Whale: Dude, I want to be 3RM.Peas: Um, why?
Whale: No not in real life, just on the blog. I want to take over his position.
Peas: Unfortunately 3RM is a real person, like.
Whale: Think of it like this…he can be written out of the script, as in like a new character who plays the same dude. Like on Bold & The Beautiful – remember Ridge’s brother Thorne? The original ‘Thorne’ is like 80 years old, and he couldn’t keep up with Ronn Moss who never ages, so there have been about five Thorne’s in the history of the soap opera.
Peas: Dude, 3RM is still a relatively young grasshopper.
Whale: Yeah, but I think I’d make a better 3RM.
Peas: Dude, whose going to play you? I know you only have a small part, but imagine the void without the dude who has the same name as a seafaring mammal?
Whale: Someone really good looking like Jake Gyllenhaal.
Peas: Being 3RM is a big part dude. And with big parts, comes big responsibility.
Whale: That’s ok, we can kill off Whale. I want to be 3RM.
Peas: Well, why don’t you ask him? Although this….is all kind of weird. Since 3RM happens to be a real person, not some made-up dude who goes home to his wife after he’s finished reading lines on Isidingo.
Whale: But I wanna be him on Peas On Toast.
Peas: So not in real life?
Whale: No just on the blog. I’ll be the new actor who plays him.
Peas: So you don’t want to be Portuguese in real life basically.
Whale: It's not a priority.
Peas: Yeah…this is weird.
[dialing tone]
Peas: Dude, Whale wants to be you. On the blog. So like, how do you feel about that?
3RM: I don’t know if I’m much of a Whale.
Peas: Yeah, you never thought you’d get a phone call like this, I’ll bet.
3RM: Well then…can I be Whale?
Peas: Fuck, whatever man.
3RM: He could be me….but then he’d have to spend at least 5 weekdays at your house.
And then, if I’m Whale, then I’d have to spend 5 nights at his house, and because he has a girlfriend, this actually seems like a pretty reasonable proposition.
Peas: Yeah I’m sure he’d totally go for that.
3RM: 'Cos if you gonna be me…you’re gonna have to pay a pretty hefty surcharge. I’m not free.
Peas: But you're cheap right?
3RM: All I’m saying is: I’m not free, I come with a price.
Peas: I’ll pass the message on.
In other strange coincidences:
1) I know someone who looks exactly like Barack Obama;
2) That’s all.
