Tuesday, June 27, 2006

running on turbo

This weekend passed had to be the most manic, turbo-charged, unbelievable, badly-behaved weekend I have had this year to date. Can you say holy crap?

Story of the weekend (it was hard, there are too many):

I invited Guy Have Eye On to my mate N’s braai. Was ecstatic, because he bought me a present: stripy fucking toe socks. Wonderful. I then smsed Ant to tell her, saying “I’m so excited! My boyfriend [He] bought me toe socks! With stripes and everything!”
'Cept, I didn’t send that to Ant. I sent it to him. Fuck. (Do I cause my own chaos? Do I?)

Mild frenzy, pulling out hair, me running out of the house, when the realisation hit me. Friends trying to frantically find his phone before the damage is done – but oh no it’s in his pocket. Naturally.
E ran up to him, swiped his phone out of his hand as he reached for it, and said, "Hi! Wow! What an incredible phone! So I am thinking of getting an upgrade, can you run me through your gadget?" Then the poor girl had to chat to him about phone technology for a full-on 20 minutes, while he’s already seen the disastrous sms anyway. I was, in the meantime, hiding in N’s garage, where the maid found me lurking between the fertiliser and the wood.
Oh dear. He thinks I’m a stalker, I’m convinced of it. And before that we played such a great game of tennis. Sigh. Fuck fuck I always do this! Email or sms the wrong fucking person!

Weekend highlights:

Friday night go out with C, starting off at The Palms, where a ‘Mr Naidoo’ was buying us drinks all night. (“If you gonna buy for me buddy, best you buy for my friends as well.”) Hit Loaded in Newtown for party and get so completely wasted, (when I’m with E and C, this happens. Messy. We usually get other people who were with us to fill in what we did for the night.)

Walk around with my shoes dangling from my ears, sit on E’s lap, and give her a bum lapdance while she’s trying to take a pee in a toilet cubicle with C on top of me, after jumping the queue and telling everyone we’re going in, so fuck off (since when did I become so rude?) Head butt someone by accident. Was so messy. Then get up on the bar, and, and, oh God. Smash Wimpy burgers in our faces at 3:00am on Empire Road. We demanded they open up especially for us.

Next day think I’m going to kick the bucket from the hangover that pursues. Go to N’s braai and start again. (And we all know what happened there.) My best mate Doc is off to India for two years. I'm a little cut up about this. He had a farewell party on Saturday, where he got naked and danced round the house willy a-swinging as a farewell goodbye. A kissed a good mate of mine. This is both appalling and funny at the same time, not to mention weird. And luckily, we have chosen to forget about it.

Have psycho-bitch girlfriend of Ex S’s berate me, dump him because he said hello to me, then try and get cosy with his mates. Then get all insecure and try to tell my mates that I will break everyone’s hearts, telling people what I have allegedly done in my relationships and whining and moaning over what men see in me. THis bitch has never met me before, so who is she to say that? This is meant to be a 30-year old with her shit together. Anyway, she's clearly a little nuts, so I accompanied poor Ex S to a wine tasting yesterday evening as his fill-in date. There's more to come with this pyscho lady, I just know it.

Phew. Party after party after party, with a pyscho lady that wants to kill me thrown in for fun. It's like it's the eve of 1999...


Buzzing'Fly said...

Sounds like a good weekend Peas, also had me a crazy weekend... pay day wkend, ow.. gonna take a couple dayz to recover still. mad mad.

Was at Loaded, loaded is always insane... memory loss nites ;)

Good luck with Psycho bitch yeah :)

Peas on Toast said...

Buzzing - Glad to hear I wasn't the only one, yay! :)

Loaded was fucking crazy. Good times indeed!

And pyscho lady is apparently going to be at the Durban July. Oh goodie. Between her and Small Bum, this may be an intersting weekend coming up.

Billy said...

Classic! I have a bad habit of sms'ing to the wrong people too. I do it sober! Odd!
Glad to hear you had a good one!

Jam said...

Holy crap.

Did Guy have anything to say?

We need more details here about Guy... who is he, how long has your Eye been busy with him for?

Daytripper said...

Come on now, spill the beans... what happend with the Guy dammit? How did he take it????

The Real Marbro said...

and i thought i made silly mistakes.well aslong as you have had contact with him again.it should be fine.....do you smell like fertilizer now?

Rays said...

Yeah Peas.. what is this Guy about - blonde, dark?

And why is he giving you socks? Surely the mere fact that he's giving you something is a clue that he may be interested?

duke said...

total chaos. the sms mistake was schoolgirl, young lady. You should never drink and dial / text.

The universe must have had it in for us - Ascot on Saturday, rounded off by the World Cup of Petonk (loser does a tequila slammer) yesterday.

Conclusions: South African girls are the hottest. I suck at Petonk. I hate tequila slammers. Monday morning will inevitably hurt.

fly said...

Loaded was great wasnt it ??? ;o)

Never seen so many people smiling to "one night in heaven" ever.... :oD

Peas on Toast said...

Hi everyone!

Sorry for the delay in comments - I've just met Richard Branson, so I'm sure you'll understand. ;) (More about that tomorrow)

OK Guy Eye On. Mate of mine, he liked me once, but I was attached, and now I like him but he's attached. Crapola.
The specs: he's beautiful. If we ever get together (and it's not looking likely after the sms debacle, and he has a girlfriend), I'll change his name to Killer Smile. He's tall, dark and handsome - your classic kind of alpha male - the kind I usually go for I suppose.

Concerning the sms - I thought it best to play down the situation as much as possible. So he kind of smiled at me and said nothing and then asked me who it was MEANT for. I kind of shrugged and blushed saying it was meant for Ant and "sorry 'bout that..." Embarrassing! I saw him throughout the night at the parties that ensued, and he kind of laughed and said "Hope you going to wear your toe socks Peas!"

He's coming with me and my posse to the July. Let's hope I don;t screw that up. ;( But because he's taken, I'm [trying] to play it cool and be what I am: his mate.

I'll keep you all posted.
PS: I can't believe he bought me socks. It's pretty hysterical. :)

jam said...

You met Richard Branson?????
No fair!!!!!
Why wait until tomorrow - spill all now!
Bummer on the friend involved thing...is he...er...very happily involved?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - hi there dollface!
Well it wasn't exactly an exclusive meeting - it was alarge typically OTT media launch in Sandton where he jumped off a building on a foofie slide and I got to interview him a little. (He's launching a Virgin credit card.)

As for Eye Guy, well, the bird lives in Cape Town. But she plans to move up here quite soon. It's not serious, but he seem to like her alot. I can't mess with that. I suppose if it's meant to be it's meant to be right?
In the meantime, I plan to keep my options open, and am feeling pretty secure in the fact I'm single now - I'm happier than I've been in 5 weeks, let's put it that way. So I guess I'll have to see what happens. ;)

Jam said...

Yay ! I am so pleased to hear you sounding happy and out there...
*big hug*

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Jam. Let's hope this doesn't end in disaster!

PS: You know I was stone cold sober when I sent that sms as well. Hungover, sure, but sober nevertheless. I must be completely retarded.

jam said...

Actually, sometimes when my hangover is severe enough, I am convinced I AM retarded having murdered enough brain cells to make it so...much worse than actually being drunk!

Peas on Toast said...

True. I'm certain my IQ had dropped a good 30% considering the staunchness of my hangover!

Revolving Credit said...

Hi All

Heavy weekends take their toll - went out Fri - Lots tequila, Jager-Bombs & Whiskey.
Finally surfaced from haze on Sat even in time for mates Birthday ( Stuck to whte wine). The trick is not to touch the cellphone ( See Jams post and comments on alcohol)

About Eye-Guy: Does he knit??
If he asks, just say that since you're single he was the designated Boyfriend for the nite - just play it down and it will go away. Mention one or two others who will be filling the role soon.

PS . Are there any good parties happening in Jozie this week & where's there a good vibe on Monday and Tuesday evenings??

other-duke said...

common blog theme going on today...

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving and Other Duke - tooshay. It seems that this weekend was a bender all round!
As for parties happening, I'm not in the know as I won't be here. Perhaps visit Daytripper's site, (The Chiz) as he knows all the live gigs that happen in the city.
But nice that you're coming up to the Big Smoke!
Usually Tuesdays and mid-week, I hit places like the Jolly Roger, or the Bowling Club or generally something relatively low key and pubby. May just see you there! ;)

Daytripper said...

Thanks for the punt Peas!
Friday night: The Boho in Richmond/Melville sees great punk night with Half price, Misled and more
This Saturday night in JHB, The Cellar Door is the place to be... great indie parties at Horror cafe, this week featuring The Diesel Whores and Jim neversink as well as DJ's Marc and Martin playing the best indie music in JHB!
check out www.cellardoorpresents.co.za for all teh details!
Sunday night is Parlotones at Liberty Theatre on the Square (sandton) and next Monday you gotta be at bassline for Lloyd Cole!

Tuesday nights is half price Pizza night at Jolly Roger, so get on down to Parkhurst... hell i should charge for this info!

Revolving Credit said...

May try something pub-ish - Got 7:30 starts for Tues/Weds. With JHB traffic I suspect I'd need to get going @ 6:00am which is oh my fuck early for my lazy ass.

Rest of the week is a lots easier so will probably do the most damage 'tween Thur & Sat

Jam said...

Daytripper, you shameless publicist.

Daytripper said...

@ jam: hur hur hur!
Its just the quality Jam, just the quality!

Peas on Toast said...

Hilarious - knew I made a good call calling on Daytripper. ;)

We're all going Jolly Rogering wednesday night, because that's when half-price pizza is, Daytripper dear. ;)

Daytripper said...

Well i suppose if you're gonna be a gig guide, it helps if you can get the days of the week right!

Peas on Toast said...

It's a common mistake, Daytripper, no biggie. Either way, the Jolly pizzas are good any day of the week. :)

Suavé said...


Okay, I dont mean to get off the topic or even to spoil the post for tomorrow but about Richard Branson. Had a friend that was at the launch for Virgin Mobile on Saturday. The dude came into the airport direct from the air in his own plane(that he was flying himself mind you). What a killer ass entrance! He had these angelic-dressed-in-white-chicas with wings and all and bodyguards ushering him into the hangar. Crazy! You'd think he was a rock star or something. But more on that tomorrow...

Yeah my weekend was insane too! What is it with all of us, cant we just stay away from the liquor? Sheesh!

muddlepuddle said...

Peas how friggin tall is Richard Branson?

How awesome are toe-socks?

How much bigger than you is psycho bitch?

Are yer tits nicer than hers and if yes, is your Durb July dress low in the cleavage area?

Is Eye Guy's chicklet coming to the races?

Excuse the questions I have no self-control today (not over one aspect of myself)

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - howzit china. I heard! He definitely goes way over the top, but I suppose people don't forget. ;)

Welcome to the Monday Blues club

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

i havent heard u in sucha good fucking mood since forever! keep those spirits high!!

fida . . .

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Muddle!
To answer your questions:
1) Pretty tall, but not overly huge.
2) They're awesome. Stripes and everything! ;)
3) I'm definitely taller than pyscho bitch.
4) My tits, however, are probably smaller. But my Durban July dress kicks a helluva lot of ass. It's bright pink (surprised?) with matching four inch heels.
5) No, she's not coming along. Which is great. Not so sure if I want to see them sucking face the whole weekend.

Fida - thanks my dear. I am feeling more chipper. Long may it last! :)

Anonymous said...

Peas peas peas peas!!

dunno how you do it- what a weekend, and you go kiss your stipper friend too, with Guy Eyes on at same party.

just see you dig Joburg to Jozi, great book

Peas on Toast said...

Oh God. I know. Whoever you are.

At least I was discreet about it. Nobody actually saw us do the deed, which is half gratifying.


muddlepuddle said...

I have some balloons to match your dress left over from boring Saturday night surprise party for you to take with.

In any case you're bigger than psycho biatch so heed this:
I have hit a woman before in my past life - it was not as difficult as I thought it would be, and the satisfaction derived from the experience has, to date, not been matched.

Also Guy with the Eye is available w/end and seeing as you're oh so good at keeping your snogs a secret.....ENJOY IT!

Peas on Toast said...

OK - Anonymous just phoned me. That's hilarious. Sorted.

Muddle - I swear, if the pyscho lady takes a swing at me, I'm not gonna take it lying down. I'll take the high road until that point.

Balloons! I like, I like!

muddlepuddle said...

Muddle got yo back gangsta

muddlepuddle said...

P.S. If scuffle ensues remember to remove stillettos

Revolving Credit said...

Fuck, 1hour flight delay. Will just have to drink the time away

jam said...

so then, pizzas at the dodgy on wed night then?

Peas on Toast said...

Absolutely! See you guys at the Dodgy Roger! ;)