20 things I now know about my own wedding day

Things I learnt about getting married, for those out there preparing for your big, bright day:

I've been married 20 days today! 

You won't eat the week you get married
You'll want to. But you won't have time, the adrenaline will make you a bit meh about the burger sitting on your plate, and unless you force yourself, it's going to be hard.
So if like me a full course meal makes you sweat, eat tons of little snacks and meals all day. Take anything that comes your way, because you will lose weight.

On the weight
I'd spent 6 months prior to our wedding getting primed baby. I was eating healthily, gyming, all of that. (And still am, have you know.) I had hit my ideal weight - the one where my dress fitted fucking perfectly, and my ass was looking the best it could look, quite frankly.
Then I went and lost two kilos and my dress was slightly loose around my boob area.
It was fine, but did worry that my boobie would pop out when I was throwing shapes to Usher's I Wanna Make Love In This Club.

So. Don't diet like a crazy person. Your wedding gift from nature will be those two kilos that drop off you from stress, nerves and excitement.

Your bridal party will pull together and make the day amazing for you
If they don't down a bottle of cane before the speeches. My bridesmaids offered to be my wedding slaves. They kept me calm, made endless pots of tea and gin and tonics and generally helped everything be smooth and amazing. The Brit's ushers/groomsmen were the same. Everyone looks after you.

People will stand and get caught on your dress. A million times. 
Just laugh.

Little things go wrong, but nobody cares
You'll probably be the only one that notices.

Take a long, hot bath the night before
I loaded a bath with bath salts and lavender, after a final chat and kiss with the Brit (Conversation: "We are going to look after each other forever, no matter what happens, we're in this together, yeah?")
And just soak.

You won't sleep helluva well a few nights before
But weirdly, slept really well the night before the big day. Twas the bath.
Take sleeping tabs if you need to - you need the sleep, to think rationally if anything.

The photographers are bossy
They know how you should stand, put your hand there, stick that out there, look that way, etc. They will bark orders to you. Continuously. It can be painful. Just keep smiling. And have someone ready with drinks/coolerbox. Our groomsmen bought along champers in a coolerbox for us for the photos, which was a lifesaver.

You'll sweat
I had a bead of sweat trickle down my arm during our ceremony. Our hands shook and fingers swelled. (Had to literally push and twist the Brit's ring on). You'll also sweat under your dress.

You'll probably be tired of all that smiling by the end of the night
..but at the same time, you won't want the night to ever end. Your face will be sore.

You need someone on standby with lipgloss
All the smiling, photos, and you'll have your hands full  - make sure there's a stray lipgloss floating around near you at all times. My lips started to crack. Attractive.
Eat your dinner
Must. Eat.

"No one likes a trashed bride."
A friend said that once. No doubles, just singles. Even so, it's rare you see a trashed bride (unless you watch British bridal documentaries), because you're so busy flitting around you leave your glass everywhere and you just don't get drunk. That said, was wobbly when I stood on the chair to throw the bouquet and garter.

Our retro photobooth was a hit
I could've spent all night in there. Most people did. We had a table full of props, and the photos print out so that people can take the strip home and we get to keep one for the guestbook ourselves. They are hilarious.

I managed to speak to most people
Or jam with them, one way or another. A few I regretfully didn't get to spend much time with, but hopefully most people understand and had fun anyway.

Send the DJ a list of mandatory songs
He played most of them, and at the perfect times. All the cheesy shit that you insist has to be there. Hello Monster Hits of the 90s. And Usher. And Def Leppard.

Sit.
You have this need to be in and amongst it all the time, but take time to sit, kick off the old heels and chill with some friends at a table.

When you need to pee, take a mate
I was like a big white truck reversing. [Beep beep beep] Lifting the dress up, reversing into the toilet cubicle. You need assistance. Just to find the seat.

Celebrate [just] with your husband
We took a few moments together to absorb all the vibes and love and people around us and marvel in it. "We did it!" with a mini toast just to us. And he'll look more handsome and amazing than you've ever seen him.

You'll feel very secure, happy and loved
'Sno joke. Something does change when you get married. You know you're in this together. You have a partner in crime for everything. Everywhere. Anytime. Someone is with you on this ride. It's fucking cool. And it feels very unique. (Even if it isn't.) 

Finally, my favouriet wedding scene. Catherine Tate. If this doesn't happen, then consider everything else a success: