Tuesday, November 20, 2007

time sheets

I hate these things. They're never accurate. Let's be honest. If they were even fractionally truthful, they'd look more like this:

Spreadsheet
Peas On Toast
Timesheet
Monday 19 November


Facebook time...................10 minutes......[every two hours].
Playing Escapa!, obsessively trying to beat my own time.............10 minutes
Taking milk out of fridge, putting it back. Taking coffee out cupboard, dispensing in cup, waiting for kettle to boil, stirring idly, drinking...............15 minutes
Checking emails and sending witty messages to friends and boyfriend ...............all day
Organising a Kitsch Karaoke Christmas Party at my house .................5 minutes
Chatting on Skype to Doc overseas over possible trip to India next year ......................5 minutes
Attending to the lavatory and checking new hair in mirror and deciding if I really like it or not....................... 5 minutes
Barking orders down telephone receivers.....................all day long
Gunning for Nazi Office Bitch Award.........................all day long
Admin emails to writers to get their shit together................all day long
Deleting 64 spam emails about penis enlargement and free master's degrees ..............2 minutes in total
Looking through a friend's sister's wedding pictures .....................10 minutes
Writing a column..........................1.5 hours
Taking the lift up and down the building (breakdowns pending) ..................10 minutes
Looking up from computer to talk, bitch, moan, stare at ceiling when concentrating ....................3 hours in total
Dreaming about white, sandy beaches and crates of Pina Colada .............every five seconds
Editing more stuff.................... 2 hours
Writing more stuff.....................3 hours
Administering more stuff...................all day long

Filling in this actual time sheet...................30 minutes

PS: I made a good decision two years ago. It was sealed in cement, yesterday. I feel better.

PPS: Mr 747 is going to the Kok of Bang tomorrow for a week of “work.” Work, my ass – I don't think he realises the phrase 'Red Light District' means “crazy-as-fuck-sexual-fetish-suburb.” Amsterdam has nothing on this. He should remember (a gentle reminder, of course), that the women there aren't often women. Ladyboys are deceptive like that. I may not be able to shoot darts from my nethers, but I do have a bona fide set of genitalia.
Man, he's lucky.

32 comments:

anitab said...

*weep*
thank you!
i have the same problem every week with filling in timesheets!
:)

Peas on Toast said...

Shame dear - I don't have to do it that often. I reckon if you have to do this regularly, put in the time it took to fill it out in total. Definitely!

Ruby said...

we have to do the same thing...since we have to bill clients and i have to complete the hours for my articles. Lucky for me there is a zone called..."General - Non-billable" No client has to suffer due to my lack of effectiveness on a monday...except when i'm actually at a client...eish!

Storm said...

argh!!!! peasy...you sent that aweful parktown prawn to my pad didn't you???? good thing it didn't actually get in...it was sitting at the other side of the glass door staring at me...yuck!

Betenoir said...

man. that sounds suspiciously like my day... only with less grinding of teeth over boss' condescension and "witticisms".

Peas on Toast said...

Ruby - yeah, I wouldn't cope if I had to this all the time...spreadsheets are just not my bag, baby. :)

Storm - oh man, it was staring at you? That's pretty unnerving - and don't forget to put a towel under the door!

Bete - your boss it witty?

Revolving Credit said...

So, according to your time sheet, you don't actually spend any time blogging?

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - no one said time sheets were actually truthful or accurate right?
;)

ChewTheCud said...

I want your job ;)

Betenoir said...

..no. not at all. that doesn't stop them, however.

Peas on Toast said...

Chews - I'm not sure you do. You may not believe this, but the stress factor is high!
:)

Chester Pillow said...

Ping Pong on Pat Phong Road, yeehaa!
Highly worth while for Mr747 to view some viganal launching...saw a trout swimming 'up-river' there once, highly memorable!

PS. Invite to Kararraroke expected!

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - you here in December right? You'll definitely be coming then! :)

The Divine Miss M said...

I often wonder if I spend more time playing silly buggers at work than actually doing any work ... Would be an interesting experiment, one in which itself would prove the answer to the question ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - well truthfully, I reckon we work harder than we give ourselves credit for. :)

Storm said...

I kid you not....STARING!!!! it was bloody scary and oh so gross!!! I couldn't go to sleep!!!!
Good thing i have a large glass sliding door....no stuffing under door required. I hope the big turkish dog finds it today! and gets rid of it in the most violent of ways!

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - yeah, a Turk will sort him out. Especially a Turkish dog - what dog are we talking here?

The Divine Miss M said...

I think so too, I haven't really taken a proper lunch break in ages! Mine consists of eating my lunch at my desk, catching up on my celeb gossip for 15 mins and then going back to work.

I think I might start claiming that hour back!

Storm said...

boerboel
but an even more vicious than normal one! its a freaking killer dog

Peas on Toast said...

Boerbulls, love those guys. With their squashed in noses and very drolly disposition. They're gorgeous!

Ruby said...

i'm with Miss M. I think i might actually start claiming my lunch hour back. I hardly ever take lunch, work through lunch, work until 8 at night...simply because of stupid deadlines...hmmmmmmmm. I think i'll put in a claim for over time!

Storm said...

No, but seriously peasy...this dog is terrible. She practicly kills everyone that comes in there! She's eventually gotten used to me...but she's very very scary! i don't you'll like her

Peas on Toast said...

Rub - oh absolutely - what's a lunch break? Haven't had one of those in months! It would be rather strange to wedge one into my day. Also people quickly forget about working before and after hours too...

Storm - She sounds scary, but even so, I'm a dog lover even when they try and bite my hand off. Love dogs, miss dogs, want a dog, but can't have one! :(

Champagne Heathen said...

The quickest path to "Nazi Office Bitch" Award is to ban your employees from Facebook. Our boss lost major points when he sat us down for the "FB during Work Hours" chat. It has greatly revived my blogging time though.

People still take lunch breaks?? How Twenthieth Century of them!

Ruby said...

they blocked facebook here too:-( but only after my first year decided it would be a good idea to download 10gigs of nonsense in 2 days...idiot!

Revolving Credit said...

OK, so what was the 2 year old decision??

Peas on Toast said...

Champagne - problem is my boss and I both use FB. So really, it would be counterproductive.
But barking out orders seems to be doing the trick.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - something about baking cookies for the last and final time :)

Revolving Credit said...

What are you trying to say??
That you have a bun in the oven?

Peas on Toast said...

Definitely no buns in this oven.

And possibly won't be forever and ever!
:)

Revolving Credit said...

No cookie, no cookie monster!

Ruby said...

so how did we get from cookies to buns in the oven?