Friday, October 21, 2005

it's finally happened

...I am having a nervous breakdown. I'm a drama queen, so this fits perfectly into my known personality traits. It's not like one big thing happened and now I'm insane. No. Little things have built up and built up. and quite frankly, I need to get outta here.

The things that have happened are as follows:
1) Nobody really loves me. It sounds stupid and over-dramatic, but that's the truth. Steve doesn't really, my parents are too busy in their lives to really notice or care, and my friends as well.
2) the car dealership has lost my license disc and ID book.
3) Steve's brother got engaged to his pyscho girlfriends last night and she's pregnant. This has made me reaccess relationships, marraige EVERYTHING and quite frankly IT'S BULLSHIT.
4) The tax office has suddenly registered me as a provisional taxpayer. Apparently they suddenly think I own a company and am liable to pay up now.
5) I'm not good at anything. I can do everything, but I'm good at anything.
6) The whole ex vibe haunts me and has made me insane finally.
7) WHY IS EVERYONE HOOKING UP/GETTING HITCHED?
8) I am severly depressed.
9) I need to go overseas very soon and get lost in the Peruvian jungle. Like tomorrow.
10) I smoke and drink too much.

So there you have it. I'm not on the verge of a meltdown, I am in one. And I have never felt so alone and out of control in my life.

5 comments:

Ed said...

In the United States, if you are a pyschotic, you run for president. Or at least that is how it has seemed to me for the last 20 years. Because you are not a citizen and obviously can't run, why not try running for President of Peru instead?

Peas on Toast said...

Janie thank you so much. It's so nice to know that no matter what, people go through the same emotions and weak patches at some time in their lives. I think I need some time out. Perhaps after this day is over and the nightmare of everything changing too quickly or not changing at all, I'll come out better for it.
In the meantime, I have to change. How I think and how I live, regardless of the mayhem around me. But thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. xx

Ed - Running for president right now would send me staright to a mental asylum. Perhaps I'll try next year.

Christopher D. Bate said...

I hope the dark clouds shift away soon. I know how it is when you have moods like this. I have them often and mostly for the same reason (Aside from the car issues. I can't drive)
I usually throw on some loud, upbeat music, throw out a bunch of things I don't need and start to list everything and everyone I don't need in my life. I have a clearout on a grand scale.
My ex almost ruined me and everyday I'm down i think: "She'd laugh her arse off if she saw me this way". If nothing else that picks me up and puts the fight back in me.

Be well.

xx

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Chris. You're right, I'm going to clean out my linen closet this weekend, and I'm going to LOVE it. xx

Nettie said...

That whole marriage attatchment thing is highly overrated. It's got to be, right?