Wednesday, May 24, 2006

up in smoke

Like my fabulous readers, I have discovered another support system in the strangest of places. I briefly slipped off the wagon this weekend, I am almost sheepish to admit.

I smoked an entire box of cigarettes.

Come Sunday morning, I walked over to the corner café to buy another pack. My eyes were swollen from crying, I promptly told the owner what I had come for. He refused to sell me a box of cigarettes, of all the facking nerve.

For three years now, this little Portuguese man has sold me cigarettes, sold me airtime when I was on Pay As You Go, and sold me a bad pie every now and then. He is the type of person that if you don’t have time, don’t go in there. I know about his boat sitting in the port of Lisbon, I know about his family, his wife. Bless. He has told me his whole life, and sometimes I’m stuck there for 40 minutes. Sometimes he serves me first. He also knows I gave up smoking two months ago.

Me: Marlboro Lights please.
Him: No. I no sell you cigarettes.
Me: And why not?
Him: No.
Me: Fuck that.
Him: You no tell me to fuck.

So the little bastard refused to sell me a box. Bless him. Even though I was crying. Even though I threatened to go to the petrol station down the road instead. He patted my shoulder, gave me a free chocolate and told me to dry my eyes.
The dude that works at the Kung Fu Kitchen even stepped out to give me a pitiful stare and a wave. As well as the Indian family that runs the bottle store, who told me things will get better when I walked in on Saturday to buy me four bottles of wine, vodka and anything else I could lay my grief-stricken hands on. My little, yet peripheral community, is looking out for me.

The poor oke at Kung Fu Kitchen, bless his little Chinese slippers, has seen me at my worst on many an occasion. Usually with one or two mates, when we’re plastered and we’re craving Chicken Chow Mein at 11: at night. Or when I wander on over there in my pyjamas to buy prawn chips and a fortune cookie. Same with the girl that owns the pizzeria. She knows I take my salmon pizza with capers, not caviar.

In the meantime, I'm starting to feel a little more chipper. Last night I managed to laugh the entire evening. I'm also starting to feel angry. And therein, my friends, the fun starts.

62 comments:

Daytripper said...

Life has an interesting way of telling you things, doesn't it? The smallest coincidences, support where you would never expect it. Peas, you're doing well and fine, and I thnk SB was a nice little wake up call for you. You are valued, you are valuable, don't under sell yourself. Keep going!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks daytripper. Last night I was feeling so much better. This morning, sitting in my office, I have come crashing down. Perhaps its just the workload. ;)

But I think I'm going to be ok. :)

Anonymous said...

You're damn right it's going to be ok !!!
As one of the many avid followers of the Peas life and blog - the last few days have proved most disteressing and I am MOST chuffed to read another post that brings a huge smile to my face !!

You're the kind of person who makes other people happy just by being around. Don't forget that, and more importantly, don't lose that - things will get better and better !!

Big up to the shop owner for not selling you cigarettes. How's that for caring .... Like the Russian police - harsh but fair !!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - why thank you, whoever you are!

Admittedly, feeling like the back end of a bus ditresses me too. It's just not me, I love feeling cheerful.

I suppose I have found friends in new places: one being a 40-something Porro man who refuses to indulge in my smoky non-habit. :)

Kevin Cadman said...

Hi Peas,

I'm absolutely loving your blog - I've been reading it daily for over a week now.

It's pretty shitty when things like this happen, and the LAST thing you want to hear is time is the ultimate healer, no matter how true the proverb may be. However, in my observation, you are getting better and soon you'll meet someone who will make 'Small Bum' pale in comparison. Wait a while - you'll survive. Alcohol is your friend!

Once again, great blog. Keep it up.

Peas on Toast said...

Kevin - thank you so much! It's like every one of my regular readers is going through this break up with me, every step of the way. (You poor things!)

And funnily enough, "time is the ultimate healer" isn't the worst thing I've heard throughout this. I've had at least 6 "there are plenty fish in the sea," and that one drives me bananas. So never fear. :)

And I am definitely drinking my way through this - alcohol is my friend at night, and my foe in the morning. :)

fly said...

Dammit to heck and hell !!! ....

I had my 1st drag of a cigarette on saturday...this is after quitting for 4 years and that was after smoking 20 a day for 10 years...

The one that caused it all....a small little rolled up tabacco cogarette 4 weeks ago...I have a tender spot for tabacco and this has caused the landslide...

Im very upset with myself...

Pea's...its gr8 to hear those kind of communities still exist is SA...you must feed and feed from...you are luckier than you realise ;o)

Peas on Toast said...

fly - well its you and me both dear. I guess we're only human afterall. ;)

And I agree with you saying I'm lucky about my community. It's very rare, especially in Joburg. I'm lucky to live where I do.

GoDsGiMp said...

The guy at my corner shop keeps me updated about everything from why he no longer sells singles, damn,why he doesn't stock yeast (interesting story that) and how the other place further down the road are definite crooks, why he heard they charge R6 for the four rand can coke! I in turn spend a few minutes each day trying to get him to stock butternut samoosa's, which are just the best!

It's good to hear you have the support of half the south african internet community, a bunch of crazy friends and even the local community. Goddamit when I last broke up all i got for two weeks was the occasional call from my mother, bless her, and the twice daily jiont slipped under the door by my then digsmate..

As for what cleche'd saying I can bring to the table..
How about; "It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.."

or; "You just have to grab the bull by the balls.."
which is of course the bastardised version, but I feel its much more meaningful and appropraite.

fly said...

Man ive been living where I live for 4 years now and I only know 2 people in my complex.... :oP

JHB is a funny place....

At least the cashier at the BP recognizes me from my drucken mumbling on a sunday morning :oD

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - Oh my God, that's another one I've heard all too much over the last week. "It's better to have [fucking] loved and lost..." ha ha.

Why is it better? Do I look better? I like the bull by the balls. It's more sadomasochist, fitting in perfectly with me neo-angry mood. :)

Hey and your corner shop guy sounds like a card. Butternut samoosas?? Yummy. Perhaps I should inform my guy to stock them as well.

Fly - Well as you say that, I don't know many people in my building at all. I know the caretaker (so help me God), and I know Mrs Goldberg, who has lived in the building for 30 years. That's it really. JHB is a funny place, isn't it.

GoDsGiMp said...

Sometimes 2 ppl might be enough!

Im trying to write a short story due tommorow, based in my block of flats. and its going nowhere..

Pea's and fly you gotta help me fix this sentence:

Their shared love for gardening, brought them together thereafter for many a discussion. Hyacinths, hydrangeas and hibiscus, carnation and chrysanthemum..........(and thats where im stuck)

Jam said...

I love the fact that you have such a warm, caring community around you...especially in JHB which can be so hostile at times. I think we forget that our neighbours are people, not criminals and that they are worth engaging with!
Pleased to hear that you're laughing, and that you're getting angry. Just expect all the usual ups and downs though - rapid cycling through anger, elation, denial and sadness, and don't be too hard on yourself.

Syllable said...

Peas - your blog is addictive - better than Days, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I can recommend a little book containing wonderful tips and remedies for women's revenge.

Chin up, stay strong. You're better than that and it's his total loss :D

fly said...

no ferns... ??? I do like ferns... ;o)

Jam said...

Godsgimp - you're from Cape Town? Why not more about fynbos, proteas...

GoDsGiMp said...

Lol you guys.

Its not really the flowers that count, its how to end that sentence. Sorry when you have writers block and a deadline...

and yes ferns are very nice!!

Peas on Toast said...

Hmm, ok let's see:

Their shared love for gardening, brought them together thereafter for many a discussion. Hyacinths, hydrangeas and hibiscus, carnation and chrysanthemum..........
What I'd do is say something like "carnation, chrysanthemum... and secateurs. They'd compare their gardening tools on an almost daily basis, even offering to lend each other their gloves and flower insecticide once in a while. Of course, she did have Wellingtons sent to her from Harrods by her daughter."

But that's just me. Use it, don't use it. :) (It's crap, I know.)

Jam - It's funny - last night I thought I'd turned a corner. I even managed t listen to music and enjoy it. This morning, I'm feeling less than wonderful, but as you say, ups and downs.
Bring on the anger. It's still a little premature, but at least it's liberating. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Syllable - thanks doll face. I've been called Brooke Logan Forrester before, which was great during my man eating days. :)

So tell me...which book is this?

GoDsGiMp said...

Pea's I know you hear this all the time.. But damn you rock

Really you got what I was looking for almost to a tee. It's almost as if you have read the story. ill try link to it when its finished.. by tommorow so you can read it and see how close you were!!

Once again you rock.

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - seriously? Yay! *blush of praise.*
Please send the link to me, would love to see the finished product.

fly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GoDsGiMp said...

Will do as soon as it is finished.. And when I figure out where I can host my documents to link to them.

Ah! your blush brings out your eyes.

When I sign those plagiarism declarations Ill have to include a reference to 'peas on toast.'

Also you have no idea how funny "compare each others tools" sounded to me at this point in the morning! If perhaps you find the mind you lost, could you look around for mine too, I seem to have misplaced it.

Syllable said...

Heehee. It's pretty much called "The Little Book of Women's Revenge" or something like that, and makes for some wonderful light reading ;)

fly said...

This time we will try the tagging...

ducks


Enjoy... :oP

Jam said...

There's another great book I loved when my relationship ended - it's written by the same people who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" and is called "It's Called a Breakup because it's Broken". Nice tips in there, and some great humour!

GoDsGiMp said...

'Your think their cuddly but i think their sinister!'

Ducks hey, who would have thought

Rays said...

Peas - I know the exact people you're talking about - the world is a place full of people willing to give even strangers love and support!

You should get out now and distract yourself meeting new people, taking up crazy weird hobbies, etc. etc.

Holding thumbs for you!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks chaps. :)

Jam, I saw that book at Exclusive the other day. Before my break up. I even picked it up, flipped through it and thought "nah, I won't be needing this."

Fuck. What an idiot. I do need it!
In fact I think I may buy it this week. It looks great.

fly said...

@godsgimp...sorry :o)I could'nt resist

"they smirk at your hairstyle and sleep with your wives", "web footed facist"...lol :oP ....this is what happens when you spend too much time on the net...

Peas on Toast said...

Rays - thanks dear.

What worries me, and what frightens me the most is beocming a cut-off recluse. Too scared to venture out. I'm hoping this latent and formidbale fear (for it is that), will get me out there as soon as possible. Where I can once again shake my ass on bar counters across this crazy town.

GoDsGiMp said...

FLY:

Sneering and whispering and stealing your cars,
Reading pornography, smoking cigars!

I tell you, it doesn't get much better than this. Unfortuantely i snorted coffee through my nose onto my keyboard. man its a funny morning!!

Jam said...

It's really funny, but I also walked past this book pre my breakup and thought the same thing...We should warn people - don't notice this book or.........

fly said...

I hardly think you'll become a recluse Pea's....I dont think that would be possible... :o)

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - it's my ultimate fear, I tell you. Bring on Friday. I'm going large, just to prove to myself I can. And this time I won't swear at anyone who squeezes my ass.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - Shit, it's a bad omen. That fucking book! (Oh well, I guess now I get to read it. I hope it has some answers for me :)

GoDsGiMp said...

For those people like Jam and me who spend to much time on the internet. Heres my tag,

Cool tool

You will be amazed at the stuff you find on the net.

fly said...

sigh....theres just no getting around them is there....

Syllable said...

*sighs* Being a recluse isn't all bad if you've got a good supply of books. My state of reclusiveness was fortunately not brought on by a guy, although I sometimes think I'd get over that a bit more easily.

However, you hardly sound like a candidate for the reclusive quilting club - you have great friends who won't allow you to slip away.

You're being to hard on yourself :P

Peas on Toast said...

Syallable - God I hope you're right. ;)

zuzula said...

i think that's so nice. I don't have a community. I've never even met the people who live in the other flats in my block!

Peas on Toast said...

Z - look they don't know my name or anything. But I'm around, and they're around. It is rather great. :)

Although the cafe guy won't sell me bloody cigarettes. And I know, I know, I'll thank him next week for refusing.

GoDsGiMp said...

Pucker up Pea's!

smile, laugh.. the ducks take you when your weak, so don't show any signs

Daedalus said...

I need a smoke.

Suavé said...

Indian Family that runs a bottle store, Kung Fu Kitchen, and 7Eleven? Hmmm, is there a recent Woolworths there too? Sounds familiar.

Mmmmmmh...Chicken Chow Mein. My favourite!

Anyway good on ya. This is what I...I mean WE have been waiting for. Things is on the up 'n up innit mate? Whoo-Hoo! I'm glad.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - you and me both.

Suave - There's a new Woolies store close by yes. ;)

Suavé said...

I thought so. Those Indian guys are great. They're open until crazy late on Saturday's. Always come thru when most needed!
Ah well...

Hey I'm glad to hear you're getting a bit angry. When can we hear the dirt on SB? That should be interesting.

Peas on Toast said...

It's coming Suave. Like a giant tsunami, it's coming.

But in all fairness, he was never nasty to me. Ever. So I have to choose my [angry] words carefully.

duke said...

nooooo! not the smoking again.....don't let him do it to you hun.

Album for drinking G and T and getting over breakups to: Death Cab For Cutie, Plans.

Peas on Toast said...

duke - I know. I was bad girl. But never fear, it was a misguided and temporary wagon fall off.

I won't let him affect me to the point where I'm puffing again.
I wouldn't want him to see me weak, if God forbid, I bump into him anywhere.

Suavé said...

Ah well...too bad.

Rays said...

Peas, duke is absolutely correct on that. Go get some Death Cab for Cutie - an absolute godsend for when you're feeling down!

"the glove compartment isn't accurately named
and everybody knows it.
so i'm proposing a swift orderly change"

Peas on Toast said...

Rays - sounds good. I'll definitely look into it. I need to go and get that book Jam recommended and now some new therapeutical music.
Perhaps during lunch tomorrow...

fly said...

ooooooooooh new music... :o) what you going to buy ???

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - On Ray's and Duke's recommendation, Death Cab for Cutie.

Revolving Credit said...

G'day Peas, Bloggers & all other Net.izens

2 Things:
a) Smoking - I know it felt good, but it's like drinking a bottle of tequila - even though you think you really need it, you know you're going to regret it later..so buy them, smoke one and give the rest of the packet to the nearest beggar, take a R20 note and just burn it, else if you're staring @ a pack and feeling guilty send them to me cause I've runout and just bummed one from a colleague.

b) Today's post makes me think you should write a book/novel/short story. We've already had some literary mentorship for the day. Look @ the cast of characters:
- The neighbourhood community somehow conjures up visions of some of the Simpsons characters.
- The inner circle comes cross as Sex in the City meets Dawson's Creek
- Then the blogsphere made up of everything from the mundate to the insane with a sprinkling of Star Wars geeks intermingled with the regular dose of stalkers, pediophiles and government employees.

There has got to be a book in there somewhere.

How about a series:
- Peas on Life
- Peas on Relationships...blah,blah
or

- Peas on Tequila
- Peas on Fire
- Peas on Empire Street

And if you need to vent the soon be expressed anger.

- Peas on Ripping the Shit out of Ex's and other DIY tips.

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Revolving, you're such a card - you've got it so right. The inner freindship circle, my neighbourhood community. It's brilliant.

Just wait until I start on the EX bashing. I fear it won't be pretty. But I swear not a word of it will be untrue.

Non fiction section? ;)

fly said...

@Peas...oooooooooh that was going to be mine as well...its very good..actually all their albums are... :o)


grrrrrrrrrrr...and im now craving for a cigarette...dammit...

Anonymous said...

In the words of Death Cab for Cutie:

you may feel alone when you're falling asleep
and everytime tears roll down your cheeks
but i know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
someday you will be loved

Revolving Credit said...

The Non-Friction Section.

Now that has potential!! Seeing as the Title & Author's name both begin with a 'P', where would we find this book....self K-Y...ha,ha,ha

I'm sure it's a role you would SLIP into quite easily.

Revolving Credit said...

PS. Anyone know if its illegal to blog in traffic or not? Not like I was actually talking into the phone you understand.

GoDsGiMp said...

Brighten ones day

Small animals can only make you feel better..