Monday, August 19, 2013

sandy sponge sandwiches

Can I introduce you to Britain's most read daily newspaper. You might've heard of The Sun.

The Sun is notorious for two things, The Page 3 Girl, and it's ability to make puns out of every headline it creates.

Also for it's random ability to wedge pull-out boxes into free crevices in the paper that have virtually no context to anything at all.
For example, a gem I saw last Friday:
"JASON DONOVAN SAYS HE WANTS TO KILL ALL THE TERRORISTS IN THE WORLD. After approaching the fallen star as he stumbled out of a club last Saturday, he told The Sun that if he could kill all the terrorists, he would.  - Ends"
..Next to a story about Arsenal.

Well actually, this is what it said:
Anyway, usually the Page 3 Girl doesn't share her boobs space with other stories, until today that is.
People of Britain, you would've seen this, because you read it.

People outside of Britain, meet the woman who eats kitchen sponges covered in sand. 
Choice quote from story, "I only eat sponge sandwiches with sand when I am pregnant. Otherwise I eat normal ones."

Now, bile might be pushing past your cardiac sphincter as you imagine eating a fucking Scotchbrite Scourer with a bit of Durban North's/Bournemouth Beach's finest - it is sure happening to me - but you gotta give the British media 10/10 for How.The.Actual.Fuck.Did.You.Find.That.

The world is falling apart, and while Syria, Oscar Pistorius, Princess Diana inquests, poverty and shit reign free in other newspapers that depress us and infuse a regular dose of negativity into our sunny dispositions, thank fuck for [page 3 of] The Sun.

In this case, boobs boobs boobs shared with an exclusive - this is no free for all - by a woman who thinks sponges make valid mastication material.

This is when I love this little country.

Friend just eyeballed the bird and made a very important point - her name is AMII. 
God I love The Sun.

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