Saturday, June 24, 2006

ancestral debate

There was once an Frenchman, an Italian and a Portuguese guy in one room. Well, actually not.

This merging of three cultures occurs on an almost daily basis, the room being our lounge. Half my family is French, Third World Ant is Italian, and Third Roommate is half-Portuguese.
Last night, Third Roommate and I got quite miff with each other during a debate about our continental ancestry. Why we are so adamantly loyal to our roots is beyond me, since we're actually both as South African as boerewors. (Well, not quite, but you get what I mean.)

Third Roommate: Oy, Charles de Gaulle, pass me the ashtray.

Peas: Easy, Vasco da Gama.

Third Roommate: If if weren't for Vasco, Mozambique wouldn't be here today.

Peas: Vasco destroyed the entire country! Alongside Angola!

Third Roommate: Well, let's not go into what the French did when they colonised themselves around the world.

Peas: We might've colonised, but we didn't kill millions of people.

Third Roommate: And what about slavery in the Deep South?

Peas: What about it? At least we have great cuisine! You don't hear anybody saying, "Hmmm, I could really do with an espetada right now."

Third Roommate: Is that garlic I smell, Edith Piaf?

Peas: Well Lourenco Marques, at least our national food isn't a piece of meat wedged between two buns. At least we have wine, cheese and roasted duck.

Third Roommate: Ever heard of Nando's?

Peas: I suppose they have Nando's in Portugal do they?

Third Roommate: At least we weren't taken in two world wars. Twice!

Peas: We're lovers not fighters, Bartholomew Dias. You won't hear anybody saying "Wow, Portuguese lovers are the best in the world." You may hear that French people are great in the sack though.

Third Roommate: So they great in the sack, so what?

Peas: And you won't hear people saying, "Lisbon. Hmmm. More romantic than Paris. Better food. An Eiffel Tower."

Third Roommate: At least when I speak English in Lisbon people respond to me! Rude fucking Frenchies.

Peas: Hey, fuck you.

Third Roommate: Fuck you! You guys need to learn to speak English!

Peas: Well, Fuck. You. Why should we?

Third Roommate: Because, you fucking well should. Now fuck you.

Peas: Yeah well fuck you. Va te faire enculer!

Third Roommate: What does that mean?

Peas: 'Why don't you go and fuck yourself,' that's what it means.

We sulked for ten minutes then decided to leave it. We're more loyal to our roots than we think. Ant, you should've been there. A volatile Italian flying off the handle, going on about pasta sauces and Mussollini, is exactly what we needed here.

I could murder a camembert au fraise coulis.

52 comments:

Shortypam said...

well good morning peas.. i must admit that i am too of some coolish ancestory.. im half portuguese on my dads side (my surnames lourenco,hehe..) and im half xhosa on my moms side, im still ponderin whether im "mixed" or "coloured".. but its funny how you got into the whole debate cos iv never really thought of being overtly patriotic to my origins... i do agree with you we are all south africans since we live here, eat boerewors and biltong and yes we braai not barbeque... and being south african is what makes us great. yeah we rock!!

Peas on Toast said...

Well hey there Shortypam!

Yes, no matter where the stork dropped us, at the end of the day, we're Saffas. And because we're so mixed, it makes us one crazy nation with so many culturally different facets. I love it.

PS: I bet those Frenchies and Porras up north wish they had biltong and boerewors. They don't know what they're missing! :)

third roommate said...

hey shortypam...good call on it rocking to be a saffa. that said i'm glad to see peas has got some readers who come from superior stock. he he. as for whether you're coloured or mixed, sit on the fence a while. one way makes it easier to get a job. the other means you can walk through eldos safely. it must be said that the only reason we got into the debate was a chronic case of boredom waiting for home and away...

GoDsGiMp said...

I have the look of a greek god. Which, of course gives rise to much confusion regarding my ancestry.

Are you greek?
Are you italian? and last week, the crown; Are you Jewish?

Just because my hair is curly, suddenly im eating matzoh and saving cents. The truth is Im not Medditeranean at all, I have a bit of English and a bit of Scot in me, neither side would give any leeway to the other, so I ended up with the curls and the side profile to match 'David'. Its the nose.. not the other protruding...

But generally I tell people I'm South African. We can't say proudly South African anymore, cause thats trademarked. But I can say im a [i]trots[/i] South African!

Peas on Toast said...

Oy, third roommate - fuck you. :)

Glad to see you've finally joined the party. Did you at least bring my readers some pregos?

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - Greek god huh? ;) That's pretty nice. All I get is, "You like kind of Mediterranean. Are you from Spain?"

Non! Sacre bleu!

PS: Third Roommate/Vasco - you won't hear Portuguese words Anglified like French words, btw. Ever heard of 'cul-de-sac?' or how about the very usable 'rendez-vous?' or even 'restaurant?' :)
God I love winding you up! ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...

Heya peas.... k well im half Mozambiquan, Half Brazilian, was born in Portugal but have lived here most my life...

Epha>

so i have Prawns, Caipirinha, mighty fine looking men (yes even Potugal), great cheese, wine and have you ever been to lisbon?? Man the Portuguese youth know how to break it down... not to mention Algarve...

and i love me Biltong.

Thats what makes South Africa such a cool place to live, its cosmopolitan!!

so i say Viva south Africa, wouldnt wanna live anywhere else.

Peas on Toast said...

buzzing'fly - admittedly I haven't been to Lisbon, but have heard that the men and women in that part of the world are smoking hot. And piri-piri prawns - I won't ever say no to those. And caipirhinas are my downfall at Lusitoland every year.

But don't let Third Roommate hear me say that.

Buzzing'Fly said...

But when it comes to football, Brazil and Portugal are going to demolish your Italian and French asses...

*stick out tongue and run to hide*

Peas on Toast said...

Come say that over here Buzzing Fly!

;)

GoDsGiMp said...

Il n'est pas comme si les Français sont mauvais au football, pas du tout. Il est juste le portugeuse sont celui bien mieux.

GoDsGiMp said...

D'ailleurs pois de dame. Dieu grec, oui tabagisme chaud. Tabagisme de tabagisme chaud.

Anonymous said...

Im for the French..... At least they attempted to flog the Krauts back into the vader land, not that it worked or lasted that long, point being they tried. The Portuguese on the other hand added squat to the fight for freedom, over and above that they had tanks made with one gear forward and six gears back.....

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - Non, mon petit chinois. Absolutement pas. Je ne pense pas. Mais, q'uest ce que tu fais a plus tard? ;) J'aime bien quand un bonhomme parle le langue.

Buzzing'Fly said...

he he peas, totally. my best bud is greak, i love giving her uphill... its so much fun.

Peas on Toast said...

Anonymous - I dig you. You can totally stay. :)

GoDsGiMp said...

As maravilhas do Internet, alguns segundos há eu não poderia falar o francês ou o português.

GoDsGiMp said...

Peas: Un crochet suis moi, le crochet est très important.

Peas on Toast said...

OK Godsgimp - you, like, making me horny.

A guy that can speak sveral languages gets my buttons popping. Arretez!

duke said...

ha!

I've got to side with the Porras here. The French DID kill millions of people in their colonies and destroyed much of those countries, Jaques Chirac is one of the world's biggest knob-heads, and the French football team are currently completely useless.

Apart from Thierry Henry and Arsene Wenger, you can keep the lot.

GoDsGiMp said...

Lol @ Peas.

Well yes online translation can get that reaction outta women.. sometimes...

"Non, mon petit chinois." Translates as "no, not my small chinese." Now thats funny.

But this; "D'ailleurs pois de dame. Dieu grec, oui tabagisme chaud. Tabagisme de tabagisme chaud."

Now that doesn't need translation, it just sounds/reads hot!

Buzzing'Fly said...

Deuses.

Você é inteligente mantê-lo sem polarização, embora que a língua estiver totalmente desligada... ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Duke - that's not cool. What about Victor Hugo? Francois Mitterand? Katherine de Neuve? You know you actually mean you side with the French, you know you do. :)

Godsgimp - I know my dear. I couldn't think of anything that directly translated into "no my little china." :)

Buzzing'Fly - Feliz ano novo e boas festas. That's all I can say for now. Oh and "azeitonas." Olives, I declare.

Buzzing'Fly said...

ha ha peas, thats all you need esp. if you stumbing on the beach in Tofu on new years... dats all my friends remember , oh and you have to know the most important words in the Portugues dictionary whilst chilling in Moz >

Cerveja and Camarão, beer and prawns ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...

or ala local > Dois M e Camarão, obrigado amigo...

Buzzing'Fly said...

oh yeah and....

Desculpa, não tenho dinheiro.

Sorry, i dont have money. super NB.

Peas on Toast said...

Buzzing, admittedly Mozambique (with particular reference to Tofo and Barra) is my favourite place on this Earth. I go every year if I can. And my local knowledge of Portuguese extends to Dois M, camarao, lagosta, pao, Meti-wipes, obrigado, bom dia, and pesce. That's all I need to know right?

Buzzing'Fly said...

ha ha, check my post on why i love mozambique when you have a chance...

with that knowledge of the lingo, you'l be 'aaight peas ;)

Third World Ant said...

Mamma bloody mia! Wish I'd been there last night to give i tuoi due paesi a good kakking out!

Viva Italia! Viva pasta, pizza, salami, parma, cappuccino, espresso, mozzarella, ricotta, tartuffo, panettone, pandoro, Nutella!

Signed, one Wop of a South African :)

Suavé said...

Tsk Tsk Tsk, all South African(except Buzz) but cant speak a one of our languages. I'm dissappointed guys...

And "Molo Kunjani" doesnt count. Neither does "Eish"

Peas on Toast said...

Buzzing - loved your post. Left you a comment or two. ;)

Ant - mia piccola Ant! Benvenido (?) a la blog giorno (?)!

Your lista, it is a impressive-a.
I'll try to match it: cafe au lait, camembert, chateauneuf du pape, cannes, loire castles, boules, pastis, gauloises, raosted canard, tapenade, olives, raclette, chatreuse liquere, creme brulee, baguettes, crepes, the French Riviera, saucisson, The French Riviera, The French Riviera, skiing at Val d'Isere, boulangeries, patisseries, fromageries. French fornication.

third roommate said...

bloody hell. doesn't anyone have any work to do. peas, you thought i wouldn't notice your capitulation hidden amongst the wealth of comments. no such luck. damn it feels good to be a gangsta

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

umm....

im South African - but
indian...??? - oopps sorry - H-indian! (as the chaar-ous would say) ....

and with regards to culture - the south african indian is a different breed altogether......and have an ancestory of their own!

thank the good lord that the indian accent didnt follow us completley down the tree!

fida . . .

Peas on Toast said...

third roommate - dude, it's Friday. And I'm still recovering from Wednedsay - why oh why do I have to work? :)

Tooshay. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. ;)

Fida - babe, you can't beat Indian curry. With all the extras like poppadums and sambals. Could murder one this instant! :)
Any Germans in the sphere? They've been strangely silent.

muddlepuddle said...

Peas does Third Roomate know that Nando's is part pork n cheese and part gefilte fish?

other-duke said...

Ok... seriously. Duke we have to find a way of distinguishing between us... I'm changing my name to 'other-duke'

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - that's what I told him, but he refused to believe me. Ignorance is bliss. :)

Duke and Duke - yes guys I think you need to distinguish yourselves - who knew Duke was such a popular name? ;)

other-duke said...

ok, i (new duke) is now known as other-duke

/nick other-duke
/nickserv identify ******

:)

Buzzing'Fly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Buzzing'Fly said...

Fridays are unproductive dayz in the office. I simply cannot for the life of me stay focused... all i can think about is what i will be doing later and tommmor and on sunday and shopping and Jose and and...

everything but work.

think we need to do away with work on Fridays :)

kyknoord said...

I have both French and English ancestors in equal proportions. You should hear the arguments I have with myself.

Peas on Toast said...

I hear you big guy. It's like, "should I have mushy peas on toast for dinner, or confi du poulet au jus d'ail?" Oh the confusion.

That's when I usually settle on a KFC Streetwise Two.

Revolving Credit said...

To quote a mate of mine:
"Anyone got some Ducth is them?
....no....ok.....Want some?"

Peas on Toast said...

Revolving - guy! Where've you been! Check you blog! My curiosity is killing me!

Cookie Monster said...

Ah.... Peas on Toast, I think that it is time to reveal myself and Muddle knows all too well. I am the anonymous that posted the tank issue with regards to the porras. Strangely I posted a blog today on the Germans and see you have requsted to know where the Germans are?

I am of isle heritage and had a stab at the Germans this morning, tomorrow I shall be taking a screw driver to the Italians and the Greeks for there part in the war and when Im done the Yanks are up for a bollocking!

Harsh perhaps but the French are to be left alone, they are in a secret way the allies of old to the Brits!!! Check out Stars and light

Cookie Monster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Peas on Toast said...

Well hello there Cookie Monster!

I'm glad the French have been ommitted from your stabbings - yay! You're hired. :)

PS: You and Muddle know each other? Bless!

Cookie Monster said...

Yep the French are not on the block...

Correct we do, and she is just a fantastic lass with a kick ass Ipod.... Love her blog.... yours is just as great, you have made me laugh for a solid year....... GO PEAS GO

The Real Marbro said...

"Hmmm, I could really do with an espetada right now."

Classy..But i still hate the french.

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - thanks my dear! Here's to the French! ;)

Real Marbro - surely you don't mean that? ;)
(But if you do - you're not the only one out there, so I suppose I can't argue!)

Inyoka said...

The issue of ancestry is interesting and, as you say, the importance that we attach to its relative unimportance... to coin a phrase. We are all pretty arrogant about who and what we are. More's the pity.

Anyway - who is ruder? French? English? American? There are some suprising results from some recent research. See link below http://figtree.squarespace.com/journal/2006/5/27/people-in-glass-houses.html

Peas on Toast said...

Ah thanks Inyoka! And thanks for your comment email and link. Cncerning the posting of recipes: that's not
a bad idea at all actually. I'll definitely take a look at the site, and also the back of my chakalaka tin, you never know!

Funnily enough, my Grandmere cooks like a demon. She can whack anything together and make it taste sensational. I have a couple of recipes in my back pocket, mostly French recipes concerning salmon and cheese and the like, which I haul out when I have dinner parties. But since I cook just for myself on a regular basis, I keep it pretty simple. Mainly because I don't feel like cooking up a storm after a day in the office, so things like, say, mushy peas on toast goes down a storm.
My flatmate Ant  cooks variations of pasta at least four times a week. And it's usually scrummy.
Thanks for the link, and hopefully I can find some good recipes.
Peas x