Friday, August 15, 2008

inconvenient tech flaws

Hell I was annoyed last night.

From the beginning. After another big day, I have been looking forward to Thursday night since Monday.

I've been out every night this week, and I have birthday parties galore this weekend. Yay for that, definitely. But all I wanted to do last night was go home, sprawl about my couch, just with Peas, and watch Shirley Valentine.

Haven't seen it since I was a tween, and I'm going to Greece aren't I? Besides, Shirley has chutzpah; I like her.

So I settle in, loving this alone time, and absorb things like 'Oh hello wall!' (When she walks into her house.) I tend to talk to my house as a whole, I'm not wall-specific. But love how they start the film off like that. Chicks who talk to themselves.

She's so lovable, is Shirley Valentine. And her stupid Scouse husband has just made me the ever more thankful that I have chosen the path I have.

Anyway, the movie started, and just as she was about to fly to Greece, and I was really getting into the swing of things and waiting for her to meet that Greek Costa guy and proceed to shag him in a boat (if my memory served me correctly), the fucking DVD player packs up.


How many times have I whacked the lens cleaner in there, because it skips shit all the time? Thousands.

In fact, this is how it goes:

[Slot in one of the Seinfeld episodes.]

Play. Ha ha, funny Kramer. Isn't Lainy so cool. Oh wait...why is Lainy jerking? Hold on...oh, right. Look she's frozen. Because the bloody DVD laser is sticking. Obscenities directed at laser.

[Slot in CD cleaner disc, the one with the little brush on it. Of course Seinfeld cut out just before the really amusing bit where Kramer is making salads in his shower.]

Thank you for choosing the Sony Disc Lens Cleaner! If you use this cleaner regularly, your DVD player will work much much better!

[A bit of elevator music]

Please skip to Track 2 if you're English.


This disc will clean your DVD Player while you listen to this lovely music! Sit back, relax! When you hear the beep, skip to Track 9 and listen to this wonderful compilation of elevator soothing pan pipes music we have created just for you!


Thank you. Your DVD player should now be in great working order! Now grab a drink and sit back and relax!.

Yip, that's what it says. Every. Fucking. Time.

But now, the thing has really packed in. I've watched The Beach a few too many times or something.

Then! I realised my MacBook has an awesome DVD player, that I've never used, so I'd forgotten about it. Yahtzee!

Shirley flashed to life on arrival in Mykonos. Cheese and rice, yes!

I just love the part where old Costas does the whole,
“You scared to come on boat? You afraid I want make fuck with you.”

“But I don't want make fuck with you. I mean I want make fuck with you, man is crazy if he not want make fuck with you.
But boat is boat. And fuck is fuck.”

(Then reads the same rights to another woman later on. As Shirley says when he kisses her stretchmarks and says 'They so beautiful': “Men are full of shit.”)

What a superb evening. Getting me all amped and Shirleyed up for Greece in just two weeks!*

*Actually until I have my visa, I'd better not inherit too much Shirley Fever. Just in case. Sigh.


kyknoord said...

And spade is spade. And visa is pain in arse.

Peas on Toast said...

And Greece is Greece. And Friday is Friday. :)

MidniteGem said...

Good ol Mac to the rescue!! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Midnite - although the thing scrashes all the time (but that's my fault - the memory is 99% full), I still love my computer. We have IBMs for work, and I still think my MacBook is 100% more the shizzle than the IBM.

MidniteGem said...

OH yeah - your def preaching to the converted :) I love my mac. I do have to shift data onto an external to keep it nice and clean and not completely full. Still think that the mac operates full better then a full IBM!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Midnite - ah yes definitely. The IBM gives me more hassles than any computer ever has. If I got the choice (PC-wise), I'd have got a Dell.

But my MacBook is my number one baby. And he's so pretty to look at too :)

MidniteGem said...

So true. Randomly when buying my mac I looked at Dell and a Dell laptop with the exact same specs as my Mac cost more !!!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah yes and I totally think the hefty price was worth it. What with little extras like Comic Life, Text Edit, the list goes on - that you don't get on Microsoft computers.

MidniteGem said...

oh shit - it is def a friday morning and my brain is off !! It was the Dell that lands up costing more - so the Mac was actually the better value for money - and has so much more to offer !

Peas on Toast said...

Gotcha ;) And the Mac's price has come down quite considerably, what with the Air and MacBook Pro on the market etc etc.

Mini said...


The thing with them DVD players is that the cheapest ones work the best.I had the same problem with an overpriced Samsung which packed up.I now have a R200 player that works like a charm.They even play the AMAFONGKONGS.(Boy the Chinese are good @ that.Did you hear bout the opening ceremony debacle?)

Khumuus(Dunno know the spelling)and olive oil is GR8 in the Mediterranean climate.(heat-this time of year)


MidniteGem said...

Actually have the pro myself :)

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - you're probably right! Thing is I know why it's packing's at least 4 years old now. And that in DVD player terms is fucking ancient. My TV is also my TV from friggen second year varsity. So after all the house decor, next year I'm investing in an all-inclusive...HOME ENTERTAINMENT THEATRE. And hopefully it'll be cheaper than they are now!

And yes, I can't wait for the olive oil drenched hummus and tapas and meze platters, yummmmy!

Midnite - ah crapballs, you're definitely one up on me. I tried to get one through work, but they insisted on the IBM. :(

The Divine Miss M said...

How have I NOT seen this film?

You should go watch Mama Mia, that will get you in the mood!

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - You've never seen Shirley Valentine?? God woman, get to the video store, like, right NOW. She's simply marvellous.

She heads for Greece, which is why I thought it very apt. You have to see it, it's totally charming.

Revolving Credit said...

So she's a chav mom who goes to greece for a bit of a stumphing!

Peas on Toast said...

She's not a CHAV Rev. She's a northerner.

And good for her for getting boofed on a boat I say. :)

Lisa said...

i abso-fucken-utely LOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE shirley valentine
and i think i wound up doing one of her monologues in drama school even.
she is the coolest of the cool.
even love her crazy cosmo friend. what was her name again?
the whole movie is one huge thrilled-to-be-a-woman-of-any-age-i'm-real fest!
how awesome?
i think tats where i learnt to let go of insecurities because as long as there are men in the world and food and opportunity, who the fuck cares right?
good call peas, love.
as for the comment!

Peas on Toast said...

Lisa - oh babe, you GOT TO ACT HER?? Now I'm jealous, fuck! 'SEAX FOR BREAKFAST, SEX FOR LUNCH AND SEX FOR TEA!'

Isn't she just fabulous?? And I love the Joanna Lumley cameo as well.

Had the BEST night last night watching :)

JL said...

and then I was I like, "the Devil shat on my bathroom mat". That sucks like DVD player lenses not working which sucks even more with elevator music - which would suck even more if it offered airplane food without actually being on an airplane to make up for it, but you're going to Greece; you get to make up for it, so really there's nothing wrong with DVD player lenses packing up if you're going to Greece because that makes up for a lot. A lot a lot.


Peas on Toast said...

jl - hahaha, yes yes yes. Ok. Fine.

Hi. :)