Friday, June 10, 2005

will i ever sleep?

So I met a friend of mine for a drink last night at the bowling club. Sufficiently quenched, and not a moment too soon, I sensibly headed back home and was in bed by 9:00 pm. Why? Because all I need right now is a good does of sleep. But sleep is difficult to come by, with friends like mine.

He was about 8 beers ahead of me, and because he lives far from the bowling club I asked him to phone me if he couldn't find anyone to take him home. At 10.00 pm, when I was in the process of blissful and drooley slumber, I got the call. He was driving. (Do people EVER learn in this country that drinking and driving is suicide????) I had to direct him to my house, and help him park his car. He was driving with a can of beer in his hand. But he hadn't had enough, instead of being able to direct him to the spare bed and hope that he would pass out, he wanted to 'amuse' me with his 'philosophical knowledge about the world.' Fukkin hell.
Now try and tell a drunk man that they're talking shit - it never works. You actually have to agree with them, because they may get even more pedantic.

Well this freind of mine refused to go to bed until he had shared with me what he thought was 'the sheer brilliance of his mind.' I was tired and grumpy. He told me, and isn't this just the male brain with no inhibitions?
1) He is God.
2) He created, or envisioned the world
3) But the world fucked up
4) We are all going to die of latex-induced sexual diseases in five years time
5) He has been God since he popped out of the womb
6) People turn to him for advice all the time (I found this particularly strange)

Then he asked me if I believed he was God.
"No, Steve, I think you're drunk, I don't think you're God. And if you were God, you'd be a Drunk God."
Him: See, nobody believed me. Everyone is skeptical.
Me: "I'm Catholic. You're not written into my sect somehow."
Him: "Ah, but I am. I'm God"

And so it went.
Until about midnight.

6 comments:

Lola said...

Hey you. Sounds like an interesting night. Next time, stuff a sock in his mouth, blindfold him and stick him in a closet for the night... should teach him a lesson!

Peas on Toast said...

Yo yo yo LOla! How you doing sista?

In retrospect I should've gagged him. I'm so tired this morning, and also, sitting throughful mindless throngs of verbal diarrhoea, and pretending to be interested, was hard work.

Next time, I'm turning my phone off!x

janie q said...

actually, i think you should call him and thank him for bringing god over to your house, because how many people can actually say they were blessed by a visit by god to their very own home. i think you should set your alarm early, give him a call and express just how grateful you were. in fact, this might even be worth two early morning wake up calls, it's just such a special moment! you must feel blessed.

Nettie said...

They'll probably never learn in my country, either. But I do like Janie's idea.

Binsk said...

Hey Laurian!

How come you never come say hi anymore! I miss you and your sweet comments!

Peas on Toast said...

Janie - love the idea. Also, yes I should feel so blessed.

Nettie - THis drunk driving thing is really starting to get under my skin, I tell you.

Bisnk - I'm so sorry my little honey! I know I have been very slack in commenting on other people's blogs. Nettie, Binsk, ED, Ho - I didn't mean to abandon you guys, I promise. Will make a much better effort from now on, I swear. x