Saturday, July 01, 2006

pick-up lines and durban, baby

Pick-up lines I’ve heard since I’ve been single. These, please take into consideration, are what I have heard roughly over the space of 6 weeks. All have been said with seriousness of face, and because of this, are all worthy of pasting herein:

1) Hi. How are you.
2) Those are serious reading glasses. (Oh dear. I don’t wear reading glasses…)
3) Didn’t mean to offend you about the glasses thing. (Really. It’s alright.)
4) Are they Gucci? (Sadly, no.)
5) Hello beautiful. (Hello Hugh Hefner.)
6) Hey, look…at you. (I can’t. No mirrors within immediate proximity.)
7) Can I break the ice, er, I mean can I buy you a drink. (Absolutely.)
8) You dance like a queen. (Thanks. I know.)
9) You have this look about you…you know…this wall. Like I can’t get in. (You would be right there.)
10) Hey, check, your shoes have a picture of Michael Jackson on them! (Huh?)
11) And he’s staring up your skirt! (Huh?)
12) Do you come here often? (I swear. People actually use this one.)
13) Hey! Your hair is in my face! (Sorry, who are you again?)
14) I’m from New Zealand. (Said in a distinct South African accent.)
15) Nice shoes, wanna fuck? (I actually used this on somebody. Don’t ask.)
16) So, now that you’re single…(yes?)
17) Wanna fuck? (Oh yes please you sweet talking bastard. Good God, no! Get away from me!)
18) Wanna see my watch? (Proceeds to wrap his tallywhacker around his wrist…)
19) Wanna go spinning with me? (This has been asked four times over email, the phone and sms. My answer? I equate spinning to Hell. Maybe when I hit a reasonable fitness level, I’ll think about it.) He asked again. Then proceeded to tell me how wonderful, amazing, incredible his girlfriend is. (Here’s a free idea: take her spinning, dickwipe.)
20) So…why do people call you [Peas/insert real name here]? (Cos…er…that’s my name.)
21) Why on Earth would Small Bum dump you? (Because he’s retarded. Only reasonable explanation.)
22) Your jacuzzi party last year was wild. Can we do it again? Cos next time I’m sitting next to you. (Were you at my jacuzzi party?)

Potential pick-up lines I’ll use in Durban this weekend:
1) [Walking over to victim] Are you just going to stand there staring at me…or are you going to buy me a drink?
2) Hello.
3) So…you see the guy over there with the Killer Smile? Don’t you want to help me make him want me?
4) Nice horses, huh?
5) So what do boys this end of the country do for fun?
6) Nice rack. Just kidding. But not really.
7) Oh him? No, that’s just Moogs. He’s my brother.
8) I’ve always wanted to know what the inside of a horse box looks like.
9) I won! I won! Fifty bucks on the trifector! Well…actually ..not. Want to help get me through this bottle of champagne? Misery loves company.
10) Well, actually , I was thinking, let’s rather go back to your place. Why? See, I’m staying in a backpackers with all my mates in the same room.

I’m off to Durban at noon today with Moogs, Eye Guy, Ant and E2. People to avoid? Small Bum, W, Pyscho Lady. I’m pretty darn certain there will be complete mayhem left in our wake after we're through with this shindig. I’ll be dressed from top to toe in flaming pink, and I'm back on Tuesday, probably with enough stories to write a book.

Have a wonderful weekend y’all, I’m off to catch a plane!


Daytripper said...

We interrupt this blog for an important news flash:
Durban, BRACE YOURSELF!!!!!!

muddlepuddle said...

Enjoy girl!
Best of luck findings some ASS

(eish corny)


Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - thanks Riaan Cruywagen. he he he :)

Muddle - thanks babe. I'm all over it! ;)

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas! How are you deary?

I too shall be present at the Durban July. I'm rather excited; much alcohol will be consumed.

If you happen to bump into an unbelievably good looking fellow, ask if his name is Kevin - chances are, it won't be!

Have a fantastic day now, you hear?

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Kev, what do boys at your end of the country do for fun? ;)

I'm so excited to get down there, I could eat my own foot!

If you spot an unbelievably shaggedelic woman in bright pink, it's probably not me. (Apparently pink is a popular colour for this thing!)

Prepare Durbs for my arrival this afternoon, your city will never be the same! :)

Kevin Cadman said...

Are you planning on having a night on the town this evening? If so, you should probably head on over to Casablanca on Florida Road. It's the happening place for people in their mid 20's.

Yeah, there's quite a bit of hype surrounding the July (not that that's unusual).

When you're on Florida Road, be sure to swerve past Spiga D'Oro: an Italian restaurant that stays open until a ridiculous hour of the morning. It's fantastic and always busy. The food is great too.

(Presuppose: I'm not a stalker, mmmkay!) What site are you going to be at? I've heard the Millers tent is the place to be.

Ah, I need to go find something to wear today!

Are you driving down?

Peas on Toast said...

Excellent Kevin! I was wondering where all the happening things were taking place, but figured we'd find out once down there. So Florida Road it is, I'll be sure to hit it. Where are the after parties?

We've got tickets to some pink (?) tent. And possibly the Millers tent, Moogs is still sorting out tickets with his uncle.

We're flying down at noon, and hiring a Tazz to get us around for the weekend. Also taking the Monday off work, so we can recharge after a turbo-driven weekend.

I can't wait to see all the boys in their suits - a guy in a suit, now that's sexiness. :)

Suavé said...

Hey Peas!

Go and have a blast. I know you'll come back with a limp in your step from all the humping and jolling in Durbz! I mean how could anyone resist you?

You go girl! *snapping fingers and rolling neck in a very hood way*


Kevin Cadman said...

Ah, nice!

The after party is normally at Tiger-Tiger, which under normal circumstances is a club for the 18-22 year olds (even though I still frequent this club at the ripe old age of 23!). Tiger-Tiger is adjacent to Greyville Race Course, hence making it the perfect venue.

Apparently entrance is R70. They're open the whole day and you get snacks (this is all heresay). I'm sure they'll drop the price in the evening.

I don't know if there's an official after-party, but I'm pretty sure the majority of attendees keen for a jol (I do hate that word) will be there present.

A pink tent? Haha. God, Durban guys catch onto a trend around 1 year after the rest of South Africa. I personally can't stand pink on guys. I think it's rather sheep-like as most guys wear it simply because the next guy is too. (I wrote about this here: Hate is the new black.

If only this day could end now...

kyknoord said...

If you're after a cheesy pickup line, how about... "Hi. I'm looking for a stallion to bet on. Any thoughts?"

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - LOL. Thanks dollface! :) You have a good weekend to you hear!

Kevin - oh I am very familiar with the Tight Tiger - we had one up here for a while, and at the ripe old age of, gulp, 25, I still shook my boodie there on the odd occasion! :) I heard something about Tiger in Durbs, so who knows? I'll get my homies to take me there.

Pink on guys...I must say, it depends on the verocity of the pink. Light, slamon pink is alright. My guy mates are wearing pink, which is a little frightening, but hey.

Excellent stuff - I'm outta here in two hours. Yippeeee!

Peas on Toast said...

Kyknoord - I'll give it a bash my dear! Moogs and I have taken a bet: if he can get away with "I'd like to take you outside and voilate you like a parking meter", champagne's on me. If I can get away with, "There's a party in my pants at the minute - would you like to join me?", champers is on him.

Good grief, we're going to throw so much name.

Jam said...

Have fun Peas...

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks sweetpea! You have a good weekend too, mkay. xx

The Real Marbro said...

the best line you can use...lick youre finger,wipe it on the vic,then say,lets get you out of those wet clothes....Works like a charm

at the assylum

Peas on Toast said...

Marbro! I love it! Love it!

(Even if it does goes down a treat in assylums, this one's a winner!)

Daytripper said...

any Madonna fans here?
Check out this story:

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

hey peas.....if u still around....maybe u can reconsider that topless dress......oopss...was it strapless .??#$@#.......its warming up out here!

oh! and as for those torturing, stale, decades-old, pick-up lines............heres to add to your list,..>>> .F@#k me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?

safe trip

fida . . .

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - so what's the scoop dollface? Or is she on another of her Kaballah jaunts?

Fida - ha ha, nice one! Glad to hear it's warming up - ecstatic to hear it's warming up! :)

PS: Eye Guy just phoned me to tell me he has flu. Great. But he's dousing himself up with Corenza C at the minute - let's hope it helps. He's still coming though, thank God. I need some eye candy on my arm.

Daedalus said...

Peas – I come here often. ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...

Aaahh... im Soo Jealous Peas, i was meant to go but stoopid deadlines have put a damper on them plans. ;(

I was there 2 weeks ago however and it was lovely and warm... Have a blast chica, shake that Pink bootie... and make us jozi chicks proud yea.

Christopher said...

I've had loads from girls and more than a few from guys.

Both can be grabby.

Groin grabby.