Thursday, April 06, 2006


So after much snot bubbling was had on Monday, and lots of words thrown around, Ex S and I have decided to call a truce. I don’t owe him anything, and he doesn’t owe me anything. We have, over the last two days, blown up at each other, cried, asked torturous questions about our new lovers, and have finally passed the olive branch conclusively.

It was established that the reason we are collectively hurt is because we still care deeply for each other, possibly because we were together longer than many people are married these days. It was also established that I am not strong enough to see him just yet, knowing that he is with that girl, and we both don’t know who wrote the hurtful comment, although it seemed very personal.
I have done my ranting and raving, so for now, I’m letting my anger, hurt and sadness go.

And most fundamentally, I am letting him go.

But more pressing domestic matters ensue. Owing to the fact our apartment is about 40 years old, the pipes, drainage and general 70s puke green design of our bathroom leaves much to be desired.
The drain is blocked.

We've tried plunging. Plunging is fun, except now we're a little over it. We bought concentrated sulphuric acid drain cleaner to pour down the plug, only to strip the enamel off the bath and leave the place smelling like rotten eggs.

Then there's the actual shower itself. Sort of half hanging off the wall, the delightful contracption can only be used when one stands in the bath. It's an accident waiting to happen. Small Bum happened to shower, or try, at our place this morning.

He turned on the taps full blast, turning our usually anti-pressure shower into a raging water beast - the writhing shower head drenched the bathroom from top to bottom, leaving poor Small Bum soaping himself down in the puddle in the bath because it won't drain.

I'm sure you can get a more decent shower at boarding school. In fact, you can.


Jam said...

If you have seen someone for a very long time, they become entrenched in your heart and your mind and no matter how bad things got in the end - you were subconciously used to having that person there. So getting over them takes a lot of time. And part of this is letting them go. Speaking from experience, not seeing your ex for a while and having NO contact really does take the edge off.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - touche/touchay. We have decided that under all circumstances we won't have any contact for the next 6 months.
It's a relief almost.

Jam said...

I tried to compare me giving up my ex to giving up - say - cigarettes. Just find things to distract you when you get that URGE to call, and after two weeks it gets much easier.

Speaking of which, how is the cigarette story?

Peas on Toast said...

Very true. Funny enough Jam the cigarette thing is going splendidly! One thing that is actually going right at the moment!

It's been a grand total of 11 days, with not even one sly puff on the side!

It's getting easier. But then I'm getting fatter. I'm trying not to stuff my face as an oral substitute, but it's hard.
But even so, those first three days were pure unadulterated hell. I'll never forget how cranky I was. Now it's a helluva lot easier. Long may it last.

Are you still planning to give up/have given up?

Billy said...

Good to hear you have some peace at the moment Peas. Well done on the smoking thing that is impressive! I lost a side bet with my other self on that!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Bill. Peace isn't something I experience often. One wonders how long it will last.
As for smoking, I am fundamentally proud of myself, if I can say. I have "given up" twice before only to start again.
Not to say it isn't difficult. I might even add it to my CV as one of the hardest acheivements I've ever conquered.

(March 2006 - Gave up smoking. I am made of steel. I think I deserve the job.)

Jam said...

Yes. I managed to give up on Saturday. Which means that I am on Day 4. And cranky. Yes. My poor animals at home get the brunt of it. I like your last comment - I think if you can give up smoking, you can do ANYTHING!

Da Hool said...

Thank you Peas and good luck :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - seriously?? Well done girlfriend! And you haven't made a peep about it. All I have done is bitched and moaned. Day 4 means you're over the worst hurdle: the 3 Day thing.
Well done my dear, you should be very proud. Here's to us!

What are you going to buy yourself at the end of the month? Me - shoes all the way.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks da hool ;)

Billy said...

Who da hool?

sorry i couldnt resist.

Jam said... will have to go towards my "dancing" fund - being fit, expressive and having fun.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - da hool seems to be a first timer. :)

Jam - as long as you treat yourself adequately for giving up. Those shoes are just waiting for me. Waiting.

Leigh said...

Sheesh... I don't smoke but I gave up coke and pills a year 9 months and 6 days ago... Still think about it every day. Treasure every little milestone - 1 day, 3 days 1 week etc because that's what will keep you going when you feel like giving up and lighting up. And don't worry about the weight gain - it's all in your mind - it's impossible to gain more than 2 kilos in 1 week. So by now, the most you could have gained is less than 4 kilos - nothing a couple of days of intensive gymming won't cure... And just remember: Those expensive leather sandals will wait for you - regardless of how much the rest of you weighs, your feet remain the same size... :)

Peas on Toast said...

Shitters Leigh, it sounds like you've been to hell and back girlfriend. Smoking is minimal compared to what you've gone through. I feel almost...brattish. :)
And you've made me feel a helluva lot better about the weight gain, and I'm sure Jam feels the same way.

Fat feet or not, I'm squeezing my toes into the most rah-rah disgustingly expensive and one-season-only stiletto heels Nine West or Socrati can offer me.
Thanks for the inspiration Leigh, I'm more determined now than ever. :)

Daedalus said...

My *brother* gave up smoking and today, is *twice* the man he used to be ;)

As for giving up people after years in a relationship - ak! I stepped out of one 7 months ago that lasted 8 years - I wish you luck on adapting to the world outside that relationship. It is, however, a *comfort zone* that is no longer there.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - tell me about it. Getting used to someone or getting to know someone from scratch is hard work. It's almost foreign to me. And I do miss the comfort zone. I do.

But even so, no one has died directly from a breakup. Breakups haven't killed anyone per se. Which is always good news.

Daedalus said...

I am the absolute worst person to give advice on the topic. BUT. There is always the *BUT* with me se... hehe...

You will notice that you might start to judge all *new* people you meet by comparing them with what you are *used to*. You’ll start to value things you previously took for granted. Do not let those feelings and thoughts cloud your judgment – keep an open mind.

(Okay, I now sound like a psychologist and I have just contradicted myself, again.)

Peas on Toast said...

Daeldalus - Thank God someone has finally told me that. Bless your soul. Because that is exactly what is happening. Comparing the good and the bad, wishing I didn't take the good things for granted. Shit. And I really thought it was me being stupid.

*sigh of relief*.
Thank you!

Daedalus said...

Guess I’ll come to this weblog more often – Aquila told me about it the other night – he sure gets around that one.

Peas on Toast said...

Biggie up to Aquila :)
He's hired.

Carol said...

Ok I have been reading your blog for a while now. I find it inspiring specially since I broke up a 5 year relationship... WOW just realised almost 8 months ago.
supposed to be seeing him later and have suggested seeing "someone" together to help resolve issues... Gawd that sounds so stupid when I put it down in writing. Basically need him to get over me... now that sounds pompous and egotistical but it isn't meant that way.


Daedalus... do you still see your ex?

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Carol.
It doesn't sound stupid at all. In fact out of everyone here, I sound the most pathetic.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to actually walk away from this break up with Ex S without it affecting me.

All I know is seeing him now would be serious detriment to my health. The way I see it, no contact; no pain.

At least until I feel better.

Jam said...

Don't see him if you want him to get over you.
It's the best medicine.

Jam said...

Peas - I feel horrible most of the time. Suddenly being on your own after so long is like wearing clothes that don't fit - it's uncomfortable and you lost and stupid all of the time.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - it's strange hey. I found a jersey of Ex S's the other day in my cupboard and nearly had a fit.
I absolutely panicked. Do I keep it? Do I turf it out? Do I give it back to him?
It's these little stupid decisions that make one feel completely lost and juvenile.

I think we all need therapy. :)

Daedalus said...

Carol -- I do actually, every *now-and-then*. I think it helps that we live rather far apart now.

I will only comment this: refrain from post-relationship *interaction* until you are sure of your actions

( I know it is a non-sentence )

Carol said...

Peas - you don't sound pathetic!! No contact was my best medicine for the first 6 months. Since then we have tried to reach a friendship level but don't think it is actually possible with an ex...ever!

Jam - thanks for the reminder see above think I will resort back to no contact!!

Daedalus - is one ever sure of your actions? I like that post relasionship interactions...
PS - thanks for comic

ATW said...

curious that no-one's picked up on the 'boarding school showers' angle. That could keep this comment list going for at least another 28 comments...

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - was just thinking its so funny which angles people choose to take.
I sat for a while contemplating the whole "should I write an army shower or should I write boarding school shower?"

Either way, plumbing is just not what gets people talking. ;)

Daedalus said...

Concurred Peas. (30 + 1 Comments)