Jeeziz Christ I am DYING here.
I have not seen a cigarette for exactly 56 hours and 2 minutes and 54 seconds. I am so uncomfortable right now. In fact, I'd rather be sitting in my own wet nappy, sucking away on Marlboro Lights.
From 10 a day to nothing, what do I have to look forward to?
1) Getting fat. I cannot stop eating.
2) Getting stoned. Best alternative to tobacco.
3) Feeling stoopid as a result.
5) Not being able to sleep.
6) No smoke breaks at work.
7) Watching most of my mates light up willy-nilly, while I need to sit on my hands.
Nobody tells you about this fucking awful aftertaste you have in your mouth once you give up either. Jeeziz. It's like I've gargled Domestos.
I am so unbelievably cranky, I have even switched off my extended arm/cellphone for the day. This is big. I cannot be bothered to make sweet with small talk to randoms that phone me, or talk to Small Bum. So I have chosen to disappear.
Small Bum is at the pinnacle of this irritation because:
1) He gave me such a shocking speech about what happened to his dad because he smoked that I actually just had to give up. The choice simply was no longer mine. And that in itself fucks me off.
2) One day I'm going to have to thank HIM for giving up, meanwhile it was me. Talk about undue credit.
3) He has a job now that involves funny hours/shifts. I will never see him. Fuck him for that.
4) We not a 'usual' couple. We don't a have an 'our song,' we're not in love, we don't suck face all day long, and I am the one who, let's face it, has the healthy libido between us. Well fuck that. As great as it is on the surface to be slightly normal and still very independent of each other, right now, more than anything, I want someone to love me. But he will only 'fall in love with me' if he decides he wants to marry me, when he's 29 to be precise. We're 25. This. Irritates. Me. No. End. He's controlling everything that most people can't.
5) And all the new couples surrounding me at present cannot stop sucking face, having vertical sex on the dancefloor or just about, staring into each other's eyes like pavement special puppies, and are bonded by the hip. It's sick. But somehow I wouldn't mind having that for maybe like a week?
So. Tonight I will sulk with my phone off. And probably get stoned so I can fall asleep without the help of tobacco.
Tough times ahead indeed.