Tuesday, January 14, 2014

the advice you get from other parents

...more about that below.

Two things before I get started on my rant though: 

Life paths

Pregnancy gets you thinking about life paths. As in, "what would my life have been like had I studied to be a vet and/or become a Marxist that grows quinoa in her back yard?"

Here are some of the things I would've loved to have been or done, if I was allowed to have multiple life paths, or more accurately, multiple stabs at various careers:

Forensic scientist
FBI agent
Graffiti artist

My ass is spending more time on a toilet seat at the moment than on a chair

Trips to the toilet from getting up in the morning right through the night: 16

I need the toilet All. The. Time. It's going to be easier just to sit on a toilet all day with a book and a cuppa tea when I go on maternity, than on the couch.

It's driving me beserk. If I have an hour long meeting, I have to plan my toilet breaks around this. I am spending so much time in the company bathroom, it's becoming a major schlep.

And now for the rant. Negative Nancies

While I know people are trying to be helpful and empathetic, being pregnant with twins seems to subject you to a lot of opinions from parents. Sadly, 90% of these aren't helpful. The opinions that are being hurled my way from parents of singletons are mostly extremely negative at the moment and I shant lie, it's starting to really get me down.

I've been told that I should use washable nappies.
"Think of the environment you'll be leaving your children if you use the 20 disposable nappies you need a day!"

I've been told "My friend had twins. I've seen the horror."

I've been told "Oh you went to Borough Market? Enjoy while you can. No way to get there in a double pram!"

Oh and variations of: "You want a c-section? Good luck being mobile and trying to feed twins after surgery!"
(Well yes, but would you want to give birth to four things? (Two babies and two placentas?)

Now, while most of these people are trying to be helpful, and all of them are parents, I believe it's all coming from a good place. But it's also made me quite angry.

Right now, it doesn't take much for me to flick a switch from happy to molten lava angry. I'm hormonal and peeing like a donkey - so am FEELING perhaps more angry than I would on a normal day, but could all of you Negative Nancies just lay off already?

I'm frightened as it is, I already believe my life is going to be somewhat over when I have my babies, but I really don't need to be told how bloody awful it's going to be when you have no fucking clue yourselves.

None of these parents are twin parents. And luckily have been told enough times now to ignore most of the nonsensical advice that comes my way.
I have extremely selective hearing now, and only really take on board advice I get from twin parents. We are going to another twins meet up this Wednesday (thank fuck, it's come at a good time) and I'm meeting a friend who has twins on the weekend.

I'm also listening to those who remind me (like Dove, one of my best friends) that having twins is a incredible blessing that is amazingly special and unique.

Dove: "I spoke to a twin mum for you the other day. She said she and her husband manage to get lie ins on the weekend."

"Lie ins? With twins? How?"

"While most parents have to get up early to fetch their child from their cot to entertain them, twins just entertain each other and talk amongst themselves. They play together and have conversations in their special language until they are fetched. So they get at least another hour on normal parents."

That's better. Here is some of the positive reinforcement that will help my state of mind right now.

It's going to be fine. I know it is. I'm going to juggle like a motherfucker, but it's going to be amazing. An adventure. It's going to be hard and insane, but I'm going to love them so much I won't give a shit.

I get a lot of "Oh my God, how are you going to cope?" And this mirrors exactly what I think every day of my life. I don't know how I am going to cope. I am just going to have to. How, I don't know, because I haven't done it yet.

One fun thing: We have decided on our names, mostly. We've chosen two boys and two girls names.

Naming a child isn't something that should be:
1) taken lightly
2) named Tyler

More about the naming process at another time.


Unknown said...

I have three boys - no twins. And i can say this ... you will be fine! It will be hard and it will be stressful at times ... but you will love them more than you can breathe sometimes! You will manage and you will get through and you will be fine.

po said...

Now I am dying to know the names you chose - but I know I will have to wait :)

Val said...

Of course you will manage - take no notice of the gloomy remarks. ♥

Pebbles said...

You will be just fine Peas. You're a tough cookie. If you need words of encouragement just yell.

Peas on Toast said...

Thank you guys. A bit of positive reinforcement goes a LONG way at the moment - even if I'm not fine, telling me I'm going to be seriously helps.
Thank you :)

Katinafrica said...

I have had two c-sections and I promise that bit will be fine. Just take the painkillers and listen to your body when you need a rest. Twins will probably be difficult at first but in no time they will be able to entertain each other. They have a close friend for life... how awesome is that. Plus you only have to lose the pregnancy weight once and you get two kids. Bonus.

Kookalooks said...

You will be fine. It will be hard and intense and amazing all at the same time, and you will cope because you have no other choice! You have the right attitude and are being very realistic about it all, which is going to make a huge difference

inge said...

Hi there. I've been reading your blog for years and this is the first time I'm leaving a comment (bit of a stalker, right?), but since I'm also a mom of twins (my first and totally unexpected) I feel compelled to tell you that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE. Oh, you can expect chaos and crazy times. But wow, what an absolute blessing to have two little miracles. It's such a privilege. And the C-section bs? That's what painkillers are for! All the best for the last stretch.

Peas on Toast said...

Katina - good point! and also, good to hear from someone who has had two and survived to tell the tale. Thank you!

Kookalooks - thank you! It's good to know I'm coming across and sounding somewhat realistic about it all :)

Inge - hello there and welcome! thanks for leaving a comment, ESPECIALLY as you're a twin mum! And also sound advice on the c-section - I need the validation here, so much appreciated. x

Little Miss Medic said...

Tell them all to FUCK OFF! And if you feel guilty blame it on the hormones!

No one can tell you what it should or is going to be like. And personally having twins naturally is probably not a good idea.

Good luck and chin up!