Monday, May 15, 2006

tastes like chicken


toona
Originally uploaded by peas on toast.
Well Friday was a riot. In a fishy sort of way. Third Roommate came round, as he does, to smoke pot and watch the religion channel on DStv. He insists that it’s just because he finds evangelical southern Americans screaming the praises of God hilarious, but I’m not so sure. I actually think he’s secretly Baptist. I doubt the neighbours find the ‘soothing sounds of God’ endearing.

We got so horrifically goofed, I’m surprised I can actually remember this.

Admittedly, the religion channel is hysterical when you don’t really know what’s, erm, potting. We watched a fascinating excerpt on why the world was going to end in 2019 and if we’re not saved by Jesus Christ by that time, we'll be going straight to the burning fires of hell. Philosophised by a decidedly orange man in a houndstooth suit from what could only be Alabama.

People do the most creative things when they are more stoned than Bob Marley. At varsity, after baking and devouring a dozen of those chocolately muffiny space cake thingies, we wanted to fax a girl’s ass to New Zealand. But creativity comes with stupidity in this case, and we thought that by her just sitting on the fax machine, and us punching in a random international dialing code, her ass would miraculously be transposed onto the fax roll and land up on some person’s desk in downtown Auckland. (It was funny at the time, I swear.)

Usually when one gets the munchies, they snack on biscuits, leftovers in the fridge, chocolate, cheese. Then there’s that small portion of the population that’ll opt for uncooked penne, seeds, Nesquik straight out the tin.

On Friday I was game to consume anything, hell even the rabbit pellets at the back of the cupboard looked appetising. But I craved tuna, like only a tuna craver can crave. So while Third World Ant cooked up a fuck off Thai green curry for dinner, I snacked on tuna out of the can.

Then Third Roommate said something funny, and fresh tuna henceforth sprayed from my pie hole all over the carpet, remote controls, coffee table, and a disgusted and decidedly green-looking Third Roommate himself.
I digress. I shan’t eat anything fishy from a can when I have no fine motor coordination and jokes are being cracked therein the immediate area.

I found the tin of tuna with a fork on top of it in the fridge this morning. Third World Ant’s gonna kill me.

PS: I had sex once this weekend. Small Bum’s machinery is in fine working order again. But let’s not push it with compulsively frequent banging shall we? I’m still not initiating. I think I’ve finally got this nymphomania thing under control. For now.

17 comments:

Third World Ant said...

Actually, leaving a fork in the fridge might save time, you don't have to lean over to the fork-storing thingy to grab one! But you guessed it, I don't think that's a habit we should entrench :)

Peas on Toast said...

Well I thought it looked pretty.

Niel said...

TBN is damn entertaining!

Crazed faces showing signs of years of plastic surgery and self-applied mindfucking, telling you the end of the world is near, because a news report read: "Iran is rearming"!!!

I love to loathe these guys.

Peas on Toast said...

Niel - I see you have also discovered the amusing merits of plastic, surgery, toupes and years of gospel music that these individuals indoctrinate themselves to.
Fascinating indeed. Can't believe I've only discovered it now.

(What have I been missing?)

capdog said...

Stoned people have the STUPIDEST ideas! You think you're onto something great but it's actually the lamest plot ever devised.

Something in the weed makes you think you're a frikken genius, when actually... ja.

GoDsGiMp said...

We do not have the stupidest idea's..

Only our thoughts are misdirected along the path to the goal and the result is something other than intended..

Aquila said...

hmmmm...munchies..

GoDsGiMp said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GoDsGiMp said...

Try cold pork sausages dipped in strawberry jam.. Now theres munchie food

Peas on Toast said...

capdog - I have to agree with Godsgimp, they're not always stupid. I've had the best ideas when I've been goofed. Pity I can't remember them now.

Aquila - tuna?

Godsgimp - interesting. I'll try that next time. My faltmate won't let me eat tuna again anyhow.

fly said...

---This post has been removed by the author.--- ?!

Im intrigued.... :o)

Peas on Toast said...

Fly I've never quite got that either. Like, suddenly they change their minds about what they say?
Or maybe it's like Taurettes.
"Shit shit fuck fuck" and then they remove it.

GoDsGiMp said...

Well it wasn't like that at all. It was purely a spelling dilemma. Somehow I managed to grossly misspell the words pork, strawberry and food..

GoDsGiMp said...

shit shit fuck fuck goddamn motherfucker

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - :) Don't worry china, I swear like a sailor myself.

Aquila said...

err bully beef (sp?) and condensed milk

Peas on Toast said...

Aquila - woah. Back the train up. :)