Thursday, July 06, 2006

F is for Fred, F is for fuck

Suave tagged me over the weekend. The game is to come up with a couple of words that begin with F. My IQ has dropped a couple of clicks thanks to copious Jagerbombs and such, and I’m feeling as creative as the brand managers of the Morkels Two Year Guarantee advert. So be warned.

Fuck. A word that gets a bad rap for being derogatory. It aptly describes the act of boofing, whilst being onamatopaeically describable at the same time. One cannot express themselves as fibually with a mere ‘flipping hell,’ or ‘Fudge. I crashed my car.’ Fuck should be introduced to primary school ejication.

Frisbee - a stupid plastic thing people throw on the beach. For fun. Fucking is fun. Frisbeeing is not.

Fibroid – the lump in my cahoona, which I thought might’ve been more serious.

Fist – when one screws one’s hand into a ball. Then punches someone, or uses it as a sexual tool with which to satisfy oneself.

Fuckwit – Paris Hilton, George W Bush, Captain James Hewitt.

Fucktard – As above, but even more retarded. Johnny Knoxville, Teletubbies, Slobadan Milosevic.

Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck – A string of simplistic yet effective profanities aimed at a higher being when things go wrong. Coined by Eric Cartman in Southpark.

Feline – a pet that isn’t a dog, makes me sneeze and and doesn't shed adoration all over me when I walk in the door.

Fish – of the familia ‘icthy,’ smells like something died. Reference to the poen.

Floater – After a greasy meal.

Filipino – a guy who lives in the Phillipines. (Or a guy who is travelling, but still lives in the Phillipines. And has a Philly passport.)

Flocculent – small, wooly flakes.

Fold – what you do when you’re getting fucked at a poker table.

Foible – habit that’s too cute to be annoying.

Frigging – fucking, but more juvenile.

Fibotsothicuracal – a word I made up. And intend to use. It means ‘one who is hung like a donkey.’

PS: The boys dared me to hit on a waiter at the Europa at La Lucia Mall over the weekend. I squeezed his bum and left him Moogs’ number. To which he smsed: “Hi. Thanks for coming to Europa. Next time I’ll give you the special. And let you feel my bum for longer.” See? It's easy to get ass if you put yourself out there. The quality of ass, however, cannot be accounted for.

PPS: I holed myself up last night, and boy it felt good. I had a bath and went to bed. I'm going to do this every night until I pull myself out of the black hole in which I find myself.

51 comments:

Daytripper said...

Post alcoholic depression Peas? i recommend hi doses of chocolate and believe it or not, excercise!

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - exercise?? What's that? ;)

Maybe I'll get onto my bike this evening...:)

Anonymous said...

Hey queen pea

Freakin fantastic:)hope you have a great day,

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - thanks sweetheart. :)

muddlepuddle said...

F is for Fanny the silly word your granny told you to use which later was replaced with Pussy.

Anonymous said...

Hey queen pea, I googled "f" interesting result thought it might bring a smile to a pea.

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - If there is one word I cannot stand, it's the f-a-n-n-y word. Don't you agree? Who coined it? It's positively awful. I prefer a thousand 'cunts' before the f-word. However, I love it how Americans call a moonbag a 'fannypack.' It's just too funny. ;)

muddlepuddle said...

Teeeheee ja it is Fucking hilarious!
They refer to yo' ass as a Fanny
Fucking Freakshow yanks!

P.S. my granny coined it - don't hate the playa hate the game

Jam said...

Peas - fun....something you know how to do very well!
Long baths are amazing - I make sure I have several of these a week, alone, to work out where the hell my world is.

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - no worries china. My granny also calls it a f..hold on..a fa..a, sorry can't say it. ;)

Jam - it's funny how my life has gone from being excited about seeing my boyfriend at the end of the day to getting excited about taking a bubble bath! :)
Ah, appreciating life's little pleasures!

Jam said...

Well I have boyfriend, but I still get excited about my bathtime. :-)
I think we should always appreciate life's little pleasures, boys or no boys!

Suavé said...

Fo' True - Very weird way a girl I met from the US ended her sentences eg:

"You're gona fuck me fo' true?"

OR

"You really hung low fo' true?"

;)

I found that very strange I did. Anyway I dont think I've had a bath in years. I just cant fitter in the fuckers...HEY, there's another F word!

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - that's hilarious! 'Fo'true?' Was she from the Deep South? ;)

And you haven't bathed in years. Sure you wanna be telling all of us this? he he he :)

Suavé said...

Yeah, she was from Hotlanta. Nice girl and all but ignorant as fuck. She was so ignint that she would wear her tag on her cap to show that its still new. Stoooopid!

And you know what I mean. I prefer showers Peas. Get those...errm...dirty thoughts out of your mind. I'm too tall for any bath.
I've really tried hard to find one I can fit in to no avail. Pity, cause there are so many things that can go...umh...down in the bath. Boo! :(

Peas on Toast said...

Suave, just how tall are you big guy?? ;)
Best we find you an extra long bath!

Dude, she wore the tag on her cap after she bought it? And you still wanted to have sex with her? Glad you've moved on my dear! :)

Daedalus said...

Peas

Were you not supposed to do words starting with "P"

Ak but then again – I recon you can give Peas any letter LOL

Suavé said...

I'm six foot four or one metre, ninety-five centimetres. Fo' true!

Jam said...

Cheesh Suave. What did you eat when you were growing up?

Suavé said...

Jam, if I knew I'd let you know. Promise!

*crosses fingers behind back*

ATW said...

Simple flowchart to describe your condition:
jaegerbombs => red bull => mucho caffeine => depression.
feeling similar myself- serious detox month is in order.

fly said...

I havent been around so I havent been able to read all your posts...needed to do some catcing up today tho...

So good to have you back Pea's :oP

Jam said...

Haha Suave.
I'm sure it made you smile though.

Buzzing'Fly said...

i saw Suave one last nite, and yeah he damn tall... and ill have you know that he also even better looking in real life ladies.. ;)

Suavé said...

Well Jam, from ear to ear! :)

Oh Buzz, stop it. Thank goodness I'm dark cause my face would be really red right now! ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - you're one tall muthafucka, and I say that with glee.

Jam - growth hormone added to his Jungle Oats?

ATW - Yay! Glad someone is about as loserish as I am! Sorry ATW, but misery loving company isn't just a cliche. ;)

Fly - glad to have YOU back big guy.

Daedalus - That probably would've been better, P. Not so many fucks.

Buzz - bless Suave's long cotton socks! :)

Buzzing'Fly said...

ha ha brownie points yea, also want to lift your spirits for the defeat u will face tonight... ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Suave you hot, studly, huge man-beast, you!
:)

Suavé said...

Peas stop it please! The people around me are wondering why the fuck I'm laughing out loud so much for. Enough now...

***bends over expectantly for smack on the bottom***

HAHAHAHAHAHA! You guys just made my day.

Muah!

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, give the man-beast a proper spanking. He's pleading for it...

Sounds like he really wants to be disciplined!

Peas on Toast said...

Bend over Suave, and take it like a man! :)
tee hee hee!

Buzzing'Fly said...

...and hes modest... aaahhhh

:):)

Revolving Credit said...

So how many times did you spank him there.
If his ass wasn't hot before, it sure is now!!

Peas, wipe that smile from your face...I know you got to grab some ass but..

Peas on Toast said...

:)

Buzzing'Fly said...

oh my its getting hot in here, kinky guys real kinky

i like it

Jam said...

Being as tall as he is, do you think you could reach his ass to spank him Peas?

Suavé said...

Oooooh Peas...It hurts so good!
Grrr!

Suavé said...

Nice one Revo! A little encouragement never hurt nobody.

Peas on Toast said...

I'm only a humble 5'8, so I'm thinking your ass is somewhere on my face.

Shit, did I just say that aloud??

Buzzing'Fly said...

umm...

Jam said...

I am starting to feel short in here.

And Peas, I heard you...

Revolving Credit said...

Your face??

Where's his ass, attached to his shoulder blades?

What farting gives you backache??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev if Suave stood against me, back to my chest, my face would be on his bum.

No fart jokes please, please! :)

Revolving Credit said...

The difference 'tween 6'4 ft & 5'8 ft is about 30cm, which means that for you to check out his ass up close and personal when standing next to him, his ass would have to be 30cm (1 ruler length) away from the top of his head (the one with the brain, ears, mouth etc).

Therefore his ass would have to be between his neck and shoulder blades!

He'd have to lie down to take a shit!!

Suavé said...

Your face on my ass Peas? Uhmm...okay. No comment

Jeez guys I'm not abnormally tall or anything. You probably wouldnt notice it until you stand right next to me.

See what you started now Buzz. HAHA ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...

This is hilarious.... he he

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - HAHAHA! Suave's ass lies about 30cm from his head, that is a pretty picture indeed! (A real little oil painting our Suavie is!)

Ok, you're right. So he's not THAT much taller than I. In fact if I wore my 4 inch heels, I may even be able to touch his head! :)

muddlepuddle said...

A little off the topic but not really that much F is for FORNICATE!??

Faces on Fanny's!!

Revolving Credit said...

Just back up there!
Do your 4inch heels really make you feel that sexy and confident so as to want to touch Suavy's head??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - 4 inch heels would make the Incredible Hulk feel sexy my friend.
I dig them. Lots. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Is the Incredible Hulk related to Shrek??

Peas on Toast said...

Yes. Brothers in fact. :)