It's really awesome. When you're president of the most fun-tastic society in town. Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone wants to be me. Mr 747 has also decided to go on a two month alcohol ban, and I am
Although admittedly, we did those annoying “High On Life!” activities this weekend, that everyone promises to do, but never does. Except join a church that is. That won't happen, so save the eye rolling, assholes.
We went ice skating yesterday. We took the dog on a walk. Twice. We drove around town endlessly. Twice. We're eating more pizzas than Luciano Pavarotti when he was alive.
I've started knitting.
Fucking knitting.
It's only a matter of time until I start growing clivias hydroponically, or start picking my toenails in public.
Sobriety Club! You wanna be part of the action? You wanna piece of the magic? You wanna sit in a restaurant, smashing overpriced rock shandys and mocktails, while the table next to yours klaps cold beers and gets loud and obnoxious? You want to be completely MISERABLE for a good cause?
Then Sobriety Club is for you! As my Vice President correctly quotes: “It's life...but without the good bits!”
Because life IS worth living without the small pleasures isn't it!
And if that's not enough to convince you, while your mates taste the sweet, eridescent velour of Jaegermiester, you'll be in bed by 9:00pm after watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Evel Knievel, because you have bugger all to do on a Friday night!
Suddenly you'll have all this spare time on your hands! You'll scratch your nether regions in public, make endless cups of tea, and eat shitloads of chocolate truffles because your body cannot believe you're depriving it of it's basic joy in life: Bacardi Breezers. It's that great! This is not just a marketing pitch!
And that's not all! While the other members of Sobriety Club have only signed up for the month of January – my extreme and impulsive nature has locked me into a two month contract! Two months of being High on Life, yes, I want to vomit too!
As the President of Sobriety Club, my social occasions with mates will end up being “breakfast on Saturday morning,” because I know that none of them will pop open a Savanna over their bacon and eggs!
The good news is you'll completely over-analyse the meaning of life in Sobriety Club, by trying to make sense of what's the point in living when you can't just pop over to the pub and savour the crisp, cold, frothy pint you've worked so hard for during the week! Extra good news: You won't overreact to anything – in fact – your mood will stabilise into a placid, smooth-rolling machine, and you'll spend more on petrol when driving around aimlessly to find stuff to do instead! Does this sound too good to be true? It's not!
You'll probably knit five scarves at Stitch 'n Bitch Club. And you'll be calm and collected as you sip on lime and soda. You won't be the kid who dry humps the walls at The Colony Arms anymore! Isn't that fantastic?
Join now! It's FREE!
Sobriety Club kicks the shit out of any club you'll ever join! Phone 0800FINDANEWHOBBYNOWBEFOREYOUGOINSANE for more information!
I'm really really happy 747 is doing this with me. And that mum has a spare set of knitting needles for me to borrow. Which I'll try not to poke my eyes out with.
