Tuesday, May 30, 2006

two days, two experiences

Friday: Leave office early, in a manically good mood. The grandiose, however, is short lived. I started feeling less fabulous about myself during The Dinner. Although I didn’t show it. I backed myself ad infinitum, to the point where somebody, who knows Small Bum well, asked who actually broke up with who. This was the high point of the entire evening. She reckoned I looked so unfazed, so happy - she actually, hactually, fucking wondered who did the breaking up.
“He dumped me, but essentially, he’s done me quite a service really. He cramped my style. God it feels good to be incredible again.”

The blatant arrogance I exuded peaked then fell fast, into the bottom of my multiple Jagerbombs that I oh so extravagantly chugged like a machine at a club in Rivonia that is named after an upmarket New York borough.
In short: Ex S was there, buying us drink after drink, then claiming his undying love for me, when he started pulling some random blonde chick right in front of my face. (Wonder if The Boob knows?) Then, oh sweet Jesus, I kissed a guy who I sort of know, but who is about as attractive to me as a vat of tile grouting, (although not completely hideous-looking, beer goggles aside.) Luckily, Ex S had his tongue too far down this girl’s throat to notice. Thank fuck. Ex S has now joined Small Bum in the 'we can never be friends. Ever' ranks. They just fuck with my incredibleness. And probably frown over my potty mouth.

I completely freaked out at the concept of sucking face, and left the guy during mid-snog, running so fast out of that club, I almost left my face behind. (Along with the remaining threads of my dignity.)
It was 3:00am.

Saturday: Woke up and thought I was dying. When last was I this hungover? Matric?
I spent the day watching reruns of reruns on the facking Series channel. (Why did Seinfeld end? What a fantastic show. That Kramer. What a card.)
Got off my ass and went on a pseudo-double date to a little, but quaint, curry hovel in Melville. (I had a mild chicken masala, FYI. ‘Cept it wasn’t mild. Handstands in the shower.) It was a pseudo-date because I went with a mate, and another mate and his squeeze. Pleasant overall. My Fojo (Fabulous Mojo) was healthily restored, and once again, I am back on form.

I went shopping with Third World Ant yesterday and came back with a jacket so smoking, it makes me want to have sex with myself. Speaking of which, I’ve dusted off the cobwebs on my Bushwhacker 3 000.

44 comments:

Miss Economist said...

Well good on you!

Friday nights in Rivonia with ex-boyfs surrounding you and random lurkers trying to pull anything on two legs with a hint of perfume, coupled with the basic disregard for the incredibleness of oneself... well, that's an atom bomb just about to happen.

However, if the conclusion of the weekend is a good curry and a rejuvenated Mojo.. hey - I think you did a hell of a lot better than any other newly-single girl on her first wild weekend out!

Once again, big up Peas!

(And as for Ex-S.. shame, you appear to be doing far better in the search for sanity than him!)

fly said...

yes...."the self destructive I can take on the world in one go" streak is started to shine thru... ;o)

I love this time of hedonism where you couldnt actually give a flying f$#@ what anybody thinks...I actually wish I was still there but you can only be so bad...

Have fun with it Pea's...its a great time to be alive....

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Rays. Agreed - it could've been a disaster that could've messed up my whole vibe for weeks. But it didn't, thank goodness, and that's all that counts!

Phew. I actually got out of there alive. Scathed, but alive. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - it is indeed. I even bought myself a badge yesterday to go onto my new jacket. It says "I love myself."
Cheeky, but cool. Fits perfectly with my vibe. ;)

Suavé said...

Cosmo Kramer is quite a cracker innit. The ASSMAN. LOL!

Bushwhacker 3000. HAHAH! Man that name still kills me. LOL! Thanks Peas, you've started my day off jus right, with a good ol laugh I tell ya.

Anyway bout the weekend, yup thats kinda how I'd have expected it to go. Obviously you exuded such a high level of self-confidence that people had no idea that you were the dumpee. Good on ya mate. But the beer goggles? You got to show better judgement than that. Those can be very very VERY deceiving. I know I've put my dick on the crap table many-a-night cause of my lack of judgement.

Jagerbombs - Mmmmmmmhhh....

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - LOL. I watched that exact episode. The Assman episode, where the Jerry Fusilli goes up Mr Castanza's ass...
Anyway. :)

As for beer googles judgement, funny enough I knew it was a bad choice. From the moment we started dancing in the same circle as the guy, I knew it was bad. Good grief, I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.
(All I need now is to run into this guy at a random braai. It'll happen. I know it will.)

Jagerbombs are poison. No more. For a very long time.

Anonymous said...

Hey - your blog rocks. I've been lurking in the background here for over a month. I'm a blog addict, consuming about 80 posts a day. You know what? Yours is right up there at the top!!

Keep on keeping on.

Kevin Cadman said...

Hey Miss Peas!

Just remember... that decidedly average looking guy has feelings too ya know?! Haha, he probably reads your blog and now knows exactly what you think of him! Poor fucker. ;)

3 days left of my job and then I'm off to JHB. Eugh.

Hope there are plenty of classy random's (what an oxymoron) at your clubs.

Buuut... I don't have a pair of New Rock's... how the Christ will I hook up? :|

Have a 'kiff' (good ol' Durban colloquialisms) day now ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Anonymous - bless your little cotton socks and thank you. :)

Kevin - I always laugh at kiff. Love it. I grew up in Natal, and I do miss things like 'kiff' and 'fush' instead of fish.

JHB rocks, you'll love it here. Throw yourself in, and by 6 months you'll be calling it home, I swear. ;)

And don't worry - Vaalie women love Durban men. Just don't go out in your slops and you'll be pulling classy randoms all over town.

PS: If the guy I pulled read my blog I'd eat my own foot. He just doesn't seem like the blogworthy type. Somehow.

Jam said...

Only Jagerbombs?

Sounds to me like there may have been some tequila involved!

Kevin Cadman said...

Haha, you NEVER know.

I would offer up a slight chuckle if he happen to stumble upon this here webspace.

I'm only in JHB for like, 3 weeks. Haha. I'm working for Apple and need to meet everyone, do training and all that kinda shit.

Buuut, there will be many drunken evenings. :)

Orraaait baaai!

fly said...

Jagermeister is the devil...probably the most evil shooter concoted, 2nd only to Absynthe and Stroh Rum who are tied equally at the top for sheer evilness in hangovers...

Tequila is the only real way to go and drink it str8...it drives me crazy to see ppl doing the whole lemon and salt thing....if you cant drink it str8 up then you shouldnt be drinking it :o)

Suavé said...

Ag shame poor guy. Man I hope no chick ever speaks of me like that.

"Oh my gawd, can you believe that I kissed him. Yuch! He's so nasty. Where's the Listerine girl? Got heavy-duty work to do"

Ouch!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - nope. Jagerbombs, tequila, vodka, you name it. I want to vomit thinking of it...

Kevin - just bring your winter woolies big guy. It's facking freezing up this end.

Fly - I'm a lemon and salt person my friend. For as fantastic as tequila is, it still tastes nasty at the best of times.

Suave - Shame, he's not a bad guy. But everything made it so wrong. The context, my inability to score anyone I vaguely want, the tequila fumes, everything.
And I'm just not into him. At all.

GoDsGiMp said...

I find Pea's that if the breakfast suits the hang-over, that doubles the pleasure. There is nothing so good as eating through a hang-over. Man o man. Im drooling just thinking about it!

Well glad to hear your back on top.. or on the bottom.. or where ever it is you like to be. And poor neglected weedwacker is back in the prime position, good for him.

GoDsGiMp said...

As for tequila, try it with no salt and a slice of orange instead of lemon

Daytripper said...

Eish! i am glad that i am not a single guy hangin out in Pea's world, thats all I can say! Woah grrrl! The poor boy just LIKED you, becasue you're so fabulous! surely that doesn't warrant such venom? lol!

GoDsGiMp said...

And as for wearing slops.. Goddamit i tried going some fancy smancy place in joburg the other day and got turned away cause I was wearing teckies.. I say to the bouncer, im from Cape Town! Still no joy, I mean it should work. It works everywhere else, they all think we so batty down here in the Kaap anyway.

Billy said...

Glad to hear your back! And im sure the Bushwhacker is too!

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I like the orange idea. Will try it, definitely. But not this week. ;)
As for takkies, I don't mind takkies at all. They are pretty anal about it up here though.

Daptripper - I swear I'm not being venomous about the guy. But if I am being slightly jaded, it's because the whole vibe was wrong. But don't get me wrong: guys who are loving me at the moment are completely appreciated. It's exactly what I need. So please don't back into a corner anyone if you see me out somewhere! I swear I'm almost fabulous. :)

Miss Economist said...

Bought a fantastic jacket myself this weekend while prowling through Rosebank (love that place!) - but worth every penny!

Where did you get yours Peas? And I hope it was VERY expensive so that you oooozzee with incredibleness!

Peas on Toast said...

Rays - also at Rosebank. Big Blue. I love it. And in all fairness, Ant found it and picked it out for me first. But she was right on the button. I feel like a million dollar baby in it. :)

fly said...

@Godsgimp...

I was turned away from 4 pubs in Boksburg for wearing a cap... !? Boksburg of all places....

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - first up choina: what the fack were you doing in Boksburg??
And not one, but four places?

OK listen up my sweet: venture back into the JHB metropole, sort out the takkies later. :)

I mean this in the nicest possible way, I swear.

fly said...

@Peas....Im a Benoni boy, born and bred...left home at around 19 and never looked back...folks still live there tho so I "have" venture back east every once in awhile....

That particular night I was consoling an exgirlfriend because of a recent breakup she'd had....hence the need to find a pub, any pub... :oP

The dros came to our rescue tho mainly because they were having a klippies and cola promotion and everyone was wearing klippies caps...well you got one free after so many...hehehe

We did succed in our mission tho...to get her absolutely pissed (not on klippies I might add even as tempting as the cap was)...

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - fair enough, what a nice ex boyfriend you are. :)

Billy - I forgot to say hey. Hey big guy. :)

fly said...

@Pea's.....yeah its quite sad...im good friends with nearly every one of my exes...even as way back as 19 ;o)

Revolving Credit said...

Who's been a bad girl and deserves to be spanked??

(Stop grinning!!)

Congrats on breaking the ice, getting back in the saddle, raising from the dead that party seeking, tequila slamming, sex loving, shoe sporting, wacker wielding personality that is Peas.

Though the semi drunken snog may not be the expected mind-altering shagfest you were hoping would mark your return to the single party scene....it's a start.

Seems a bit harsh on "Tile Grout" but when you're trying to hit chicks cuz they're pissed.....ya takes ya chances...

Lets see what the next few weeks conjure up..should be interesting!

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving - pick me, pick me! (to be be spanked, that is :)

Hysterical, I had a good gas over your comment. And poor old Tile Grouting. I'm sure someone out there will appreciate him for his lovely self.

However, I'm assuming there is light at the end of my, erm, tunnel.
Me thinks I spot a shagfest on the distant horizon. It may be a good couple of months away, but it's definitely there! :)

Revolving Credit said...

Whhssss....oh..whhsss..Oohhh!

Consider yourself spanked!
You've been a bad girl, go to my room!

Peas on Toast said...

*giggle * :)

Revolving Credit said...

sounds more like nervous laughter...:)

Peas on Toast said...

might be...
It's been a while since a good spanking.

Revolving Credit said...

thats what happens when you become a nice girl...ya miss out on all the good things in life.

Whhsss...oooh...wwwhhsssss...oooh
(repeat reading above line until satisfied!)

Peas on Toast said...

Who said anything about a nice girl? ;)

But point taken, Crazypants! :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, turn off the lights... I think this spanking thing works better in the dark !

Peas on Toast said...

Unfortunately for me, I'm sitting in a flourescently lit office.

Bugger. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Um...blindfold??..getting a bit more interesting, but other peeps in the office may wander why you're sitting there wearing a blindfold making 'whhsss' sounds to yourself and cringing...LOL

Peas on Toast said...

They just might...

They're not the rowdiest, most sexually-fired up buncha people I've ever worked with, I can say that much.
*sigh*.

Jam said...

Revolving Credit & Peas...
Would you like a room?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - *blush*.

(But I'm still giggling like a real girl.)

Jam said...

*big smile*

Anonymous said...

We were also at ::insert club name here:: on Friday, and I, too, felt like dogballs the next day...

Jagerbombs; AWAAAAAAY!!!

Don

Phil said...

Agreed. Jagerbombs = Devil's Juice. My local had a special two fridays back at R10 for one Jagerbomb. Dont remember much of the evening after about nine PM but I am told I was really good fun to watch. Scary sh*t.

Glad you got out alive Peas