Hell I was annoyed last night. From the beginning. After another big day, I have been looking forward to Thursday night since Monday.
I've been out every night this week, and I have birthday parties galore this weekend. Yay for that, definitely. But all I wanted to do last night was go home, sprawl about my couch, just with Peas, and watch Shirley Valentine.
Haven't seen it since I was a tween, and I'm going to Greece aren't I? Besides, Shirley has chutzpah; I like her.
So I settle in, loving this alone time, and absorb things like 'Oh hello wall!' (When she walks into her house.) I tend to talk to my house as a whole, I'm not wall-specific. But love how they start the film off like that. Chicks who talk to themselves.
She's so lovable, is Shirley Valentine. And her stupid Scouse husband has just made me the ever more thankful that I have chosen the path I have.
Anyway, the movie started, and just as she was about to fly to Greece, and I was really getting into the swing of things and waiting for her to meet that Greek Costa guy and proceed to shag him in a boat (if my memory served me correctly), the fucking DVD player packs up.
Dude.
How many times have I whacked the lens cleaner in there, because it skips shit all the time? Thousands.
In fact, this is how it goes:
[Slot in one of the Seinfeld episodes.]
Play. Ha ha, funny Kramer. Isn't Lainy so cool. Oh wait...why is Lainy jerking? Hold on...oh, right. Look she's frozen. Because the bloody DVD laser is sticking. Obscenities directed at laser.
[Slot in CD cleaner disc, the one with the little brush on it. Of course Seinfeld cut out just before the really amusing bit where Kramer is making salads in his shower.]
Thank you for choosing the Sony Disc Lens Cleaner! If you use this cleaner regularly, your DVD player will work much much better!
[A bit of elevator music]
Please skip to Track 2 if you're English.
[pause]
This disc will clean your DVD Player while you listen to this lovely music! Sit back, relax! When you hear the beep, skip to Track 9 and listen to this wonderful compilation of
Beep.
Thank you. Your DVD player should now be in great working order! Now grab a drink and sit back and relax!.
Yip, that's what it says. Every. Fucking. Time.
But now, the thing has really packed in. I've watched The Beach a few too many times or something.
Then! I realised my MacBook has an awesome DVD player, that I've never used, so I'd forgotten about it. Yahtzee!
Shirley flashed to life on arrival in Mykonos. Cheese and rice, yes!
I just love the part where old Costas does the whole,
“You scared to come on boat? You afraid I want make fuck with you.”
“But I don't want make fuck with you. I mean I want make fuck with you, man is crazy if he not want make fuck with you.
But boat is boat. And fuck is fuck.”
(Then reads the same rights to another woman later on. As Shirley says when he kisses her stretchmarks and says 'They so beautiful': “Men are full of shit.”)
What a superb evening. Getting me all amped and Shirleyed up for Greece in just two weeks!*
*Actually until I have my visa, I'd better not inherit too much Shirley Fever. Just in case. Sigh.
