Thursday, June 29, 2006

the boogie that be

I’ve been told over and over again that I need to reassess my music collection. And until last night, I took offence to this. It’s not my fault no-one else listens to Dionne Warwick’s Greatest Hits, or Burt Bacharach, or Lionel Richie. And it’s not my fault nobody appreciates the rhythmatic vibrato of Petula Clarke, or Take That. I own the entire Monster Hits collection dating back to 1991, and I bloody well like it. Especially when it’s karaoke hour in Illovo.

Sure, it’s a little off.

I adhere to a fundamentally wide spectrum of musical taste.
If I idle through my CD cupboard, the Bee Gees sits next to Limp Bizkit, and Metallica sits next to Mike & the Mechanics. Dr Dre sits mext to Bump 2. You get the picture.

However, last night, I sat down to my boys of the Stone Age. Verdi’s La Traviata, Bach’s Bradenburg Concerto, and Andrea Bocelli’s Liberta, and wondered, how on Earth can somebody not appreciate the allegro and staccato of classical music? I mean, fuck, it’s incredible.

All my other music is toaster-in-the-bath kind of stuff that leaves one feeling less than exquisite, especially when every bloody Lionel Richie lyric seems to perpetrate my trivial little existence. All my music reminds me of someone or some place, and quite frankly, I’m over it. Even if the memory is good, it’s old. Classical music immediately clears the mind and makes one think of stupid shit like Austrian hilltops, antique harpsichords, ballet dresses and my grandmother’s ratatouille. Stuff that doesn’t make me sob endlessly, but light, fluffy, peripheral stuff that I never capacitate.

And like how Mozart was a tortured prodigy that listened to the same piece over and over again, and threw a billiard ball across a table to bounce back at himself, while he composed movement after movement to objectify his concentration. Not to mention how he drank away his life savings, and partied with harems of women [whom he banged fourgy-style] and danced on piano tops. If I lived in Vienna during the 1800’s (?) I’m certain we would’ve got on like a house on fire. He sounded like a right card. And I enjoy cards.

Beethoven, however, is another story. I played large quantities of his sonatas (I have a Bible-sized book of his music) when I practiced the piano religiously – however, I’m certain a person has to have certain mental apathetic psychosis if his father bashed him around the ears every night in a drunken rage. (Alcohol seems to be a common factor in all these composite success stories).

But, and let’s pretend he wasn’t the gay equivalent of David Furnish for a second, Tchaikovsky is someone I completely would’ve bedded until my body couldn’t take the physical exertion of sexual intercourse any much longer. Even if it meant I had to move to St Petersburg, live in a gulag, and queue for bread. His music is just too fucking exceptional for mere words. I’m pretty certain he had a sense of humour as well, if you consider his Symphony No. 6. It’s fucking pompous, but cheekily so. But the romanticism of The Nutcracker Suite…
There’s a party in my pants Tchaikovsky, and you’re totally invited.

32 comments:

Daytripper said...

hmm, I see you're adding Necrophillia to your list of perversions Peas... Really now grrrl, the Thought Police might come and get you for this one!
HAHAHAHAHA

Peas on Toast said...

Oh God. Get me to the July where I can find me some Durban ass! (That's alive!)

Suavé said...

Yeah Peas, it's weird. Were you talking about music? I read that whole paragraph and all I got was that you really need a good roll in the hay. Even if you need to go back in time. What, Bushwhacker not doing the job? HAHAHA ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Suaviepoo - I swear I was talking about music! (Regardless of the fact I could do with a bump and grind), I really really was trying to appreciate music last night! ;)

And now I just feel...dirty. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

While I appreciate and applaud you classical interlude, please note that one should generally not mention sexual intercourse and Nutcracker Suite in the same statement!

Peas on Toast said...

Sacrilege!
And to think I wrote this post with the most innocent of intentions.

Tchaik must be rolling in his grave. (Sorry guy.)

kyknoord said...

I know what you mean. I feel the same way about Domenico Scarlatti and Franz Schubert.

Peas on Toast said...

Excellent kyknoord! A dude that knows what I'm talking about - and no mention of dirty necrophilia sex!
Wonderful! :)

Suavé said...

Mmm hmmm...whatever you say P.

Tsk tsk *shakes head*

;)

sheldon said...

...AND you listen to Dionne Warwick and Lionel Richie!?! Errrm did you maybe say you where taking marriage proposals?!

Peas on Toast said...

Oy! I don't like your tone Sheldon!

:)

PS: I get this, like, everyday of my life. New jokes please!

Revolving Credit said...

Personally use Pachelbel to reset my mind

M said...

Nice entry Peas, do love a the classics, there is always a piece to match any mood. As for when I`m blue nothing resonates like The Smiths & Morrissey!

T-2 Days to the July, bring it on, Friday midday and I Kalula.com myself there!!!

Revolving Credit said...

Personally use Pachelbel to reset my mind

Revolving Credit said...

Personally use Pachelbel to reset my mind

jam said...

I too have a silly diverse taste in music, entirely mood specific. The classics are reserved for days when I am feeling light and introverted. I have a soft spot for Mozart, personally...

Peas on Toast said...

M - sounds like you're on our flight mate. We're also Kulula.comming it down on the 1:45pm Friday flight. Bring it on!

Revolving - ha ha ha! Resetting at least three times I see. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - Mozart is a scream. And Goldfish ;) is my latest. Makes me all happy-like.

Jam said...

Someone actually looked at me with utter horror the other day when I explained what my diverse musical taste consisted of. They said: "That's so weird, most people only listen to one genre." Bottom line - I love music, good music and I think you rob yourself by listening to one style or genre.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam, I completely agree. I listen to everything that I feel deserves attention. I have my favourites, but I am open to anything that evokes something in me: sad or happy.

At the moment, I'm listening to a helluva lot of Athlete in my car (cool, feel-good Brit band).

Marika said...

I'm all for having diverse tastes in music! I for one am a bit of a "wigga" but at the same time still listen to my mom's collection of lionel, tina turner etc. My varsity days were full of 80's music and that was only last year so i say yay to diversity in music - they do say variety is the spice of life so what the hell, if the mood dictates it then any music goes...

Anonymous said...

Impeccable taste in music. Do you like Tjaichovsky's Romeo & Juliet? Dvorak?

As always yr blog is a highlight of my day.

Peas on Toast said...

Marika - yay! a Tina and a Lionel fan! Never be afraid to shout it from the rooftops doll face! :)

Anon - thanks a bundle! I love Romeo and Juliet, but am not so familiar with Dvorak - at least not that I know of. Willing to give it a fair shot shot though. x

M said...

I`m 12h45 Peas, but know at least 10 people on your flight, seems the whole of JHB is heading down to Durban! See you there....

Peas on Toast said...

Along with the rest of Jozi, see you there M! :)

Suavé said...

Boo! I'm gona be here in the cold. Me so jealous :(

It's all good though. My girl Peas looks like she need herself a good ol' break from JHB. I'll dedicate a round of boot-knocking to you if you do the same for me eh? ;)
Hope you find what yo looking for. Besides it's warm down there. The ass just seems to come out the woodworks when the weather is kinder.

*crosses fingers*

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Suavo - you're absolutely right. I do need a JHB break - although not helping is that all my troubles seem to be following me down to Durban! (Small Bum, Eye on Guy, Pyscho Lady.) But who cares?

I'll definitely have some cheeky bevvies in your honour Suave. ;)

Suavé said...

Like you said, you cause your own chaos. But it just makes it all that much better innit?

Go and enjoy yourself! Here's toasting to you

*CHEERS*

ATW said...

Damn, I see you may be becoming a music snob. Low-brow music is great , has its place alongside the high-brow stuff and is not to be sneezed at. Getting snotty, not that you are doing so, about some music being intrinsically better than other music is like suggesting that some religions or races of people are intrinsically better than others. If you enjoy it, and it interacts somehow with your emotions, makes you happy or sad or feel like heaven then it's good music to you even if it makes me hurl. My view is dissing someone else's music taste is like dissing their taste in women. Not a good idea.

On another note, music related but more in response to yesterday's "wish to be five" post. David Bowie sang this little ditty early on his career in which has the line :
"I saw a photograph of Jesus and I asked him if he'd make me five".

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Suave. :)

ATW - Brilliant - he sings about being five! Love it! Yes, one tends to get all hoity toity about music and levels of acceptance. I get shat on almost everyday by mates and such for listening to Aretha bloody Franklin. Not cool. I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's like not accepting other religions, but it does piss me off somewhat. ;)

Inyoka said...

I don't think I have got out of the seventies music wise.

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - don't fret m'dear: My CD collection is filled with boogie woogie blues and such. The Stylistics, Gloria Gaynor, Jackson 5, you name it. ;)