Saturday, May 20, 2006


I got tagged by the lovely Zuzula.

I AM: Not coping.

I WANT: Him to run back to me and admit he's made the biggest mistake of his life.

I WISH: I'd never told him how I feel.

I HATE: myself right now, and him to a lesser degree.

I FEEL: overwhelmingly depressed.

I MISS: His jokes. And him calling me Popsicle.

I FEAR: I will feel sad forever.

I HEAR: My colleague coughing her lungs out, my boss murmuring to himself.

I WONDER: whether He thinks of me.

I REGRET: ever meeting Him.

I AM NOT: the best company right now.

I DANCE: usually on bar counters or at karaoke bars.

I CRY: lately, all the fucking time.

I'M NOT ALWAYS: this miserable or pathetic.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: clenched fists holding wads of tear-stained tissue.

I WRITE: about heartache and pain.

I CONFUSE: myself by assuming that feelings should be reciprocated.

I NEED: A double gin and tonic.

I SHOULD: just get over myself.

I TAG: Godsgimp, Jam, Suavebona. (And anyone else who feels the need.)


Revolving Credit said...

Hey hon, you don't hate yourself, you probably just hate the fact that you have been hurt. Angry maybe, but not hate.

Try loving yourself! It's not about SB anymore, it's about you.
Do something for youself - go buy some pumps (retail therapy), have a drink at some dingy spot and meet new people (chances are you meet someone who's life is really kak), let your friends lavish their attention and caring on you.

Even though you may be feel unloved and rejected - look around you - all the peeps in your office helping you cope, ANT and friends probably trying their utmost to help cheer you up. Even ex-s has been in on it. Look at the previous 50 blog comments.

You may think you're not loved while there is a huge outpouring of love all around you.

There a whole blanket of love trying to cushion your fall.

Remember, you're not alone.


Peas on Toast said...

Thanks revolving credit. For reminding me of all that. The support I have here has been overwhelmingly phenomenal. And I'm so lucky to have such an incredible support system.

I'm just spiralling into a complete depression right now and am finding it difficult to see through the haze. Or be objective.

But I do relaise that I have a lot of fnatatsic people out there to help me through this. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Quick, phone a friend, get some warm bodies round you.

Get someone physically there who's shoulder you can cry on, will hold your hand and just listen.

Touch is great theraphy - reach out and touch someone, now!! - literally.

PS. make them drive you around as well since it appears youre going to be doing a lot of drinking.


Suavé said...

Peas my sweet, its not as bad as it seems. Well I know it took me a long time to get over it myself but you must realise that being in a shitty state could be good for ya too. Beleive me the feeling you have when you come out of the tunnel and see that blinding light on the other side is unbelievable. Feel this way for now but I want you back as normal as soon as next week...sometime. But no pressure 'kay? And Revolving Credit is right, we're all here for you. With that said:

I AM: Fucken irritated by the stupidity and immaturity of my colleagues.

I WANT: To be cuddled in a warm blanket with a beer in my left hand and a blunt in my right and Mis G in my lap.

I WISH: My friend Peas was feeling better! My heart goes out to ya babe. Seriously.

I HATE: Not being laid in (blank). Blue balls are depressing. Oh and money hungry biatches! Gawd they grind my nuts!

I FEEL: Content. But anyone who knows me knows that this is usually short-lived as I change like *snap*

I MISS: Her smile and the way she would sleep on top of me like a baby. So cute

I FEAR: Being alone. Not manly I know but hey, I gotsa be honest

I HEAR: Sir Mixalot's "I Like Big Butts"...Seriously!

I WONDER: Whether she thinks of me.

I REGRET: Still not having bought gloves. Phuck!

I AM NOT: As hung as people think. Hahaha! More like a horse baby! LOL

I DANCE: Never. Being tall doesnt help at all.

I CRY: Strangely last week watching 'Diary Of A Mad Black Woman'. Man that church scene just took me back. I miss my Grammy.

I'M NOT ALWAYS: As strong as everyone thinks. I might be tuff on the outside but I got a soft choclatey centre of soul on the inside. Awww...

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: A good ol' fashioned Philly.

I WRITE: As little as possible. Never been a word man, I let the pics speak for 'emselves.

I CONFUSE: myself by not knowing wether to wait for a gf or go around creepin on the streets. Easy choice? I dont think so. The balls, they think for themselves.

I NEED: A stiff shot. And some nooky wouldnt hurt too. Gawd damn, I'm horny.

Fuck this shit.

I SHOULD: be more proactive about getting what I want.

I TAG: Daeldus(I think thats how you spell it)

Peas on Toast said...

revolving - I'm on my way out the door, and my next move will be heading for a giant hug from everyone of my mates I see tonight. :)

Suavebona - thanks guys - you've put a msile on ym face already.
Don't worry, by the way, you're not the only one here that's not getting laid.;)
Blue ovaries?

GoDsGiMp said...

Ta Peas.. Cheer up, laugh

redsaid said...

From one recently dumped to another... I feel for you and with you! Trust me, having been through this ache last year (which led me to move back here to SA from halfway across the world): this unbearable sadness does eventually turn into all-out, ever-lasting, pure RAGE.

Inyoka said...

Peas -

I know it is hard and I really feel for you.

Hang in there.

I know it sounds trite, but time is a great healer.

Glad you got your brakes fixed.


A Fork said...

Sorry to read your latest news LC. Probably not what you want to hear right now, but it may be for the best. Chin up chicken :)

MrsChuckBrown said...

Hey Peas, sorry to hear what happened...

Maybe Small Bum wasn't Mr Right-For-Peas but rather a (very delicious, highly shaggable) starter in the shape of Mr Right-Now? We all come across Mr Right-Nows - they are appetisers in life to help us prepare for our Mr Right-For-Mes...

And hey who knows, maybe one night you go out to drown SB sorrows and get saved by a hunky lifeguard in a Ferarri...?