bits of oral vernacular

I am a survivor of 9/11. True's Bob, I realised I was flying on 9/11 yesterday, after Carly gallantly reminded me on boarding.
As a result, I sent this sms to Mr 747:
Crisis. Am about to board the plane and realised it's 9/11. I'm freaking out. Am I going to die?

Then switched off my phone, and faced the god's who were to determine my fate on this uncanny day. On disembarking, I got:

No u not going to die. There are no terrorist muslims in the Eastern Cape. They care more about soet wyn than bombs. Have a g and t and just chill!

Peas: U just lucky I'm alive buddy. And in one piece. Imagine how crap u would've felt if I was flung from the heavens in a burning aircraft and u sent me that.

Did I mention the dangerous levels my blood pressure rose to when I saw steam coming from the kitchen area? Steam that looked suspiciously like smoke? Turned out, the air hostesses were just reheating the tuna comestibles.
Tuna. On a plane. Dude.

Did none of the marketing panel step up and say: “I don't think this is a good idea?”

I'm guessing the marketing spokesperson would pause, pretend to mull over the idea of a poen-smelling cabin, and say: “Well no. Passengers won't mind when the plane hones of vajayjay. Besides, they're economy class. It's not like we've never done social experiments on them before. Remember the Troll Schnitzels of '94?”

A few conversations I overheard in Grahamstown:

Girl 1: Go call your 'boyfriend', we need to go.
Girl 2: Um...Kate, this is Nina, the real girlfriend.
{pause}
Girl 2: Oh. Um...oh.
Girl 1: That's subtle.

Guy: Hey, I saw a pic of you and Nelson Mandela the other day. Shweet!
Girl: Oh wow, you did?
Guy: Oh no. Sorry. It was someone else.

Girl 1: I have such a large appetite, I eat everything.
Girl 2: I'm telling you, mine's larger. I eat everything.
Girl 1: I could eat everything on this table. That's how big it is.
Girl 2: I could eat you under the table.
Girl 1: ...

And last, but certainly not least, my father commenting on my Wibble post:
“You're in Grahamstown. Stay away from students, your Dad x.”
Subtle dad, especially on my company blog. Bless your hat.