OK TWA, let's hit it:
1. When is the right time to ask a stranger you've recently met what their surname is, and how do you do it?
I reckon it depends whether it's business or personal. Business I usually ask straightaway, I have to anyway, for publishing purposes. Personal, I'd say it differs from person to person. Say you meet someone randomly and end up bumping into them every week at the local pub. Then perhaps. Sidle up to them and say, "What's your last name by the way?" I'd just go right for the kill. Yet, most of the time, I find out other people's surnames through other people. That's the easy way. BTW, has this been bothering you a while?
2.If tomorrow was your last day on Earth, what would you spend it doing?
One of two options: I'd drive my car the long way to the airport, drop it off and wave it adieu. Then I'd cash in my savings and buy a ticket, first class, to Chile. When in Santiago, I'd hire a limo to take me to the best ski resort the Andes has to offer. On the way, in thelimo, I'd stuff my face with camembery and Moet & Chandon. At the ski resort, I'd buy the best threads and skis in the store. Then I'd spend the day going up and down the mountain. When night falls, and presumably the end of the world, I'd smoke a giant spliff and hopefully have groundbreaking monkey sex with a Latino guy that looks like Fez in That 70s Show, but doesn't talk like him. Option two would be much like option one, except I'd fly first class to Berlin. (Tokyo may be a little overcrowded, not conducive for end of the world panic.) In Berlin, I would lie naked in the Tiergarten, drink beer, speak German and load up on wienerschnitzels. I'd also make sure I was well sexed up before I died.
3. What exactly is the fine line between flirting and sexual harassment in the workplace?
Sexual harrassment: that dude I worked with at my old company that looked like a hamster. That's sexual harrassment. (For the lesser informed: he took me to his house with the promise of dinner, asked me to swing with him and his wife...eew.eew, then because I didn't, called me in for 'questioning his authority' at work. Can you imagine? Flirting: keep it subtle, subtle. No paper trails. Everything should be verbal. If he should flirt back, then it's not harrassment, it's He Wants Your Beefcake. Fortunately I've never been attracted to any guy I've worked with. Ever.
4. If you could have written and sung one song (that has already been written and sung by someone else), what would it be and why?
Dude, the options are totally endless here. Are we pretending I'm not tone deaf and have some sort of musical range? OK, if we are then I'd sing the following: Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" (don't laugh!), Rooster's "Staring at the Sun" (again, don't laugh) or Eminem and D12's "How Come." Actually, I'd sing most stuff. Except death metal.
5. If you were having tea with the Queen of England, what would you talk about?
That's too easy: when the was the last time she got laid. But I'd ask it in a colonial manner, like, "Elizabeth, the procreation of the Windsor line has been stunted since the birth of Charles, is this on purpose, or haven't you any time in your hectic schedule?"
I'd also ask her 1) why she hated Diana so much
2) What does she really think of Fergie
3) What does she watch on BBC Prime (because I assume that's the channel of choice)
4) Has she ever cooked, and what's her speciality? (Liz's Lasagne, or what)
5) What does she think of the Kyoto protocol
6) Does she diet
7) Does she ever think, "Shit hot! I'm the bloody queen!" randomly during the day
8) Honestly, if she had to choose one person to have sex with, who'd it be? (Then security would come in, drag me our of Buckingham Palace, before I get an answer, which would probably be along the lines of 'David Hassehoff.'
Right, who wants to be tagged?