So I was going to talk about the cool quiz evening thingie I went to last night with a bunch of cool people, but something's come up.
I really thought Small Bum was reading my blog all this time. Hell, he even said he'd read it if we ever broke up. I thought, because he walked out on me, he'd understand in some way, why I am so hurt and angry. Well it appears that his friends found it, as people do all the time, it seems, and forwarded him my link.
I got an email from him this morning. The first contact I have had from him since that awful day.
It went something along the lines of he felt regret, he misses me and was hoping to drop off a three page letter that is sitting dormant in his desk drawer. But because of my rantings and ravings, all his 'heartache' is inedaquate and misguided.
What I don't understand is why he is only coming forward now - why only after finding my personal space where I choose to air my hurt and sadness? I thought I had been eradicated like an old Afghan in his memory. I thought he didn't give me a second thought, he had moved on weeks ago. Which is why I didn't want to contact him - why push him away even more, right?
But I remain strong in my adamance of my 'constructive' venting. I knew that people may find this. I knew that commenting on things he couldn't change would just be plain nasty. Which is why I cut him down to size in only the things he could change. God only knows how much I love(d) the guy. Despite all his foibles. So, for the sake of appearing fair, I will compile a list of MY foibles that I could change. Because I am about as far from perfect as anyone right now.
So here they are. Eat them up:
1) I may not buy dressing gowns. But I do, however, spend an exhorbitant amount of my disposable income on shoes. Some of the shoes I don't even wear more than once. I am a capitalist pig.
2) I have been partaking in the odd cigarette when out for a drink or chatting with friends. I am weak, and am not coping as well as I profess to be.
3) I don't always wash my make-up off before I go to bed.
4) I fall in love with men too easily. I give them my everything, and this is a naive trait which I am hoping to learn from.
5) I am self-righteous. And I have furry feet.
There you go.