Thursday, February 23, 2006

week of pain

Regardless of how happy I am to be dating someone at the moment, it doesn’t draw from the fact that I am still getting over my last relationship. It has only been four months since the big break up.

You have your good weeks and your bad. I know it wasn’t right.
And over the last month I’ve been ok.

This week, however, continues to be horrific.
Everyone I possibly know has affected this week for me.

My ex knows me so well. He knows what advice to dish out on any occasion, he knows what I love, what I hate and pretty much what I’m feeling at any one time. That’s why we’re still very close, albeit having given up on the relationship that unraveled drastically over the last two years together.

His family is my second family. I still talk to his mother, and like yesterday, to his father. His adolescent brother phones me up for advice. Leaving my ex meant that I was essentially leaving his family, so a big chunk of my life has been thrown into a void.

He sent me flowers without a card on Valentine’s Day, and I knew they were from him, although he only admitted this hours later. I’ll be ok, I suppose getting over people goes in steps. You hit a plateau, then you have to work at getting to the next one.

There are times, when I’m flying as high as a kite, I know it wasn’t right and I know ultimately we probably would’ve made each other very unhappy, and I’m glad we had the strength to finally admit this. Small Bum and him are so different, which is good but disconcerting at the same time. I knew what to do with Steve, I never had to guess. It’s hard work getting to know and trust a new person again.

I met up with my best guy friends last night at a cocktail do. One let slip that my ex is having strippers over to his place on Friday. Usually this is a mundane sort of thing I wouldn’t have a crisis over, but this week, I am feeling the sting.

Then Small Bum, who is fucking grumpier than I am in the mornings – and shouldn’t be since he doesn’t have to go into work – blames me, blames me! Because he got bitten by mosquitoes last night. Why ruin a perfectly good napover with “This never happens when you’re not here.”

And Weezy, although apologetic for her behaviour this weekend, has made me so angry I don’t want to even look at her over the next couple of weeks.

Bringing me to conclude in a web of lost relationships and rocky friendships: WHY DOES EVERYONE, EVERYONE! FEEL THAT THEY CAN TALK TO ME AS THEY LIKE and/or BLAME ME FOR THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF MY HANDS?
I have had enough. No more Miss Nice Guy. I am a bitch as from today.


Anonymous said...

I wonder if I'm happy
wonder if I'm mad
I wonder why the whole wide world is so wonderfully sad
I don't know bout that but I can tell you this
that when I drink a lot of beer y'know I gotta piss... off
people should be pissed off
people should be pissed off
for lack of knowledge
read read read read read read read everything you can read and
learn learn learn learn learn learn learn everything you can learn
cause there is no tomorrow like today
and there is no today like tomorrow
and they will stick you and they will stick you in the end
- Violent Femmes "Lack of Knowledge"

Peas on Toast said...

Anonymous - Do I have the botheration to learn anything about people right now? Not really. But for future reference, I shall remember the Violent Femmes. Thank you.

bellxone said...

Bonjour !
its me again the FRENCH****

i am still pleased to read your page !

have a nice day

Bellxone, alias Philippe, Bordeaux, FRANCE

Anonymous said...

I just read this last entry with an impending sense of dread - it has been a month and a half since me and my ex split and I wonder if I will ever feel better. To complicate matters more, I just met someone else too, although I have decided to keep this very low key and celebrate the fact that I AM SINGLE!
I guess when you've been with someone for a long time, it leaves a kind of footprint on your heart and subconcious and there will be days when it overwhelms you!
All it takes is time....
(and a great distraction, like your "small bum" friend)

Jam said...

(sorry - previous entry was me, Jam)

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Jam
From what I've figured, everything I think depends on how long you've been with someone, how well you know them and they know you and how much you loved each other.
My relationship was 5 and a half years, so we knew each other pretty damn well. So an imprint is it! However, by me keeping things casual with Small Bum means that I won't run for the hills like one would with a rebound, and having him around has certainly made this break up a lot easier than planned.

Don't freak out though: everyone deals with this stuff differently. It's taken me four months of numbness, sdaness and relief to come to where I am today, which I presume will be different tomorrow.
Good luck dear, I'm sure your new fling is fantastic, and will hopefully work out for you. xx

Peas on Toast said...

Bellxone - Bonjour mon petit puce.

Christopher said...

Hey! Hey! I've changed my address. If you still want be be blog buds then adjust your links to the following:

I can be found here from here on in...

Anonymous said...

HOLY COW... (don't you just love that old saying)
it sounds like I am reading the diary of my own life... a little more exciting and written much better than I ever could!!

broke up after 5 years 7 months ago. Also have that whole he know me so well... relationship unraveling over 2 yrs... family is my second family and I am also still in touch...

flying high as a kite know it wasn't rite... friends let things slip that you would rather not know...

phew... sometimes one feels like the only one...