Wednesday, July 30, 2008

let's build a 'real life' cast, shall we

Whale: Dude, I want to be 3RM.

Peas: Um, why?

Whale: No not in real life, just on the blog. I want to take over his position.

Peas: Unfortunately 3RM is a real person, like.

Whale: Think of it like this…he can be written out of the script, as in like a new character who plays the same dude. Like on Bold & The Beautiful – remember Ridge’s brother Thorne? The original ‘Thorne’ is like 80 years old, and he couldn’t keep up with Ronn Moss who never ages, so there have been about five Thorne’s in the history of the soap opera.

Peas: Dude, 3RM is still a relatively young grasshopper.

Whale: Yeah, but I think I’d make a better 3RM.

Peas: Dude, whose going to play you? I know you only have a small part, but imagine the void without the dude who has the same name as a seafaring mammal?

Whale: Someone really good looking like Jake Gyllenhaal.

Peas: Being 3RM is a big part dude. And with big parts, comes big responsibility.

Whale: That’s ok, we can kill off Whale. I want to be 3RM.

Peas: Well, why don’t you ask him? Although this….is all kind of weird. Since 3RM happens to be a real person, not some made-up dude who goes home to his wife after he’s finished reading lines on Isidingo.

Whale: But I wanna be him on Peas On Toast.

Peas: So not in real life?

Whale: No just on the blog. I’ll be the new actor who plays him.

Peas: So you don’t want to be Portuguese in real life basically.

Whale: It's not a priority.

Peas: Yeah…this is weird.

[dialing tone]

Peas: Dude, Whale wants to be you. On the blog. So like, how do you feel about that?

3RM: I don’t know if I’m much of a Whale.

Peas: Yeah, you never thought you’d get a phone call like this, I’ll bet.

3RM: Well then…can I be Whale?

Peas: Fuck, whatever man.

3RM: He could be me….but then he’d have to spend at least 5 weekdays at your house.

And then, if I’m Whale, then I’d have to spend 5 nights at his house, and because he has a girlfriend, this actually seems like a pretty reasonable proposition.

Peas: Yeah I’m sure he’d totally go for that.

3RM: 'Cos if you gonna be me…you’re gonna have to pay a pretty hefty surcharge. I’m not free.

Peas: But you're cheap right?

3RM: All I’m saying is: I’m not free, I come with a price.

Peas: I’ll pass the message on.

In other strange coincidences:
1) I know someone who looks exactly like Barack Obama;
2) That’s all.


It is the question said...

So the question is, is this post written with the swap taken place. In other words, is Whale 3RM and 3RM Whale?

And what is is about your boyfriends and phallic nicknames - Dick, Whale... Not easily satisfied are you? ;)


Peas on Toast said...

IITQ - no, but I plan do a swappage every now and then to confuse people and make them feel dumb.

Not today though :)

Whale isn't my boyfriend, but DOES take a lot to satisfy me. I'm...inconquerable :)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Dude! I'm even confused! Hahahaha!! Good luck for the exam! Yuck!

So...whats the verdict? I'm confuzzled! 3RM or Whale? Who is who?

Peas on Toast said...

Blodie - hello my love! Nope we're still on Beta phase with regards to the Whale/3RM swapping - so they're exactly who they are here ;)

Jam said...

This is so confusing to my work addled brain this morning...
Whale, 3rm, why not just give them both one new name? Less confusing!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - nah, even better. I'm just going to keep Whale as Whale and 3RM as 3RM, like it was originally intended. :)

leez said...

I think you should have like open auditions for the role of 3RM.

That way you find the perfect mate.

Peas on Toast said...

leez - perfect plan, guy.

I'm gonna need ten Porra okes though. Know any?

Charmskool said...

Sjoe the last time I found anything so confusing was way back in the ??'s when I was young and doing mind-bending substances - erm maybe I should have done this using a pseudonym in case my kid reads your blog.

Whale said...

Listen here, I never comment on these blog thingys so this is quite important. This post raises semantic questions of identity that I don't want to answer. Put simply: Ridge is Ron Moss, although people call him Ridge all the time I suspect. Same goes here: 3RM is actually a real dude, but in real life his friends know him as....BWAHAHAH - you want to know his real name! Same goes for me, I have a real name too but I just want to assume a character, namely his. I don't want to be 747 (who the fuck would want to be him?), Moogs, Doc, Smoking Legs or any other person. 3RM is a legendary sidekick kind of position - one I would suit perfectly. Leez - it can't be an open audition - the person actually needs to know Peas. Nuff Sed.

leez said...

Now I'm even more confused.

Peas can choose who she wishes to audition and 3RM can have a chance (if he still wishes to) to retain his position.

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - they're still the same people. No one's taking over anyone's personlities here chinas.

Whale just wants to be Portuguese. This is something I cannot help him with. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Leez - maybe 3RM can become...2RM? Now that's gonna confuse people even more...

leez said...

Send Whale to Nandos if he wants to be portugese. Maybe if he consumes enough chicken...

Peas on Toast said...

leez - we have Fried Chicken kfc Monday at the office. You're right, we'd better switch to Nandoshe.

Whale said...

Ok, a couple of worrying replies that need addressing, let's set the record straight:

I do not want to be Portuguese.
Auditions for 3RM are not open - you've got to be in her life to be in her blog.

This 'confusion' everyone is speaking of is symptomatic of the lame soapie watching generation:

Confused-lame-person-1: Hold on, that's not Thorne!
Confused-lame-person-2: But Brooke is calling him Thorne!
Confused-lame-person-1 (soliloquay): The actor that plays Thorne must be getting too old to keep up with the actor that's playing Ridge so they've replaced him.
Confused-lame-person-1 (actually speaking): The actor that plays Thorne must be getting too old to keep up with the actor that's playing Ridge so they've replaced him.
Confused-lame-person-2: Ooohhhh.....ok! (Slaps forehead like a lame soapie watching idiot).

Everybody clear?

Peas on Toast said...

Whale - God you're hilarious. Let's crack open a beverage. The booze fridge is calling us.

Revolving Credit said...

Why are you incurable? Is there something we should know about?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev, INCONQUERABLE. Incurable by being inconquerable, maybe.

Revolving Credit said...

??As in 'you are conquered within or you cannot be conquered'?

Peas on Toast said...

What is wrong with you people today? There are no hidden cryptic messages here or no funny stuff happening behind the scenes.

I am not easily satisfied Rev. That's pretty much what I was getting at ;)

Revolving Credit said...

As in never satisfied?
So actually, you're saying that you're full of shit???

Unconquerable Def: Cannot be conquered Syn Invincible

Inconquerable Def: Full of shit, not easily satified Syn: Whiney ??

Peas on Toast said...

I don't pooh, but yes I am full of shit :)

Ordinarylife said...

So let me get this straight;
Whale is to old to play Whale and now he want to play 3RM to keep up with Peas?????

Peas on Toast said...

OrdinaryLife - FINALLY. Somebody's got it.
Dude you win the prize.

Free delivery and ev'thing.


Revolving Credit said...

Is whiney like moany?
Isn't moaning a sign of being satisfied???

or do you just grunt?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev: I scream out my own name.

Revolving Credit said...

Well, if you're touching yourself, id does kinda make sense doesn't it.

So, if thats the case, do you find it difficult pleasing yourself???

Peas on Toast said...

Dude, tomorrow I'll write about what's happening in my very steamy sex life right now.

I have had the best of my life...with myself.

Pleasing myself has never been more pleasurable, let me tell you.

3rm said...

damn the jokes. i turn my back for a second and chaos descends on the blogosphere.

for one thing, if whale is too old to play whale, then he's probably too old to play the artist formerly known as 3rm.

still, in the interests of fairness and all: whale, how about a five game series of shithead tonight at yours? winner has first right of refusal on the 3rm persona

KaB said...

Who the fuck is Whale?!

Peas on Toast said...

kAB - he's my colleague. I spend hours with Whale plotting on how to take over the world in the cuntish possible way evah :)

Lisa said...

Peas, honey, I think this is a clear indication that you need to publish a cast of characters down the side of your blog.
who can keep up?

Lisa said...

Peas, honey, I think this is a clear indication that you need to publish a cast of characters down the side of your blog.
who can keep up?