time sheets

I hate these things. They're never accurate. Let's be honest. If they were even fractionally truthful, they'd look more like this:

Spreadsheet
Peas On Toast
Timesheet
Monday 19 November

Facebook time...................10 minutes......[every two hours].
Playing Escapa!, obsessively trying to beat my own time.............10 minutes
Taking milk out of fridge, putting it back. Taking coffee out cupboard, dispensing in cup, waiting for kettle to boil, stirring idly, drinking...............15 minutes
Checking emails and sending witty messages to friends and boyfriend ...............all day
Organising a Kitsch Karaoke Christmas Party at my house .................5 minutes
Chatting on Skype to Doc overseas over possible trip to India next year ......................5 minutes
Attending to the lavatory and checking new hair in mirror and deciding if I really like it or not....................... 5 minutes
Barking orders down telephone receivers.....................all day long
Gunning for Nazi Office Bitch Award.........................all day long
Admin emails to writers to get their shit together................all day long
Deleting 64 spam emails about penis enlargement and free master's degrees ..............2 minutes in total
Looking through a friend's sister's wedding pictures .....................10 minutes
Writing a column..........................1.5 hours
Taking the lift up and down the building (breakdowns pending) ..................10 minutes
Looking up from computer to talk, bitch, moan, stare at ceiling when concentrating ....................3 hours in total
Dreaming about white, sandy beaches and crates of Pina Colada .............every five seconds
Editing more stuff.................... 2 hours
Writing more stuff.....................3 hours
Administering more stuff...................all day long

Filling in this actual time sheet...................30 minutes

PS: I made a good decision two years ago. It was sealed in cement, yesterday. I feel better.

PPS: Mr 747 is going to the Kok of Bang tomorrow for a week of “work.” Work, my ass – I don't think he realises the phrase 'Red Light District' means “crazy-as-fuck-sexual-fetish-suburb.” Amsterdam has nothing on this. He should remember (a gentle reminder, of course), that the women there aren't often women. Ladyboys are deceptive like that. I may not be able to shoot darts from my nethers, but I do have a bona fide set of genitalia.
Man, he's lucky.