F is for Fred, F is for fuck

Suave tagged me over the weekend. The game is to come up with a couple of words that begin with F. My IQ has dropped a couple of clicks thanks to copious Jagerbombs and such, and I’m feeling as creative as the brand managers of the Morkels Two Year Guarantee advert. So be warned.

Fuck. A word that gets a bad rap for being derogatory. It aptly describes the act of boofing, whilst being onamatopaeically describable at the same time. One cannot express themselves as fibually with a mere ‘flipping hell,’ or ‘Fudge. I crashed my car.’ Fuck should be introduced to primary school ejication.

Frisbee - a stupid plastic thing people throw on the beach. For fun. Fucking is fun. Frisbeeing is not.

Fibroid – the lump in my cahoona, which I thought might’ve been more serious.

Fist – when one screws one’s hand into a ball. Then punches someone, or uses it as a sexual tool with which to satisfy oneself.

Fuckwit – Paris Hilton, George W Bush, Captain James Hewitt.

Fucktard – As above, but even more retarded. Johnny Knoxville, Teletubbies, Slobadan Milosevic.

Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck – A string of simplistic yet effective profanities aimed at a higher being when things go wrong. Coined by Eric Cartman in Southpark.

Feline – a pet that isn’t a dog, makes me sneeze and and doesn't shed adoration all over me when I walk in the door.

Fish – of the familia ‘icthy,’ smells like something died. Reference to the poen.

Floater – After a greasy meal.

Filipino – a guy who lives in the Phillipines. (Or a guy who is travelling, but still lives in the Phillipines. And has a Philly passport.)

Flocculent – small, wooly flakes.

Fold – what you do when you’re getting fucked at a poker table.

Foible – habit that’s too cute to be annoying.

Frigging – fucking, but more juvenile.

Fibotsothicuracal – a word I made up. And intend to use. It means ‘one who is hung like a donkey.’

PS: The boys dared me to hit on a waiter at the Europa at La Lucia Mall over the weekend. I squeezed his bum and left him Moogs’ number. To which he smsed: “Hi. Thanks for coming to Europa. Next time I’ll give you the special. And let you feel my bum for longer.” See? It's easy to get ass if you put yourself out there. The quality of ass, however, cannot be accounted for.

PPS: I holed myself up last night, and boy it felt good. I had a bath and went to bed. I'm going to do this every night until I pull myself out of the black hole in which I find myself.