And in other strange coincidences:See what happens when someone like me tries to be domestic?
Took a chunk of skin out of my fucking thumb. My right-hand thumb; the thumb with which I write, wank, brush my hair.
Whilst unfolding the laundry line.
The legs came together around my fingers basically, pinching off half my thumb. You know when pieces of your flesh get cut off and you don't scream and pass out like you think you would, but instead kind of stare at it in wonder? Then scream and pass out?
I wedged the perfectly clean cut, round coin-shaped piece of skin that had been cut the fuck out, into the hole that was now my pre-existing thumbprint. And cried like a guy. (Guys cry when they're sick.) The pain.
I mean, I'd just passed an important exam for work and came home in high spirits to hang my fucking whites.
There was little blood, because it was a clean-cut chunk of thumb, ok.
But my worry is:
1) Will I get tetanus
2) Will I get gangrene
3) How do you know when the tetanus kicks in? Because with lockjaw you can't really talk
4) How will I know if my thumb is about to fall off? I can't feel it, except for a distant and dull fuck-off throbbing every now and then.
5) Can I die of tetanus
6) Can I die of gangrene
7) Will I lose my thumb
8) Feel dumb going to a doctor, because I only go to doctors if my arm is falling off and trailing behind me
9) Guy I'm Having Fun With says that because my laundry line is sprayed with white epoxy the tetanus shouldn't kick in
10) But Guy I'm Having Fun With also says that if he was in Vietnam he'd probably say the same thing to a dude whose legs had just been blown off
11) Wrapped my thumb with toilet paper (Two Ply) and duct tape, will this make it worse
12) Will I, on losing my fucking right-handed thumb have to revert back to the time where I played the Killers over and over and never leave my house and ask Sandton Pet Store to deliver me my 8 cats
13) And following on from that live a life as a recluse
14) Or get a prosthetic thumb
15) Or become an ape
16) I am typing with my two index fingers
17) My thumbprint is ruined, tacked together by me. Home Affairs won't recognise this shit
18) Will I die
Panic.
Phone Doctor Friend.
She said I won't die or lose my thumb. She said I must hold said thumb up in air as much as possible because the nerve endings in my thumb are making it hurt like a motherbitch.
Hold in air and let it drain.
Fine.
And when I'm sleeping?
Fun Guy bought round Flight Of The Conchords last night. My God it's brilliant. Two Kiwis trying to make it big band-wise in the States, with one crazy fan. Just watch it. Seriously.
