will i ever sleep?

So I met a friend of mine for a drink last night at the bowling club. Sufficiently quenched, and not a moment too soon, I sensibly headed back home and was in bed by 9:00 pm. Why? Because all I need right now is a good does of sleep. But sleep is difficult to come by, with friends like mine.

He was about 8 beers ahead of me, and because he lives far from the bowling club I asked him to phone me if he couldn't find anyone to take him home. At 10.00 pm, when I was in the process of blissful and drooley slumber, I got the call. He was driving. (Do people EVER learn in this country that drinking and driving is suicide????) I had to direct him to my house, and help him park his car. He was driving with a can of beer in his hand. But he hadn't had enough, instead of being able to direct him to the spare bed and hope that he would pass out, he wanted to 'amuse' me with his 'philosophical knowledge about the world.' Fukkin hell.
Now try and tell a drunk man that they're talking shit - it never works. You actually have to agree with them, because they may get even more pedantic.

Well this freind of mine refused to go to bed until he had shared with me what he thought was 'the sheer brilliance of his mind.' I was tired and grumpy. He told me, and isn't this just the male brain with no inhibitions?
1) He is God.
2) He created, or envisioned the world
3) But the world fucked up
4) We are all going to die of latex-induced sexual diseases in five years time
5) He has been God since he popped out of the womb
6) People turn to him for advice all the time (I found this particularly strange)

Then he asked me if I believed he was God.
"No, Steve, I think you're drunk, I don't think you're God. And if you were God, you'd be a Drunk God."
Him: See, nobody believed me. Everyone is skeptical.
Me: "I'm Catholic. You're not written into my sect somehow."
Him: "Ah, but I am. I'm God"

And so it went.
Until about midnight.