Wednesday, June 28, 2006

5 is a good number


sirrichard
Originally uploaded by peas on toast.
Before I go into why, here is a pic of the charismatic Sir Richard Branson, who foofie slided off the Sandton Towers, with orange smoke coming from his bottom. I got to meet him - bless.

But that's not the immediate focus of today.

I wish I could be 5 again. If I can revert back to a time in my life where I was so wonderfully ignorant, so wonderfully uncomplicated, so happy, that would be it. Being 5 means you know enough about the world in order to survive in the truest of all senses. I was a very content 5-year old.

It was a stage where I kept well away from boys because they were gross, I didn’t go to a club or pub to get hammered in my spare time. I climbed trees, played with My Little Pony and drew pretty pictures instead. I wore clothing made for me by mum: red overalls and red Wellingtons. I cried about things like not wanting to eat my spinach or if I fell off a swing. Not boys, friends, work or my parents. My disposable income went towards Chappies and stickers. Now it goes towards bills, rent, petrol, car insurance, car accidents, medical aid, a pension fund, cellphone fines, club entrance, vodka limes, sauvignon blanc, cigarettes, the dentist, groceries, a workable wardrobe, a playtime wardrobe and playtime itself.

Life at 5 was good.

I was lucky. We may not have had a television in our house until I was 12 (my dad decided it best I read lots of books and play outside as my leisure time), but my parents took me travelling on a regular basis. When I was 5, they took me to France and the UK for three months. I spent hours with them on the back of my dad’s bicycle exploring northern Brittany, Normandy, Dorset, London and environs. I was never bored – I drew a diary of the whole experience and I dictated the words that my mother wrote down. (I couldn’t write just yet.) I played on my own for hours on D-Day beach, picking up crabs and building sandcastles. I ate crepes, made friends on train journeys and played in my London aunt’s red stilettos and earrings for hours. I was completely happy to hit the sack at 7:00pm.

When I was ten, the folks whisked me out of school for half the year and took me again to the UK, Canada and the US. I even went to school with my cousins in Quebec, a convent called, hilariously, Immaculate Conception. (Shoulda stayed there in retrospect.) At ten, I started liking boys immensely, meaning at 5, I was actually a helluva wiser then than I was even at ten.

At 5, the days where the world was good, no one could hurt me; I was blissfully unaware of how imperatively fucking awesome that part of my life was. How thankful I am for it today.

At 25, twenty years later, I wonder whether I will reach 80 (not looking likely with the current lifestyle), and if I do, whether I can revert back to that time when I was a happy-go-lucky flipping 5-year old.

PS: Flynn [uber main character] died of cancer yesterday in Home & Away. I sobbed like a baby.

-

32 comments:

Daytripper said...

wow! Now that sounds like a cool way to bring up a child! Maybe one day when I am grown up enough to have kids of my own, I will emulate your parents!

Peas on Toast said...

Bless Daytripper, they'll be delighted to hear that! Dad's a bit nuts, but hey, never a dull moment at family reunions...;)

Yep, I was a lucky little shit.

other-duke said...

excellently put. that is so very very true

Peas on Toast said...

Other-duke - that my pops is crackers, or that being 5 was fantastic??

Either way, tis true. Wish I could be 5 again, like at the minute. ;)

Billy said...

If my daughter (due in 7 weeks and 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) writes so affectionately about her childhood in 25 years, 7 weeks and 5 days time i will be very, very proud.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Billy, bless your little cotton undergarments!

By the sounds of things, your little one is going to have a fantastic life: two parents that love each other, a dad who enjoys and works in travel, educated parents - what more could a kid want? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

....but did you appreciate your punani @ 5 years old

Peas on Toast said...

Actually I did. :)

Jam said...

What happened to the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" stuff when you were a kid?

Peas on Toast said...

Oh you mean when Shane showed me his treehouse and I showed him my cookie?
I was 8. :)

sheldon said...

*sigh*

...yet another thing you can't just casually do when you're in your twenties...

*sigh*

Daedalus said...

"At 25, twenty years later, I wonder whether I will reach 80"

Peas-Hun ... things will subside at age 30 – BUT – women have a strange tendency to enter their sexual prime at 30.

Following your blog … I am rather curious as to what Peas would be like at that intersection.

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - I know. And to think it was a completely innocent gesture, kind of showing him what he doesn't have. Now, if I did that, I'd be called Mrs Cartman.

Daedalus - do you promise? I'm running out of steam at the minute, so perhaps by 30, I'll be like an 80-year old? Or hornier than I am now. Is that even possible??

Daedalus said...

yeah.. ;)

muddlepuddle said...

Shit Peas babe - Cheers to that! *muddle raises beer glass*

My 14 year old cousin calls me the other night in a panic "I've done something really bad". I'm like freaking out and she goes "I got a hicky".

Fuck.
The uncomplicated essence of youth.
At 14, bad = hicky
At 25+,bad = pregnant with twins, two different fathers, out of a possible 6 men you're sleeping with.

Oy.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Muddle for putting that in perspective for me! No sex, no kids, no partner, no potential partners.

That's made me feel happier. In a strange way.

Cookie Monster said...

It is a good number..... we get into all sorts of nonsense when over 20... at five you get is a back hand and hug afterwards, how cool... at 25 and over you are sodomised daily by the the cruel world!

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - I almost forgot about those hidings! My dad and the wooden spoon. Yeeouch.

But rather that than getting dumped, getting hammered, hating work, crashing your car....the list goes on.

GoDsGiMp said...

Ah Pea's I'm sure your still five at heart! Any good tree's in the neighbourhood, I have had my eye on an impressive oak just over the road for some time now.

Well I gotta say I apologize for lack of posts etc, but Im sure you assumed I was lazying around, and you would be right. Tommorow Im off to Nelspruit and by thursday I will be on a secluded beach in Mozambique. And I won't be returning from that beach for two weeks basicly. Not to make you jealous or anything. If there was cellphone reception or electricity i would post from there.. but Im going because there are neither of those things. Promise I will bring lotsa photo's to post etc.

Keep it real Pea's.. and Co. Look forward to catching up when I return, brown like teak and looking super hot :)

Take care and don't do anything without a smile.

Cookie Monster said...

No, No, No.... crashing your car is noit so bad especially into a swimming pool.... that was the day, 24 and thought it so cool!! Still do..... 30s get better, trust me a lot better..

Peas on Toast said...

Howdy Godsgimp, no need to apologise sweetpea, I'm stinking jealous you're off to Mozam though- have an amazing time, and yes, post lots of pics! Keep it sleazy ;)

Cookie - you crashed your car into a swimming pool? You've made my week. That's fucking hysterical! :)

Cookie Monster said...

I did and was so trashed that I walked home drenched with no car... mother laughed for weeks and father said I had embarressed the good family name (what name) Done worse.... nearly got arressted on a flight, check out todays post!

muddlepuddle said...

Cookie - I watch you getting "sodomised" by the cruel world daily and let's be honest here the sodomisee is actually the sodomiser!!

At least it is not "the chip lady" raping you on a daily basis!

Peas I also used to get the wooden spoon....well actually my ma used to chuck whatever was nearest to her - spoon,breadknife,waterbottle whatever!

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - I did take a read - you sound like quite the little character! ;) Don't you want to post a pic of your car swimming in the pool?? Oh please, pretty please? :)

Muddle - yowza! Duck and run! :)

Cookie Monster said...

I know Muddle the chip lady is driving me beserk, has she no common sense, the woman in this place seem to have boots that grow daily! Peas I dont have a pic but I will post tomorrow, pending on the mood and give you the full run down! I have had car smashes and been close to being arressted by a pilot who spoke sheep, thats not where it ends. By the by did you watch the porras in action at the world cup? They behaved like they were at a shebeen!

Jam said...

Daedalus has a good point Peas. Things certainly get better after 30, in ALL ways. ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - I did indeed! And how about the Frenchies fucking up the Springboks on Saturday! (*duck and run for cover as people throw tomatoes and boerewors at me*)

Jam - 4 years to go. ;) When I turn 26 in September, I'm officially in my 'late-twenties.' This scares the hell out of me.

muddlepuddle said...

Cookie and Peas - I got french fucked by a portuguese giraffe at netball last night (todays blog). Doesn't get worse than that?

Peas when can we expect you on court? It's rough out there alone

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - you poor thing!
Well I haven't heard back from her and she promised to send me all the details. I'm going to get on it - my mates are also enquiring, as I've managed to get them quite excited about it all.

Cookie Monster said...

Guys you have gotta read muddles post today, oh fuck that is the funniest!!!!

Pea thats true the French gave em horns... love it.

Did you see how sweaty the Porras were in that game, holy fuck, is that possible? Can any human being dispose of so much sweat? My theory is as follows: The Porras are really hairy, innit?They are born like that, hair all over. That means those poor sods played with jerseys (natural of course) under there togs, answer is alot of sweat! I think the organisers are still busy repairing the yellow spots on the pitch!

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

the purpose of kids is to have someone watch you grow old!

fida....

muddlepuddle said...

Thanks for the free punt cookie!

Peas tell her to get her ass into gear. Trust me it's getting better and better each time I play.
Hopefully next week I can be devirginised by a long tailed carniverous mutant dragon.

Here's me holding thumbs