Wednesday, September 12, 2007

bits of oral vernacular

I am a survivor of 9/11. True's Bob, I realised I was flying on 9/11 yesterday, after Carly gallantly reminded me on boarding.
As a result, I sent this sms to Mr 747:
Crisis. Am about to board the plane and realised it's 9/11. I'm freaking out. Am I going to die?

Then switched off my phone, and faced the god's who were to determine my fate on this uncanny day. On disembarking, I got:

No u not going to die. There are no terrorist muslims in the Eastern Cape. They care more about soet wyn than bombs. Have a g and t and just chill!

Peas: U just lucky I'm alive buddy. And in one piece. Imagine how crap u would've felt if I was flung from the heavens in a burning aircraft and u sent me that.

Did I mention the dangerous levels my blood pressure rose to when I saw steam coming from the kitchen area? Steam that looked suspiciously like smoke? Turned out, the air hostesses were just reheating the tuna comestibles.
Tuna. On a plane. Dude.

Did none of the marketing panel step up and say: “I don't think this is a good idea?”

I'm guessing the marketing spokesperson would pause, pretend to mull over the idea of a poen-smelling cabin, and say: “Well no. Passengers won't mind when the plane hones of vajayjay. Besides, they're economy class. It's not like we've never done social experiments on them before. Remember the Troll Schnitzels of '94?”

A few conversations I overheard in Grahamstown:

Girl 1: Go call your 'boyfriend', we need to go.
Girl 2: Um...Kate, this is Nina, the real girlfriend.
{pause}
Girl 2: Oh. Um...oh.
Girl 1: That's subtle.

Guy: Hey, I saw a pic of you and Nelson Mandela the other day. Shweet!
Girl: Oh wow, you did?
Guy: Oh no. Sorry. It was someone else.

Girl 1: I have such a large appetite, I eat everything.
Girl 2: I'm telling you, mine's larger. I eat everything.
Girl 1: I could eat everything on this table. That's how big it is.
Girl 2: I could eat you under the table.
Girl 1: ...

And last, but certainly not least, my father commenting on my Wibble post:
“You're in Grahamstown. Stay away from students, your Dad x.”
Subtle dad, especially on my company blog. Bless your hat.

20 comments:

High in Dubai said...

Oh my oath...

What is it with people and tuna. I just posted about how some dudes were eating it out of the can in the gym locker room... Freaks.

Peas on Toast said...

Dubai - yeesh! Like, I love tuna right. I eat it in the safety and privacy of my kitchen - from the can or smooshed into a sarmie. But it's just not a meal meant for consumption in closed, public places.
Much like sardines.

Revolving Credit said...

Anyone else see the irony in that when you have a minor panic attack regarding flying on 9/11 you sms a guy called Mr 747???

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - clever boy. I didn't see it until now :)

Champagne Heathen said...

The thing is though, what would a bunch of crazy terrorists crash the plane into?
The voortrekker monument? The Ponte?
.... the destruction of either of those would rather have the government cheering in gratitude, than have Pretoria declaring war against the Cape Flats.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - my money's on the giant pineapple in Bathurst.

Headline: "Plane Pulps Pineapple, People Pissed Off."

Revolving Credit said...

In a country where people fight off and kill car hijackers wielding pistols and AK-47s, could you imagine someone trying to hijack a plane with a craft knife?????

The oke would probably be give a snot-klap and be sent back to his seat!

Champagne Heathen said...

Not the pineapple! The annual beer would just never same without the pineapple taking up the view!

Can't they just take out Diaz Cross near by there. Many a childhood holiday has been tainted by parents dragging their kids off through the dunes, sans ocean, on 50km hikes in 40degree heat to see that.

Elle said...

You are one brave sister... flying on 9/11.. I dont know if I could have done it... power to you sister friend!!! :)

Your Dad is right stay far far away from students peas.. I know it take it from me!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - was thinking about taking off my heel and waving it around wildly.

Champs - I think the pineapple is overrated. It should've been a banana.

Elle - yeah, I think he was thinking along sexual snacking lines :)

Revolving Credit said...

Hey Peazle

Just saw the DCI clip and I must say:
What's with the bobbing head thing?

I suspect that the moment you have a mic in your hand your body goes into karaoke mode and the head starts swaying to the beat - go check it!...haha

Looks like you had fun though and amazingly managed not to stay hungover for a week this time around.

Peas on Toast said...

Hahahaha Rev.
Do you have ANY idea how nervous I was? I was shaking like a parkinson's case, so the bobbing head, well, who knows.
But managed to keep the hangovers under control this time round :)

SheBee said...

Hmmmm. A little birdie told me that your bday is coming up on Friday, Peas...?

Any plans?

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - I know, the world is coming to an end. I'll be 27. I am old now, old and old and old. :(

I'm having a few drinks with some mates, but nothing hectic hectic. I'm kind of scared of turning a year older. It freaks me out completely!

Help!

Elle said...

ah I see.. so it's more a case of keeping them "innocent" studnets away from your fine self then??? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Elle - yes. He seems to know that I like 'em young. :(

Carlz said...

hmmmm - those sound like familiar conversations :P

Peas on Toast said...

Carlz - I know, don't they just?
"Subtle!!!"

Hilarious :)

tyrone said...

Afternoon Peas!

Just a quickie - getting lots of code errors on Wibble. Runtime errors etc.

T

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks babe!

Will notify the powers that be :)