Male chirps I've heard on an almost constant basis lately:Dude 1: We need a water feature.
Dude 2: A water feature? Like as in a little dude pissing?
Dude 1: I meant water cooler.
Dude 3: Why do I have to look at Sebastien's shitter?
(I have this bright pink “glamour bath duck” on my desk. And it's name is Sebastien. And his doetpipe is facing this guy, or so he reckons)
Dude 3: Now imagine how much work you'd get done if you weren't talking to me?
Me: Imagine how much work you'd get done if you weren't staring at my legs.
Dude 3: Is this those godawful frogs?
(On the Paul McCartney We All Stand Together song)
Boys are blessed with being funny. At least some of the time.
I had dinner with The Dove last night, and we were both completely torn out and grumpy from a long week, but nevertheless she wanted to find chewing gum after our meal laced in enough garlic to kill off every living organism in Transylvania:
The Dove: Do you have gum. This garlic is gonna kill my boyfriend.
Peas: The beauty of that statement is that I can go home now and not really bovver about that sort of thing.
The Dove: Need to find gum. Now.
Peas: You could always buy a bag of White Rabbits from Kung Fu Kitchen.
The Dove: Will that do anything?
Peas: Fuck, it's worth a shot, whatever. Just smash half the bag in your face.
The Dove: A whole bag?
Peas: FUCK. I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER.
[Breathes in my face].
Peas: Shit, better eat the whole bag china. Half won't touch sides.
The Dove: The whole bag, no you fucking pyscopa...
By now the lady behind the counter thinks The Dove is addressing her.
Lady: What yu say?
Peas: Oh Christ.
The Dove: No I didn't mean you're the fucking psycopath, but my friend here. Do you think this bag of sweets will cure my garlic breath?
Lady: [stares blankly]
[Man comes in and starts just somma talking to us. Like we're his old friends, then follows us out about the same time I think he's gone...]
Peas: How much crack can one person smoke?
The Dove: He's right behind you and can hear what you've just said.
Peas: I meant you.
The Dove: You meant him.
Dude: You girls buying sweets are you?
Peas: She has garlic breath.
Dude: Who did you say was smoking crack?
The Dove: Do you have any gum?
It's been an unbelievable week. I'm tired but strangely energised, to the verge of horny.
My brain is making those weird noises that a balloon would make after it's been filled up with too much oxygen. It's busy processing all sorts of new stuff and is pretty much saturated with information right now. I'm having a blast at my new job, I'm so far loving it.
And I've worked for my weekend, God it's the weekend already, how terribly exciting!
