Thursday, May 25, 2006

on anger directed by me, the dumpee, at the dumper

So, if I was running an anonymous shop here, I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of curtailing my thoughts into something decidedly bland, keeping the anger that rises in me like a venomous cobra, somewhat PC. But who knows how deep into his friendship circle my blog transgresses.
So as anger and hurt stir within – hell hath no fury like a Peas scorned – I need to not be nasty. The whole modus operandi that I am way too familiar with needs to be watered down.

Which defies the whole blog purpose again, doesn’t it. I have to watch my words, try to be nice, and hope not to cause a backlash of offence. So, in essence, his name shall remain Small Bum and not be changed to Small Penis in the interim, as tempting as it is.

One must consider the effects of one’s burning-fire-furnace-anger mixed with pure solid hatred and agonising sadness when one plants one’s life on the Internet. One needs to practice a firm element of control, which is fine by me.
However, I think I deserve a little rage at present. If grief is a process, then I’m somewhere between stage one and two, notwithstanding foreseen rage.

The way I see it: Would it be better to send him my therapy bills from a skull-fuckingly expensive shrink, or would it be best, and less traumatic on his bank balance, just to do it all here? Hopefully I’m allowed to indulge a little. All is fair in love and war afterall, so I will happily give reason why I think that the angry statements I will henceforth spew are justified:

1) I loved him. He did not love me.
2) He dumped me. I did not dump him.

And in case you need more reason than that, you have my word: I will not bitch nastily, if there is such a thing. I won’t comment on, say, his bedroom repertoire, or on the skinniness of his pins. He never treated me badly, he was never nasty. In fact, I almost respect him for his cutting-edge honesty about how frankly he didn’t give a fuck about me.

Therefore, I won’t comment on things he cannot change.
I will only comment on the things he can.
This way, the anger he deserves from me is directed his way in a purely constructive manner. I promise to do only one daily bitching per post per day. It will be short, sweet and cathartic.

Soon, hopefully, I’ll be warming my chilly winter bed through the medium of compulsive and frictional masturbation, as soon as the comforting heady hormones driving my insatiable libido allow me so. And later on, hopefully, a few random men whose socks I will knock off, simply by opening my mouth. One dares to dream.

Small Bum Goes to Hollywood (And Frankie wasn't invited):
He rates himself. He even told me with a straight face that he gives himself a 9/10. The problem is I rate Jake Gyllenhaal a 9/10. For the love of Christ, does he honestly think he is in the same arena as Hollywood’s arguably best looking man? Although this is secondary to the actual rating of oneself, itself.
Who does that? Does Brad Pitt even do that? By all means, get rated. But never do it yourself. Adding insult to [his] injury, I noticed him not the first, or the second, but only the third time we met. Giving credit where it is due, his personality is what interested me enough to talk to him to start with.
Lesson learnt: Arrogance is not an endearing quality to look for in a man with above-average looks, but whose personality way surpasses this.


Daytripper said...

Hey Peas. I hate to be the one to quibble here, but sounds to me like the person you are angry with here is you, not SB!
In essence, from what you have said, you weren't interested in him in the first place, he did things that made you think less of him and you still went and fell for him. So again, who are you really angry with here?

fly said...

Ah, rage and anger and feeling the need to lash out can always be justified at this stage but truthfully speaking it damages you more than him...

If you could control the amount of time spent on anger it would be fine but generally you cant, well I cant at least, and it just leaves me stewing for months....w=hich eventually leads to months of celibacy and reclusiveness (is that actually a word ???, if not Ive got dibs on it :o)...)

Best to leave it behind and look forward, tell yourself that in 2 years time you wont even rememeber old "whats his name with the skinny legs" and that it was for the better anyways...he obviously couldnt appreciate what he had so sorry for him ;o)

goldfish said...

I'm sure you're finding that it really does help to vent your anger. Sadly enough though, if he was as brutally honest as you say he was, then you'll probably find that your anger will dissipate over time and will slowly (very slowly) be replaced by grudging respect and finally, perhaps, even friendship. Of course this is only because you seem exceptionally confident and well grounded and will undoubtedly have someone new slavering over you by Sunday.

Not that I'm big on revenge because I do believe in karma, but when the chef and I ended (badly - he was cheating with the girl who lived downstairs from my best friend, so of course he'd never be caught) I figured that a small petty revenge wouldn't ruin my karma chances that much. I'd subscribed to Food & Entertainment magazine for him, and figured, "Why should he get the gift that keeps on giving?". So I called them up and changed the address to my Mom's place. And blow me down, if that didn't help make me feel immensely better about life!

Kevin Cadman said...

Hey Peas.

That was an excellently written article.

I propose you start a 'private' blog that only a few people have access to. That way, you can vent all you want and be safe in the knowledge that nobody that you DON'T want to read it is happily perusing through the inner workings of your intricate mind! ;) The problem is - you don't want a 'select' few to read it either - a bit of a paradox;)

I recommend wine, comedy dvd's and a good friend who doesn't mind (nay, encourages) the use of the following words: fuck, shit, bastard, asshole, smallpenis, dickhead, loser and any derivative thereof. Letting go of all of the hurt is far more pro-active than bottling it up.

Anger is simply a step you have to go through, just thank Holy Jesus on a stick that you've past the major part of the 'hurt' stage.

God, a girl that writes about masturbation. He's a fucking idiot for breaking up with you!

With that said, your writing style is absolutely fantastic. I wish I was creative and eloquent as you!

Have a great day. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Morning chaps.

Daytripper - I am angry with myself. Definitely. For letting him in. But even though he had skinny legs and rated himself, I loved him. Which is why I am angry with myself too.

Fly - this anger is only temporary. And I fear I will bounce between anger and sadness for a while. But in the meantime, it helps me to feel better.

Goldfish - good on ya sunshine! I'm not angry enough to do anything about my anger, mainly because he didn't cheat on me. But, it does feel good to vent. If anything I'm trying to convince myself he wasn't perfect afterall.

So again, please everybody bear with me while I convince myself not to love this person anymore.

Peas on Toast said...

Kevin - You're great. I dig you. :)

Nessers said...

Fate determines who comes into our lives. The heart determines who
stays... Life is too short for drama & petty things,
so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love truly and forgive quickly

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - I'm not ready to forget the drama and petty things just yet. If only I could. Maybe next week.
After I've vented a little.

fly said...

Say it with me Pea's....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...


Peas on Toast said...

Fly - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (with a dramatised and soulful sob at the end.)

GoDsGiMp said...

Good Morning!

I've been up late writing shity short story so forgive me if I'm not my usual sparky self.

Just a thought, SP (small penis) or BP (broken penis) whatever, would really be silly to be reading your blog. Its like knowing your ex girlfriends email password and using it (I was 16 forgive me). Maybe its not him your worried about reading this blog.

And since im feeling snotty and shitty this morning may i too vent my rage.

SHit, Fuck, Cunt, Poes ,Naai, Shitfuck, Poes, Motherfucker, Dickwad, Analy retentive arsehole, Lower then camel shit, Gaint pile of bat guano, Shitface, Droopy dick, Assface........ GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - you're cool. I dig you. Especially since you're about as fed-up with life as I am.

And your general bad-word dictionary will definitely be put to good use by yours truly. :)

I'm not sure if Small Bum reads my blog, but just in case, I will always tell the truth.
Until then, let's be angry together. :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Don't get me wrong Pea's life is good. Life is fun, as I tell you so often, laughing is great and its really worth living life for, honestly!

But this morning I feel like the arse end of life!


So we should laugh instead!


Anyway I posted that link to my, ill admit not very good story. Have a read when you got the time.

Peas on Toast said...

Oohh yay - please post the link up onto this post and I'll definitely take a squizz.

GoDsGiMp said...

Well here it is. Bear with the file hosting thing. I really need to find a better place to host files. This one you have to be careful not to press the wrong button or else you get ADVERTISING, theres a dirty word for you!

This is the story you helped me with yesterday, the one I dont like, its called Good Luck

The other story link is on my latest post.-he-said-

GoDsGiMp said...

Peas & Co have a good day now that you got all your anger out. Try do some laugh, even if only cause I told you to!
I gotta go write a test and attend my final writing seminar. Bleh. Ill see you tommorow or later!

Revolving Credit said...

Now people lets not get all rational about things. We knew there was going to be a time of sadness and a time of anger - healing comes later. Anger 1st !!

Peas, you're allowed to be angry!! Screw what people think reading your blog. It's your blog and your medium to vent. If SB is reading it, so what!! It's what you really feel right now....if he doesn't like it he can start his own blog.

As to name calling, I respect that you don't want to call him new names. but since he is currently known as Small Bum, maybe we can play around with that (no pun intended)

Here's what I'm thinking a good synonym is for Small Bum - Tight Ass, Micro Sphincter, Baby Backdoor, Trivial Tush, Meager Mudhole, Dwarf Anus, Paltry Pooper, Shrimpy Shitflap, Tiny Turd Tunnel, Reduced Rectum....

You choose...let see who can add to this list!

Daytripper said...

oi, Godsgimp, if you're a budding writer, you should submit some stuff to impi... its a new literary portal i am launching next month.... You too actualy Peas!
Lemme kow if you wanna submit, i can send you an email addy!

zuzula said...

LOL... Small Penis (sniggers helplessly)

Jam said...

You know what Peas? It's his problem, not yours. While I know you're trying to be rational and even, it can be really tough when someone has treated you baddly. And he has. By continuing to be in a relationship when 50 percent of him was not sure he should be. So vent away.

My ex reads my blog - that's HIS problem, not mine. Say what you need to and get it all out otherwise you WILL end up in a therapists chair...

And arrogance doesn't look good on men.

Kel said...

Im a definate 9/10 lol.Im kidding.Seriously though...i completely agree with Jam..its his issue not yours.
Good luck hun!

Phil said...

Hell. Good to be back Peas. Been battling with a kak connection at work which would not allow me to comment on the last few weeks of your posts. Enjoyed the post about your community as I remember the same stores and people from when i lived in the area.
Sorry about SB> such is life I am afraid. All I can say is I been there and done that more than a few times in my life.....the dumper and dumpee.....and life goes on somehow. Be grateful you can vent and get over it somehow.
Stay well.....and keep looking...somehow we all HAVE to keep looking for that special someone........makes life a bit dreary and boring if we either accept second best or accept that "THE" person for us does not exist out there somewhere.....

Champagne Heathen said...

Can I join in on this Anger Moment?
Although, my anger is directed at far less interesting targets than some cute guy with a love-offering issue.
Rather it is just at my company & useless colleagues. And I am despising them & am so focused on escaping that love-offering/ lust-offering/ any offering of man is not interesting me at all as of late.
And that thought is when I get REALLY ANGRY. Who wouldn't hate their company for damaging their sex drive!!
So, Peas, enjoy the anger directed at supposed 9/10 men for me too right now!

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving credit - I knew I could rely on you. Brilliant, brilliant! I may just start calling him that in the open-faced public! (Tiny turd tunnel) LOL. :)

Daytripper - I'm keen. Read a bit about it on Jam's blog. Email me!

Zuzula - Peas' sniggers helplessly with you. ;)

Jam - I almost WANT him to read my blog. He can't deny that anything I've written isn't true.

Kel - I'm sure you're a 9 doll face. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Phil - nice to see you back doll face. And I'm not so sure there is that special someone, I'm afraid. I'm way too cynical right now to bring myself to look for it. It would really have to stare me right in the face.

champagne - I'm sorry to hear that my dear. If it's any consolation, my colleagues piss me off too. Big time. So between you, myself and Godsgimp, let's be angry. By the time I hit the bar later, hopefully I'll feel much, much better.

fly said...

9/10 is pretty presumptuous though... ?!

I've actually just thought about that now.... :o? was he like a super model or summin ??? :oP

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - Can you handle it? 9/10 means you should be fucking good looking. It means somehow you are almost a god.
Most people, with a healthy self-esteem, wouldn't even consider rating themselves, nevermind rating themselves at 90% perfect.
He wasn't a supermodel. Granted, he is of above-average looks, and has wonderful eyes. But all this I only noticed after I actually had a conversation with him. It was his personality that reeled me in. But now being in love with him and rapidly trying to get over this, I think he's good looking. But then, I'm biased. And hopefully not for too much longer.

fly said...

Looks are truly in the eye of the beholder....I love seeing something special in somebody only after meeting them a few times...

Its like "hey you got a dimple, cute..." ...I know this isnt helping tho... ;o)

9/ I would only rate Brad Pitt as a 9...I mean I would even sleep with him...and im str8 :oP

capdog said...

and it just got bitchy.... ouch

Revolving Credit said...

Shit, last post disappeared into nothingness.
Try again...

Lets approach this scientifically:

average = 5

above average looks = +1
wonderful eyes = +1
dated Peas = +2

Sub Total = 9/10

froggy hands = -1
dumped Peas = -3
broken weener = -3

Grand Total = 2/10

The way I see it is that while he was with you, you made him 9/10, without you he's just 2/10.

However, consider this:

losing nympho girlfriend =PRICELESS

ergo: 2/10 - priceless = LOSER

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - yip. I did love his eyes and his funny little nose. I thought they were gorgeous. After the fourth time we met I thought so.

Capdog - welcome to the snake pit.

Revolving - you're so hired. Jeepers sometimes I really, really, really wish he was reading this!

Revolving Credit said...

Helloooo.....Meagry Mudhole aka M&M aka Small Bum....are you out there...r u reading this (who knows, he might be!)

think about this:

(2/10 - priceless = LOSER) + funny little nose = 'starting to sound suspiciously like Quasimodo'

Peas, was he meant to be a boyfriend or a pet???

Peas on Toast said...

Well, I did love running my fingers through his chest I suppose in essence, he was meant to be both.

*sigh*. Tonight I will go out and get horrendously hammered. As per usual this week.

Revolving Credit said...

Nothing wrong with stroking the fur...I do every opportunity I get :)

Peas on Toast said...

Um... bless? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

LOL..Um..bless as in shaved???

I know women often change their hairstyle when going through a change in relationship...but never quite extrapolated it to the nether region...LOL again

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving - *blush*. a loss for words until further notice.

(This isn't usual. I blame current circumstances.)

Revolving Credit said...

Hon..if you're laughing, smiling, blushing then my work is done...see, you can do it.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks dear.
I'm laughing more than you know. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Why, 'cause it itches??

Peas on Toast said...

Sure....why not? :)

Revolving Credit said...

Well you know what they say...I your palms are itchy you're going to be getting some if its itching down there one can only elude to what you may be getting :) fingers crossed.

Peas on Toast said...

OK revolving for the record - I'm not itchy down there. I swear.

If I was, I'd assume the little fucker, whose name we shall not speak of, has given me crabs. And then I wouldn't be sitting here, I'd be in a clinic. Trust me. Who knows where he has stuck his...lovestick afterall.

Nope not itchy, just tickled pink. Brownie's Honour.

PS: I wasn't a Brownie, FYI. But still, respek to them.

fly said...

LOL@Peas ~:oD

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like your mind is mulling things over and I suspect you may have chosen a wicked new hairstyle as we speak as part of your exorcism of SB....Tickled pink indeed!

Peas on Toast said...


Enchainting thought though, and hey, while I have ample time on my hands these days to pamper myself with new haircuts and so forth, perhaps I will indulge.

But a lady never tells. About her bush that is. :)

Revolving Credit said...

So what would be your preferred form of pampering these days?

Revolving Credit said...

...besides beating around the bush

Peas on Toast said...

Well, unfirtunately nothing too exciting. Or sexual. My sexual appetite has gone from hero to zero over the last week. But all is not lost. I'm pretty certain by next week I'll be wanting sex more than a sexual person wants a whole of of sexy sex.

So pampering oneself at this moment, includes lots of red wine, long hot baths, and buying myself new underwear from La Senza. (Which I'll be doing with THird World Ant this weekend.;)

Revolving Credit said...

Scary're probably gonna be reaching the point of "fuck I've had enough of this depressses nun shit and I'm gonna grab me some man ass" right about the time that you may be joining Ant in ( as she put it ) Sepoenda.
I find that possibility fucking hilarious....hey maybe if you do do the hair, get a mullet..that shit will go down so well there....ha,ha,ha

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my Gad, don't even say it, guy.

If I get laid in The Poenda I'll never live that down.

Moolay-ville. Frulletville. (Fringe mullet.)

Oh my greatness. The Poenda, lay, oh god, No!

PS: Ant are you listening? You keep these mulleted men away from me, you understand?

GoDsGiMp said...

Well lets see what I missed!

Man I knew reading all this would provide me with a good laugh.

Peas: How can you possible not be smiling with humorous people like revolving around.. Shrimpy shitflap!!!

Turns out i got the time wrong of my test so I still have soemthing to look forward to today at 6pm. GRrrrrrrrrrrr

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - there's no doubt, revolving might actually get prize for Card of the Day. He's been a scream.

Except for the part about me getting some in Secunda/The Poenda.

That's just not on. ;)

PS: Good luck for your test big guy, I'm sure you'll wing it.

GoDsGiMp said...

Shrimpy shitflap!!!

I definitely feel better now, thanks revolving

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you can deny it all you want but your current vulnerable disposition and 'fuck-it' attitude could lead you down the garden path( or around the cooling tower as it may be in this case)...can you say 'dubbel klippies en coke asseblief, Oom'

'cause after you've said that shit 6 or 7 times in The Poenda..pardon the pun, you may be f***ed!!

Best ya takes ya own stash of tequila and cane..stick to what you know rather than the 'Pa slaan Ma wyn'

As a safety precaution get some knickers with the 'Union Jack' on them. If any Dutchman gets that far this may be the only thing that will scare the shit out of him :0

Peas on Toast said...

Yikes, hold me back!

This kan be like what dreams is made of! ;)

Shit. Perhaps I should delay the trip for when I am more...stable.

Ek se fokken woah.

Revolving Credit said...

...or "Union Jack' self-respecting dutchman will ever raise the Union Jack of his own free will or free willy as the case may be....LOL

Peas on Toast said...

Shit can you imagine.

(Luckily I can't.)

Third World Ant said...

Not that I'm an expert in the 'Poenda man - mine only just moved there - but, my bet is any of those will raise the Union Jack if needs be, what with the fact that there's nothing to do but drink and shag. I wouldn't be surprised if any of them carry the South African flag condoms - adorned with glow-in-the-dark decorations of course - on them too: put on the flag, and f@ck her for my country!

Peas, I'll make it my goal to find you a long-distance once-weekly shag in Poenda, that way I'll have some decent company for the two-hour journey!

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - are you shitting me.
Ha ha very funny guys. :)

Joke's over now. Time to go home. No more Poenda. Mkay?

Peas on Toast said...

PS: where's my personal bodyguard when I need him??
Billy where are you???

fly said...

wow peas nearly 60 posts !!!

Revolving Credit said...

The Peas's Poenda Protector...

That's what you need, someone who will go with you to Sepoenda and drink all those 'Klippe Colas' on your behalf.

If Ant is right and all that the peeps there do is drink & shag, Peas you may have lived in Sepoenda in a former life.

Thoughts to ponder...

Revolving Credit said...

If you're wearing that 'Union Jack'
that would make him 'The Poenda Protector' & 'Defender of the Realm'

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving - I nominate you as Poenda Protector. I'm sure Ant won't mind driving you there. :)

My days of both shagging and drinking are over for the time being. (Although the drinking part, I indulge in more than ever.)

If you return with great stories of fantastic sex, I'll consider the Poenda option. If you return with herpes, then I'll pass.
Deal? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Sweety, I will gladly drink all the Klippies piled upon me in a gallant effort to protect the name, honour and virtue of the fair Lady Peas...

but if you think I'm going shag those okes your must be kidding...don't care how pissed I get...Check guy, they male off-short of somewhere down the evolutionary tree...

Shit, the chicks probably have mullets as fucking wander the okes there have to drink so much dop.

But if ya want great stories of fantastic sex...I'll go there, drink their dop, eat their chop and conjure up great Munchauzenesc tales of my sexploits with the local livestock (I'm sure thats perfectly acceptable - these oke
are always telling me how much they 'smaak die bulle')


GoDsGiMp said...

I go away for five minutes to study and the conversation reaches "Poenda Protector"...... I feel I have missed out. Seeya tommorow

Billy said...

Whats up Goose!

Sorry, lifes hectic at the moment, have been watching from a distance but havent had a chance to jump in.

You ok babe? I see you are getting enough advise to script a Rikki Lake season. If i may add my two cents worth:

Hold on, it will get better.

Other than that get as hammered as a moose as often as possible. Thats helped me through some nasty shit but im as happy as a well laid tile now.

Peas on Toast said...

revolving - Deal. Ad you don't have to shag any okes on my behalf, I swear! :)

Billy - hello! I've missed you bg guy, but nice to see you back. :)