The most amazing thing happened yesterday evening. I went home, preparing to mooch around, when a friend of mine popped in with a bottle of wine and some snacks.
We got chatting about her previous relationship, which, according to her was a nightmare. I haven't really aired my dirty laundry, so to speak, as to the main reason I left Steve. I don't really plan to either. I was embarrassed, I thought I was the only one, and because he's a decent soul deep down, I'm not going to to slate him to all mine and his friends. Ever.
But because this is a blog, and for catharctic reasons, I will elaborate. But only a little.
My friend's previous relationship was centered around emotional and physical abuse. Mine was like this too. And because I thought this was normal, and 'it doesn't get better than this,' and because I loved the guy, I stayed. Then just over two weeks ago, I reached the end of my tether. He trashed our apartment as he left. But I was relieved instead of sad. It's still hard, because I DO miss him and I know his intentions were never to be like this.
What I am dealing with now is this:
1) Was it me that made him like this?? (Apparently not. But I still feel partially to blame. I am not the easiest person to be with, I'm the first to admit.)
2) I am not alone! Apparently this is quite fucking common. How scary is that?
3) I am out! I've done it!
So I'll leave it at that. No relationships are perfect. He is a good guy deep down, but unfortunately there are things about him I cannot change.
PS: My Saturday Night Conquest asked me out on a cooking course date on Saturday. Can't go, got debaucherous party to go to with my amazingly wonderful friends. Rain check, perhaps.