I am very irritated. When Steve and I fight, it's usually after he gets home from the pub. Like last night.
I came home from book club at a reasonable hour - 11:00pm. Steve said he'd be home at 11:30pm. He promised. Like always. A friend of ours from London is staying with us at the moment, so they went out. The big night of going out, however, was planned for tonight - Friday. Steve rolled in at midnight, but only got to bed at like 1:00am, because he carried on boozing at home. I was livid. When I say I'm going to be home at a certain time, I fucking well am! I don't want to feel like a fishwife waitign up for someone the whole time! Am I being unreasonable? Probably.
AS lovely as Steve is most of the time, I have realised why I crave my ex a lot. It finally dawned on me while we were hurling abuse at each other in the early hours of this morning:
I am invisible to Steve. It is as simple as that. I can't remember the last time he said I looked nice, or smiled at me from across a crowded room. When we are out, we might as well be strangers most of the time. Perhaps I'm needy and immature. Perhaps. But this doesn't solve the problem.
As fucked up as my ex is, he always used to tell me I looked nice, or look at me from across a room and wink, or check me out, etc etc.
And quite frankly, being a girl, one needs to hear these things from time to time.
But try telling Steve this: 'please compliment me once in a while.'
He'll bite my head off.
Fuck. I am SO OVER MEN RIGHT NOW.