There are two chapters to my life. One that existed before 18 March 2014 and one that existed after.
I cannot write a blog post right now that adequately describes anything, but what I can do is show you how we have told our friends, family and acquaintances.
It goes like this. On 18 March I left home to go and have my final scan. 35 weeks. I left home and haven't been back since.
While thinking we were on the home stretch of pregnancy with only two weeks to go, we found out that Twin 2's heart had stopped beating. Sometime in the last week it had died.
Our hearts literally broke into millions of fragments. I don't quite have the strength yet to elaborate, so I'll share what I have already.
Yesterday morning, at 2:00am, 25 March I gave birth to my twins. One healthy little boy who we named Sebastian George. And one stillborn little girl, who we named Molly Therese.
It is with an overwhelming joy and sorrow we announce the birth of our twins today. Last week was the most harrowing of our lives, as we learnt that our little girl, Molly, hadn't lived to see the world. So, with endless gratitude and relief, we embrace our feisty survivor, Sebastian, who is already helping us to heal our hearts.
Rest in peace my little Molly. We draw all our strength from the joy your precious twin brother is already giving us.
Thank you everyone for your messages, texts and thoughts in this bittersweet time.
Nothing can aptly describe the sheer spectrum of emotion we feel by the death and birth of our two children who were meant to be a pair. But this adaptation by Elizabeth Lector comes close:
Bittersweet, the grieving joy,
The death and birth of our twin girl
One this world will never know,
One alone will live and grow.
Conceived and carried as a pair,
In birth alone one breathed the air.
His cry assured us he'd be fine;
His sister silent came behind.
Molly now in heaven will dwell.
Sebastian will play and laugh and yell
As all strong boys are wont to do.
He'll learn in time he's one of two
And wonder at what might have been,
What life would be like with his twin.
The sharpest sting of grief will pass
And Sebastian will grow up too fast
As happens with most every child.
I know at times we'll see him smile
And recall our daughter
Who was so like this living one.
So pain won't end, can't go away,
But joy grows stronger every day
As we experience life anew,
Seeing the world as children do.
We're grateful that we'll have a chance
To see our new son sing and dance.
To help him learn, to watch him grow,
These all are pleasures we will know.
Yet through the joy and love and care
We'll remember Molly is not there.