Saturday, May 06, 2006

worldy injustice

Ex R bought a new Audi A3 turbo. In gun metal grey.

If there was any injustice done in the world, it is not one, but BOTH my ex’s owning the car I lust after like an undersexed camel lusts after a procreative shag after trawling through the Sahara for five solid weeks, dragging its decidedly blue testicles behind it on a donkey cart.
Or like how the collective Chatsworth lusts after a spicy vindaloo. Or like how a Brakpan housewife lusts after a velour Morkels sofa set. Or like how a gold digger lusts after an Oppenheimer. This, for those that have quantitative retardation, is a lot of lust.

I’m a woman of simple tastes. All I need out of this world, in a material sense, is an Audi A3 Turbo and heels from Socrati. If it meant I had to live in a box on the side of the William Nicol, because I was paying off an A3 Turbo and exquisitely hand-crafted Italian spike heel uppers, I’d be one happy high-maintenance bitch.

“Can I at least drive it round the block? Just once?”
Ex R: I’ll think about it.
(Is he shitting me?)

I’m so jealous I could eat my own kimono.

Bastard.

PS: I received an email this morning from Media24 who kindly informed me that I came second in the Great South African Blog Off competition. I am R2 500 richer!! I can now service my car! Wonderful news! (Thanks Media24).

28 comments:

Antoine said...

HUGE Congrats on the Blog off... fame is a wonderful thing is it not!

As for the car....... I hold council *chuckle*

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Antoine! :)

Daytripper said...

After years of living in denial and driving respectively a Ford Escourt, A Mazda 323 and an Opel Kadett i can only add to your misery by concluding that a good car is indeed a chief pleasure in life! I now drive a riduculously ostentatious limozine like vehicle that I love, and even though it is pricey to keep it on the road, i am in no hurry to downgrade.
Keep dreaming Peas, and then go get the Audi!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Daytripper. I shouldn't complain really, as I love my car. It's the new Beetle. It's got a 2 litre engine, it goes beautifully (once you've put your foot down) and it's a good looking car.

It's the speed of the A3 that gets me all green with envy. ;)

And don't worry my first two cars, an Uno and a Toyota Corolla, weren't anything to write home about. :)

Billy said...

Well done on the Blog Off!

I’m selling my Audi A3 Turbo, im gutted, i love the car so much that im actually depressed at the thought of not having her anymore. Unfortunately 3 doors are not an option with a kid on the way.

I stroke the dash so often my lady gets jealous.

Jam said...

Well done on the Blog off!!! Well earned...

I used to drive a Toyota Corolla. An old 13 year old Toyota Corolla. I felt like I was in heaven when I finally upgraded my car to something that had aircon and real brakes. It was such an improvement, it FELT like it was a BMW or something (not though)

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - you're selling yours? Shit, a depressing day ahead for you indeed. I used drive Ex S's all the time, and didn't want to give it back.
Are you sure you can't put a baby seat in a three door? Your baby will be the collest looking little girl in town...

Jam - aircon and brakes are a luxury. I know. My Uno's brake pads fell out on the M1 South once. Was pretty fucking frightening. Now I have ABS, and I actually feel safe. I won't sublime on impact ;)

Daytripper said...

What one really needs of course is a vibrating seat for those long boring traffic jams....

Peas on Toast said...

Now there's a ravishing idea...:)

Billy said...

Daytripper smashes one over the bowlers head with an incredible shot and wins the idea of the day.

zuzula said...

you're a blog queen! congrats. as for the audi..... drool......

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks chiquita :)

Templar said...

Have you considered that both your ex's bought that specific vehicle BECAUSE they know you lust after it?

I'm sure it was a factor in their decision...

Peas on Toast said...

Do people really give enough of a right royal fuck to state revenge in the medium of an expensive luxuty car? I don't think so.

For one, Ex S had his car before it became a lustful item to me.
EX R bought one because he can.

Third World Ant said...

Congrats Peas! You know you could make a career of this blog...

and, the only way to up the appeal of an A3 T is to have peas sitting in the driver seat, jiggling about with glee at her vibrating seat! (otherwise, it's just a car like any other. promise. except for the Mazda 3. Now there's a car!)

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - thanks my little cupcake. I'm not so sure about that Mazda 3 though. 1-100 in 7 seconds? :)

Daytripper said...

Actually, can't imagine why I didn't think of this before, but surely the gear lever woudl be the place to sit.. especially when the Revvs are high if you get my drfit....

Peas on Toast said...

I don't know about that...I'm steering far away from potential injuries at the moment. It's bad enough my boyfriend has one. :(

sheldon said...

Ah big congrats on the Blog Off Win. Well Played!

China!... I saw a black A3 2.0T with the S-line kit on... I almost had an aortic aneurysm! Honestly! That was it! Been perving over them A3Ts for a while now and they are just totally off the chains!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Sheldon...and there's one thing better than an A3 turbo. A black A3 turbo.

And there's one thing better than a black A3 Turbo. A red A3 turbo.

And there's only one thing better than a red A3 turbo.

God/Chuck Norris. Whichever you prefer.

Billy said...

I've been waiting for the ads to appear......

Aquila said...

congrats on the blog-off, well deserved.

Funny - they were supposted to let everyone know re the outcome of the competition - maybe even post it on the site. they're only 3 weeks late I guess.

GoDsGiMp said...

Aha the bastards that are Telkom have earned my forgiveness by reconnecting me, in time to read this entry and in time to give you the big warm congratulations you deserve. Of course they got the decision wrong.. I mean how could they place you second. Got to be a technical error. Like someone accidently spilled coffee on the '1' key, putting it out of use and no spare keyboard could be found so they could only rank from 2 onwards.. poor sods who came 10/11/12 etc didn't even get an email.

Ps- there is one thing better than a red A3.. a red A3 with a vibrating seat.

GoDsGiMp said...

Of course as a guy such talk as that is forbidden since anything that could one day prove more useful and endearing to woman than ourselves, such as a red A3 with... you know "the thing that must not be named." Luckily it will never get built, since the chief buyers of red A3's are men, who thus automatically attain the status of vibrator for woman... and(please note) they never need batteries. Now of to buy lottery ticket, only way im going to afford one. Am considering betraying male race by building vibrating seat.. in order to make enough money to afford A3, which is probably defeating its own purpose. (I confuse)

Tammy said...

Funny how that works. A friend of mine separated from her ex- who ended up buying a new car, my friends dream vehicle. I guess its revenge ...... to hell with them, you'll get your own one. One day.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - Funny enough, was fiddling around and added the google ad by accident. And I hate it. Can't take it off. But am working on it. :)

Aquila - thanks guy. It was rather arbitrary and badly organised wasn't it? Three weeks later and not notifying anyone else is a little ridiculous.

Godsgimp - thanks my dear! The blogger in first place must've duly deserved it I'm sure. Who is it though? There've been no formal announcements as yet.
And when you get your vibrating red A3, I want to be the first guest to ride it ok. :)

Tammy - I saw his car for the first time on FRiday evening. It has to be revenge. It's the perfect vehicle. In every possible way. And he was loving every second of showing me it...

eKapa said...

don't you just hate it when the ex acquires something like that. we should be able to testify that revenge is sweet. like, buying an a3 s line. and filling up on shell super plus. yes, now we're talking.

well done on the news24 comp.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks eKapa.

I'm saving for the next A3 model as we speak. ;)