Thursday, November 10, 2016

conversations with a 2.5 year old

Time to fire up this old bad boy again.

Conversations with my 2 year old, as a start.
I am having a lot of fun with Sebastian these days, as his vocabulary is exploding and he is beginning to challenge things, asking questions and expressing himself.

Some conversations are fantastically hilarious; others are fantastically mundane and repetitive. Believe me, you repeat shit day in day out. All the time. To the point where you can predict exactly how your next conversations will go. You can be twelve steps ahead without even having to think, (which is a bonus, really.)

Just this week:

"Mummay? Mummay?"
"Yes Sebastian, I am downstairs."
"I am HERE."
"MUMMAY. Are you downstairs?"
"I am downstairs."
"MUMMAY? Are you downstairs Mummay?"

"Do you need to go to the potty Sebastian?"
"No. Don't need pottay."
"Are you sure?"
"No don't need pottay."
"Do you need a pooh?"
"No don't need a pooh. Need a wee."
"OK, let's go to the potty then."
"No, don't need pottay."

 [Five seconds later]

"Mummay! I have a pooey nappay!"
"And why didn't you tell me so we could go to the pottay?"
"No, don't need pottay."

"Have you finished your supper Sebastian?"
[Four years later]
"You havent' finished your supper, I had better eat it."
"Well, no pudding until you've finished."
"I want pudding!"
"You have to eat your cucumber/broccoli/beetroot first. Then you can have pudding."
"I want pudding!"
"No pudding. Right, mummy's going to eat your cucumbers."
"NO MINE. I eat dem."
"Are you finished yet?"
[Repeat ad infinitum.]

"Fwonce [Florence] is crying Mummay, go and swaddle Fwonce."
"OK I'll be just a minute."
"I coming too Mummay."
"You wait here Sebby, otherwise she will wake up."

"Look Mummay, it's a robin."
"And why is it a robin?"
"Because it's got a red breast."
"That's right my boy, well done. And what is that bird?"
"It's a sruss.[thrush]
"Is it? I thought it was a crow."
"No it's not a crow, it's a sruss."
"OK then."
"No it's a crow."
"OK it's a crow."

"I had sweet dreams Mummay."
"That's good my boy, what did you dream about?"
"Oh that's nice. And what did Woof [his current obsession/carries everywhere soft toy] dream about?"
"He dreamt about dinosaurs. And birds. And cars."
"Oh wow.
"No, he didn't sleep very well. He didn't have sweet dreams."
"He dreamt about sand."

Addressing Florence:
"Where's your dummay little girl?"
"I don't think she needs it right now my boy."
"OK, I put it in the tray."
"Thank you, that's very helpful."
"Fwonce is tickling may."
"Is she?"
"Yes, Fwonce you are tickling may. I love you Fwonce."

"Mummay, are you changing Fwonce's nappay?"
"Yes, my boy."
"Has she done a little pooh?"
"I think so, yes."
"Oh look, she has pooh all over her willay."
"Florence doesn't have a willy my boy. Florence is a girl, so she has a ....[fuck, what should I call it? Why haven't i thought this through?]
"Fwonce has a foo. And you have a foo. And I have a foo."
"No, you're a boy so you have a willy."
"I have a willy and you have a willy."
"No, you and daddy are boys, so you both have a willy. Florence and Mummy are girls, so we have a foo."

"Mummay, how old are for you?"
"How old am I? I am 36."
"And how old am for me?"
"You are two."
"No I three."
"No you're two. You turn three in March." [gulp]
"And how old are for Fwonce?"
"She is four months."
"No she is ten weeks."

"Daddy's gone to work."
"That's right, he will be home later my boy."
"Did he go in the aeroplane?"
"No, he goes to work on the train."
"Granny went on the aeroplane. To Africa."
"That's right. And we are going on the aeroplane to South Africa for?"
"For Father Christmas."
"For Christmas, yes. And if you're a good boy, Father Christmas will visit."
"I not naughty boy. I a cheekay monkay."
"Yes, you're my cheeky little monkey."
"I want Father Christmas."
"He only comes at Christmas time."
"He give me toys."
"Yes, if you're a good boy."

And finally....

"What are you Sebastian?"
"I a twin."
"Yes. Who is your twin sister?"
"Molly. She lives in heaven."

 My world.

 "I funnay, Mummay."
 Little Bird. She is my bird or my worm. Seb is my monkey.
 "Look, Mummay, Fwonce is a ghost! She likes it Mummay!"