Tuesday, June 13, 2006

damn it feels good to be a gangsta


grass
Originally uploaded by peas on toast.
So Friday night was a proverbial hoot. I properly partied in the true North. This is not my usual territory.

I went to an all girl’s wine-consuming dinner at E’s place. Sufficiently quenched, we headed off to Kitchen Bar. I’m not the biggest fan of the place, but nevertheless it was completely bearable. E and I decided to be French for the evening, and let it be known it comes in handy when peecking up za gents.

Manhattan. Hysterical. And safe to say it actually was a riot because I’ve never been that sober in the place before. It was fantastic. Also because it wasn’t chockers full and the talent wasn’t horrendous either. And I always dig a good boogie. I can now officially write a girl’s How To Pull in Four Moves in simple and easy format:
1) Grope his ass. Seriously.
2) When he turns around, flash him a wicked smile.
3) Dance with him.
4) Kiss him.
It really is that easy. However, I wouldn’t suggest the same plan of action for you gentlemen.

This time it was a complete random. And not a bad looking chap at that. I know what he does, where he studied, where he lives, but don’t for the life of me ask me his name. I didn’t freak out this time to the point where I sprinted from the club, heels a-clattering. Sure, after ten minutes of face sucking I’d had quite enough, but I didn’t leave. I didn’t even go hang out in the ladies. We had a blast. Slept at E’s house, and for one moment when I woke up I wondered whether I’d gone home with someone. Relief. Gotta love a girl’s night (with a cheeky snog on the side.)

PS: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. Office Space. That guy Peter’s life is my life. At work that is. But damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

PPS: The instrumental version of Girl From Ipanema is exceptional.

PPPS:
Rachel: “Well Ross, I’m afraid I’m dumping you.”
Ross: …Boo hoo hoo! Fine by me!

PPPPS: Third World Ant managed to piss off the Nigerian druglords that reside in the building. She pulled a zap at the guy when he wouldn’t let me drive into the garage first. This is not good.

PPPPPPS: Freaky incident. We drove to the video store in Craighall to get DVDs. In our slippers. That aside, we got White Noise. A horror movie. Just outside the video shop, where there are old DVDs for sale, we saw it there for R30. After renting it out for R27. Then once at home, on Movie Magic, there it was. Woah, man.

PPPPPS: I might’ve toked during the making of this post.

PPPPPPPPPPPS: In the garden. Out of the Twlight Zone that is the recent existence of our lounge. In the sun. On the fresh grass.

PS ∞: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

PS ∞∞: I think I’m going to quit my job and become a gangsta. According to the song, anyone can be a gangsta – they come in all shapes and sizes. How easy is it to make methamphetamine and sell it from your house?

PS: ∞∞∞: I swear this is the last PS.

45 comments:

the one who scribbles said...

hmmm... havent had a proper girls-night-out in a while and i now loong for one after yours - must induge in one very soon!! :) hope you have many more, especailly ones that include "cheeky snogs" (those are the best). will try your 4-step plan sometime, sounds like a winner!

ps. ps's are GrEaT!! ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Scribbles - girls nights are always a scream. I vow to have them more often myself! ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

Pissing off nigerian druglords is not a good deal, besides if you keep them happy they keep you happy! if you know what I mean.

"I might have toked in the making of this post!" Man i love being on holiday, my shortage of posts is mainly cause I been toking with friends and secondly because its world cup season. And no male short have to do more than watch soccer at this time of year. Soccer widows!!!

You rock peas.

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp, thanks doll face!

It was a hoot. Safe to say it's largely Third Roommate's influence. ;)

I just hope the Nigerians don't know which flat we live in. They kind of looked rather pissed off. If all else fails, we'll offer them our stash...

GoDsGiMp said...

I know this sounds bad, but it is raining outside my friend gave me some of his own garden grown finest and really I have nothing else to do..

Okay sue me its early and all that.. but..

I can't think of any but's

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - ok, well besides the fact it's exactly 9:12 am on the button, and you're on holiday...I don't foresee an immediate problem.

But share the love, ok. Some of us are sitting in an office wishing they could be a gangsta. :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Ah... so you wanna hear me rap!

GoDsGiMp said...

Unfortunately I am no gangsta.

But I have an answer for everything...

Peas on Toast said...

Write a post on your blog. It should be entertaining C'mon, make my Monday! :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Plsr-

Jam said...

Rather a gangsta than a gangsta's chick. I don't know if I could get all the bum wiggling right.

Peas on Toast said...

Tooshay. Nobody's going to be pimping me anytime soon. ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

I posted a little something for you to ponder on. Maybe even help me out with. -he-said-.blogspot.com

Im going to park off and watch a movie, so when I get back im hoping you will have a theory about it.

sheldon said...

...errrrm is there any particular significance in the grass pic?

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I checked out your freaky dream big guy. ;)

Sheldon - it's meant to be a metaphor doll face. And I also like taking pictures of grass. :)

Third World Ant said...

Sheldon - that's the first time we've seen the grass in six months, we really do live in the twilight zone!

Peas - The Nigerians will be fine, got some Russians I can call on for help - honestly. Sometimes they just have to be put in their place!

Peas on Toast said...

Phew. OK. As long as we have the Russian Mafia on our side, we should be ok.
It's not the same family I know is it?

Revolving Credit said...

Uumm.....are these the same Nigerians that run Adult World on Corlett? Doesn't that qualify as self-sabotage??
Biting the hand that feels you??

Peas on Toast said...

Nah, I wouldn't worry Revolving. These guys run a crack business.

Well, I assume anyway. Judging by the sounds/people coming and going/general vibe.

Revolving Credit said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Adult World a 'crack business'???

Peas on Toast said...

A details man. Fair enough. OK, well the kind of crack I'm thinking about isn't enveloped by two lardy buns.

We're talking a cheaper, rougher version of coke, complete with free light bulb. :)

Bless those entrepreneurs.

Revolving Credit said...

Cheaper, rougher...still sounds like Adult World.

So whats it feel like to be back on the snog-wagon?

PS. The ps's got me really confused...did you try some of the Nigerian's wares as your mind seems all over the place? or has the snog still got your mind racing??

Peas on Toast said...

Neither, you'll be pleased to know Revolving. Although, I had a toke or two of good old Mary Jane when writing this post. ;)

The snog-wagon is a little overrated. Perhaps this will change as things go on. I'm putting myself out there as a means to get over Small Bum, but I'm not taking or giving numbers at this point.

Revolving Credit said...

I prefer to think of it less as ' I'm putting myself out there' and more as 'busy honing your technique'?

muddlepuddle said...

Peas firstly,you're forgetting you're a gangsta - who gives a shit about Nigerian druglords when you're a gangsta?

Secondly, they're after Third World Ant so you haven't got reason to sweat! (Just kidding TWA!)

Stick a poster of 2Pac on your front door and you'll be cool

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Muddle for reminding me that I'm a gangsta. For a moment there I forgot. Gangstas should never do that. You know, forget they're gangstas.

Plus we're cool. Why wouldn't they like us, right? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Even though 2Pac was a gangsta, wasn't he shot??

Peas on Toast said...

Correct. Hectic. I have a giant poster of Fifty Cent. (Don't ask). He was shot like nine times and still lived to tell the tale.

That's my man.

muddlepuddle said...

R - yes he was shot however there are many conspiracy theories surrounding this.

To some the man still lives on (he does release at least one new song a year) under a new identity Macchiavelli. So technically he was shot but only those Gangstas in the know really well ummm know.

Peas 50Cent is a whoos gangsta as he had to rely on a white boy in order to make it. The fact that he was shot like 500 times is just good war stories, used in convincing sluts like Lill' Kim to collaborate.
If you really want these guys respect (and free turbo lettuce) put a poster of the 419 Squad (bunch of mainly Nigerian Rappers). However do not order the Warhol print of them I'm not sure if druglords appreciate the arts!

sheldon said...

Are we talking about the same Nigerians like those from Nigeria (Hillbrow)? Well then I hate to be the bearer of bad news but those mo fos don't flinch! They'll say thinks like "we only fear god!" and "we cunnot feel no pain” without blinking them bloodshot eyes!!!

So please take them some herbal cookies and make friends (i.e. apologize) or skip the country and make sure you don’t end up in Lagos!

Peas on Toast said...

Lol! Do you think Warhol did an Eminem?

I happen to think he's fabulous. Angry, sure, but fabulous.

Champagne Heathen said...

Put some bullet holes through your frontdoor. That should show anyone you are hardcore better than some poster picked up from Cardies.

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - do you think if I took them a fruit basket that would work? With a ribbon and everything? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Champagne - classic. :)

Ant, do you think Landlady From Hell would mind? Cos I like this idea. I like it alot.

Revolving Credit said...

Me thinks they're gonna want to 'take you to the candy shop!'

muddlepuddle said...

Listen, Em is great. Lyrical genius. And angry, sure. However still white trash. Not someone Nigers fear or respect.

Pac was a gangster from the day he popped out his Dear Mommas womb.
How many people do you know can wear a bandanna tied in a bow on the front of their head and still be a hot mofo? (Minnie Mouse not included in this category).

Peas on Toast said...

revolving - I may just decline. As politely as possible, of course. ;)

Muddle - You do like this Pac man don't you?? Well if the bullet holes fail us, I'll pop down to Cardies and buy me the biggest Pac poster they have on sale. ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

In my line of work, I have had to work with some township gangsters (actually just from nights out I have had to deal with gangsters...man, I worry about me sometimes, but anyway...). Peas, I have realised allowing them to cop a brief feel of your ass appeases them to no end. Note: brief feel! Too long and they'll be banging down your door for other reasons.

muddlepuddle said...

Hahahaha or you could go check out this website/blogspot:
www.nigeriavillagesquare.com

Brush up on your Nigerian culture and politics so that if they do try to take you to the candy shop, you have a chance of talking your way out of it!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - oh my GAD. Make no mistake, I'm an ass groper myself, it works for me, but having my ass groped by a professional crack maker? I'm not so sure about that.

Look, if things gets desperate...

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - thanks for the link dollface. ;)

kyknoord said...

You're terrible, Muriel

Peas on Toast said...

kyknoord - that's, like, totally my one of my favourite movies of all time.

Woah, man :)

Kate said...

Big up ABBA music and hysterical aussie films! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - hell yeah.

The best of all time: The Castle.

It's an insteetution.