Wednesday, April 05, 2006

speak dirty to me

Well something cheered me up immensely last night.
On the way home from drinks at a friends place, I say to Small Bum in the car:
"If you had the opportunity to do anything to me...think about it...anything, anything! Or you had the power to get me to do anything to you, what would it be?"

This was an innocent stab at trying to talk dirty with the guy. Innocent because I don't have the ability to do it like a porn star, and innocent because, in fact, my dirty talk is mostly clean.

To which I get:
"I'd want to stick it up your left nostril."

Luckily, I found this so amusing I thought my sides would split.
He was joking, of course. But I'm thinking dirty talk can't be learnt. It's not a technique that is gained. You're either good at it or you're not.

19 comments:

Billy said...

Laughing: Good.

Glad to hear SB has the gift!

Peas on Toast said...

Clearly ! :) There are some things I'm willing to teach, and there are some things he's gonna have to learn on his own. :)

So funny.

Jam said...

My dirty talk is lousy too. I am always struck with the overwhelming urge to fall over laughing, even when someone is a good dirty talker, because it often sounds so contrived.

Glad to see you're feeling a bit better today!

Mike said...

Nice! Isnt that called a Nostrildamus when you stick it in her nose? Thats what I've heard :)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - that's exactly what Small BUm says. It sounds so cheesy. Which is why I can only sort of do it after a drink or two ;)

Mike - Nostrildamus? wahahahahahaha.:)

Third World Ant said...

Every now and again, I try dirty talk with the Gilb, the reaction I always get is for him to freeze mid-thrusting and frown. SO not the desired effect! Hence, I stick to sweet nothings, appreciative moans/sighs/etc and a few guiding suggestions...

Peas on Toast said...

Because Small Bum and the Gilb seem awfully similar in the sack, I have definitely toned down my appreciative babbling and fantasy-tellings.

In fact, now, I say nothing. Not a word. It's like I can't now. But asking about a fantasy with a straight face and expecting a straight faced answer back shouldn't be a tall order should it?
Like when you're driving, talkign about the weather, what food we like, that sort of thing?

Or I suppose it is. Who would've thought usually loud men could be so shy, eh? ;)

Billy said...

i dont hear anything in mid shag except the headboard against the wall and the screams of delight from the neighbors.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - Oh cupcake! There is NOTHING worse than hearing the primal screams of others in the throes of passion. Can I suggest an Ipod/wall insulator?
It's happened to me before and I couldn't handle it.

Antoine said...

The logistics tax my overactive imagination.

However I once knew a lass who liked.... erm - thats another story

The smile looks good on you Peas

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Antoine. Long may it last! :)

Daedalus said...

It's sick the way you people keep talking sex without me

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - you're welcome to join in on Peas' Sex Talk Club anytime my dear.
We're not exclusive you know. ;)

Daedalus said...

See no evil, hear no evil, bônk no evil. :P Nice blog - I guess I am barging in despite the invite :)

Aquila said...

gawd - that's gonna hurt...

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - thanks chine.

Aquila - Can you imagine....?

Daedalus said...

*Aquila* and *Daedalus* in the same web-space may lead to chaos, panic and disorder...

Daedalus said...

PS: Peas -- If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry or left you confused, then I meant the other one!

Meet Handsome African Men said...

I just happened to stumbled across your blog while spreading news about the fastest growing social network that is dedicated to young Africans all over the world, Lurrenzinc.com. I think your blog and the way you have with words is pretty unique. keep up the good work. Please don't forget to join us too. We need more people like you.