Friday, August 04, 2006

choice

I was having a conversation the other day surrounding the possibility of pure coincidence. Or is anything coincidental? Is it not a subliminal knowledge one already has, that guides us into meeting certain people? I’m not talking about fate or destiny – for that isn’t a choice. I’m talking purely of unconscious choice.

There are the usual examples that happen to everybody. Some of my mate’s parents or relatives were friends with my parents at school or varsity. Then I became friends with these people purely by chance. And the parental-ties realisation only dawned on everyone much later.
The scenarios below, however, are helluva more complex, far more intertwined:

My father had a girlfriend for three years at varsity. Jane. He reckons she broke his heart. That aside, they broke up and he started seeing my mother. My mother in the meantime has a cousin, Bridgette. Jane has a brother, George. Bridgette married George. Completely unrelated, George just happens to be Jane’s brother.
Then, in Std 7, a new girl called P was allocated into my boarding house. A year later, at a gala or something, my dad spotted Jane. After not seeing her for, say, twenty odd years. Jane is P’s mother. P is also friends with C, my lovely mate.
So although I don’t know P helluva well, I am connected to her in three ways: through my father’s relationship with her mother, my cousin marrying her uncle, and C.

There was a girl, Clarence, who was also in my boarding house at school. My mother pointed her out at school one day, and told me she dated her uncle, Daniel. On top of this, Clarence’s aunt and Daniel’s sister, Bronwyn, was my mother’s best friend. So essentially, my mother knew Clarence’s family pretty darn well. Bronwyn was a bridesmaid at my mum’s wedding, and she and Daniel remained friends after their break-up. Tragically, Bronwyn was killed by a car soon thereafter by trying to help someone out of a car wreck, and Daniel was killed on his farm in Zimbabwe a few years ago during one of the notorious Mugabe-related farm seizings.

I hadn’t seen Clarence since school until…I started dating her first cousin. Purely by coincidence. I didn’t know Clarence was his cousin. My mother made the connection of his and Clarence’s family only after we’d hooked up.

Bringing me to conclude: either the reason my friendship circle(s) are so intertwined is because my parents have unwittingly passed the habit onto me, generation onto generation.
More likely though, the kind of people my parents hung out with are the same kind of people that I have hung out with. We’re obviously more like our parents than we think. It can’t just be coincidence. We’re all drawn to the same people.

This alone scares me. I will henceforth analyse all of my parent’s friends and relatives with a fine tooth comb, because I sense, therein lies my husband somewhere.

That said, a husband is about as foreign to me as a hot day in Reykjav√≠k at present. Isn’t that great? I’ve settled into single life rather comfortably. The couch and I are best mates, and the TV remote nestles like a glove between my palm and thumb. I can watch My Name Is Earl without getting hassled, and I can wear a hessian sack to bed. Hell, I can drink wine in bed. In a tracksuit. Out of the bottle, if I so wish.
But on that note: I’m feeling the contentness of my laissez faire single lifestyle wearing thin. It’s hard to keep blissfully self-absorbed, excessively glad you’re not spooning someone when:
The Ant has a boyfriend.
Moogs has a girlfriend.
C has a sort-of boyfriend.
E has a boyfriend.
L has a boyfriend, who is Moogs.
Ex S I think has a girlfriend.
R has a girlfriend.
C2 has a boyfriend.

Us single people are an endangered species in the City of Hook-Ups And Have A Lot Of Sex. I am gradually being moulded into an outsider because everyone has someone.
This is just plain pants. There seems to be an incessant need for everyone around me to be attached. Why, God, why?

I’ve worked hard at being a happy recluse over the last couple months, and I am just about there. The acceptance of being Mad Single Aunty Peas at my family’s kid’s life events almost, almost, brings a smile to my face. (The actual chomper-showing grin is a work-in-progress.)
“Oh look. Mad Aunty Peas is at the whiskey again. And she bought all 32 of her cats with her to the family wedding as well.”

Fuck that. It won’t be cats. Watch as all the bambinos recoil in terror when I rock up with 32 iguanas. And I’ll probably wear blue eye-shadow.

Sex.
Don’t think I’m not reminded how much sex some of these people are having, like, all the fucking time.
Frightful shits.

72 comments:

Daytripper said...

mmmm, sex!

Billy said...

I too have a great dominace over my remote controls, even in a relationship, but they are useless when the powers off! Use gas to heat your mansions you ignorant f*ckers! The Norths meant to be the prime area, not the dark area!

Sorry Peas, needed to vent.

Buzzing'Fly said...

Peas its cause u from the midlands chica... everyone knows everyone thats related to someone that you know and will ever meet..he he

I have many friends that grew up in that region that im sure you will know or know someone thats is related to them.

but i do believe that these "coincidental encounters" are not coincidental at all, everything happens for a reason and that encounter has been predetermined to teach you something…

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - wipe that smug grin off your face.

Billy - you've come to the right venting page. I take it your electricity was down last night??
I have a solution: have lots of sex in the dark. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Buzzing - you may be right my friend. Cept these two examples aren't from the Midlands. Eastern Cape and Zululand. Close enough I suppose.

Daytripper said...

well I am off to OppiKoppi in a couple of hours wher I will know a fair proportion of the people there at this early date.. not through sex or marriage, but the shared stubbonress of supporting local rock music! LOL! And omigod is it going to be cold in the bushveld or what? i am taking TWO sleeping bags for gods sake!

Champagne Heathen said...

Peas, I also have many similar 'coincidental' stories involving my folks & who they know & I now know. It might be, as was discussed here the other day (was it here?), the six (sex) degrees of seperation, or rather in certain SA circles, 2 degrees of seperation.

Or it is just that our folks dated far too much back in the day. The dirty horny buggers!

Its the cold that's making you crave coupledom spooning & sex... survival tactic to stay warm. Hold out till Spring. I'm believing it is but 2 weeks away!

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - look out for The Ant, she's 90% sure she'll be there. :)
And yes, take all the underdoondies you can pile into a suitcase. And enjoy it!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - that's what Ant says. She reckons I'll get lucky in Spring.
And it must be a 2 degrees of separation thing.Thing is, I told Ant of all these stories and she says this has never happened to her. Perhaps it's because all her family/relative connections remain in Italy.
*Sigh.*

Daytripper said...

I think it must be a situational thing. ie: specific to your situation in life. Not only has what you described never really happened to me either (my family is from the UK) but I have finally ended up going out with someone I have been moving in the same circles with for fifteen years and NEVER meeting until this year!

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - the fact that your lovely chiquita has been on the periphery for 15 years is also coincidental or perhaps subliminal choice.

I did a rough mental calculation of all the people my folks know, that I know of at this stage. And I came to ony one conclusion: I'm fucked.
(Not literally, cos that would be nice.)

Retro_Girl said...

Hey Peas
I'm putting it down to the Midlands. Eveyrone does seem to know everyone here. I have a small extended family and am a city girl, so have never quite experienced all that...

Forgive the smugness, but cold weather + sex = amazing... I would say hold out til Spring, but in my previous singleness I get too horny in Springtime. We are animals afterall and I always feel like I'm in heat. Good luck, Peasypoo

Buzzing'Fly said...

i was just kidding lentil bout the midlands thing... ;)

What has happened to you has happened to me before, it was really odd because most of my family is dispersed around the world.

Friends knowing friends, moving in the same circles and never having met before. happens all the time, daily actually and in the strangest places...

Small world...

Buzzing'Fly said...

Retro - ;)

Spring = super horniness... too true

Peas on Toast said...

Retro - it must be a Midlands/Eastern Cape/Zululand thing. Small regions in other words. Eek.
Enjoy your sex in winter my friend. Please have lots and lots. For me. I'm dying over here.

Buzzing - For sure. Is the population shrinking I wonder?
And the lots-of-sex thing goes for you too. Have lots. For. Am dying here...

Third World Ant said...

Oy, sweetPea - lighten up a little! There is love (and more importantly, sex) lurking on the other side of winter for you, I can just feel it!

And - not all of us hooked up peeps are actually getting enough, phone sex is just not the same thing :)

We'll start combing your relatives' friendship circles for potential partners - let's keep it in the family, eh?

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - tell me, does the phone sex at least get you off?? Cos if not, I suggest Skype sex. Apparently it's better. ;)

You know what I think this all comes done to. Not having sex, I mean. Is pure unadulterated boredom. My days were full before, and if they weren't, well, I just banged my then-boyfriend. Now it's like:
"Oh no, not my vibrator again."

Bring on Spring. Please!

Antarctica Boy said...

Peas,

This is just too weird. As for 'the Single Life', hey remember there's us poor sods down here!

Peas on Toast said...

Fair enough Antarctica! How those penguins? ;)

Retro_Girl said...

Peas, believe me sweetie, at present I am having enough to cover you, me and anyone else in the blogosphere who isn't getting enough... EXCEPT... the boyf bought a PS2 yesterday. This could mean the end of an era.

Peas on Toast said...

Retro - oh dear my friend. PS2 spells trouble. You may have to resort to bribe tactics.
Hey I've done it before. :)

Third World Ant said...

Trouble ahead, Retro Girl! My boyfriend refers to his PS2 as his "other girlfriend" - and he's seeing a lot more of her than of me these days, in The Poenda.

Peas on Toast said...

Dude at least it's a PS2 and not vinyl companion eh? ;)

Retro_Girl said...

the saddest part is, he's not seeing how this can be detrimental to our relatioship, saying "Babes, I'll only play when you're not at my place"... al the while I'm thinking: yeah right! But I won't panic, I'll assess the situation and then decide on proper action from there ie. Peas' bribery technique ;)

Jam said...

I don't just think that this is a Midlands phenomenon. Two of my ex-flings had parents who were GOOD friends with my mom in varsity. I didn't know this until after I hooked up with them both.
I know being single can get frustrating, but keep looking at the perks until *that man* pitches up in your life and maks it worthwhile for you to lose your single status!

Jam said...

mmmm, sex!

peanut said...

Peas, funny you should say that as we were having a discussion the other day that a number of the lone singles in our circle have said they feel they need to get a guy or girl as they are becoming an endangered species.
Maybe it's just a life stage thing...?

Ja, and about not getting enough,,,hmmm. My guy has been so distracted by work lately that I am tempted to do something drastic...!!!AARG the frustration!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Retro - bribe tactics include:
1) I won't give you a blow job for eight weeks unless the PS2 is unplugged from the wall this instant;
2) I am going out. (Wear something that barely holds in your noombies)
3) See this? It's my new big, throbbing dildo.

Jam - see? I'm telling you, we're turning into our parents. (Eeeek)
I'm coming over there to wipe that smug smile off your face! Oh yes!

Peanut - you're going to laugh. I was thinking of you yesterday. Remember that story you helped me with? (Getting the right contacts and stuff?) Well I got the interview, and got a great story as well. If I do say so myself. The man I interviewed, I swear, wants my beefcake. I won't tell you who, obviously, but I'm sure a couple of names are going through your mind now. He's being amazingly friendly to the point of flirtatious.
So.
Yet, sex isn't imminent. Trust me.

Jam said...

Daytripper started it!
I like to think that I am understanding my parents finally so that I DON'T turn into them.
Neither of the flings lasted ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - enjoy the sex, my dear, you totally deserve it. :)

Yes, agreed. My parental-tie flings didn't last either. As neither did my parent's marraige. So at least we can learn something from their mistakes eh?

kyknoord said...

But celibacy’s great!!! You get to look all wired and haggard, so people think you’re an artist or something and they don’t get upset when you tell them to fuck off and eat their own anus... Sorry, what was I talking about again?

peanut said...

Peas, that is darn funny! If it is who i think it is, let's just say I'm sure he can meet all your fruit and veg requirements...!!! hee hee

Peas on Toast said...

kyknoord - ha ha! You're starting to sound more and more like me, you old fart! :)

Peanut - But we both know who owns the guava here. Tee hee. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

A few years back I decided to do a celibacy stint. No clue why, maybe try something I would never have dreamed of doing. But...for some reason, the news spread pretty fast in my friends' circles, and even random strangers would approach me in the Colony to ask if it was true. Never did I get more action and more people trying to get into my pants than during that celibacy stint.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - Perhaps I should try that. Hang a 'no-sex wanted here' sign around my neck and hit the Colony and see which drunk Rhodian, caned out of his skull bastard I can take home. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Well when you put it like that...suddenly it loses its appeal!

But yes, it is making the challenge for them simple & obvious. The lower your standards for the guy, the more obvious you need to make the challenge seem to them:
"Hi, I am celibate" - Excellent, I will be The Man if I score this chick!
"Hi, nice to meet you, chat chat chat" - Damn, this chick appears too complex for drunken slobering me to figure out. Let me move on.

Revolving Credit said...

With regards to the family/circle of friends thing - do you know anyone who's married to their cousin or who shagged their aunt or uncle??
This smacks of 'In-Breeders'
That's dangerous stuff, in that you're fucking with the gene pool.
Do you know anybody who plays the banjoe, a sure sign??

PS2 problem - easy
Options are
1) Play better than him so each time you're there and he wants to play, you join him and kick his ass. His ego probably won't take much of that.
2)'You can play with the PS2 joystick or I can play with yours - you choose?'

Peas on Toast said...

Lol Champs!

Well if I get just as ratfaced, who needs conversation right?
Me: Hi. I'm celibate.
Drunk guy: Cool. Let's graunch.
Me: Oh ok then. If you insist.

:)

Jam said...

Thanks Peas. Somehow I have no doubt that sex is somewhere on the horizon, close close by.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - luckily, and I've checked this, there have been no inter-familial shagging goings-on in my family.

However. Half my family stem from French aristocracy. Yes, I'm half-Royal, bow down now. :) And if the rumours are to be true, to keep the bloodlines pure - that side of the family used to regularly marry their cousins. But I think this stopped at my great grandmother.
Phew.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - should we take bets? Between you and The Ant thinking I may get laid by say, December, there is hope on the horizon!

Revolving Credit said...

Quote:'Me: Oh ok then. If you insist'

Me thinks the lady doth protest too little!
Ya got to make it more of a challenge - make him work for it honey!!

Champagne Heathen said...

Aaah Peas, you learn so fast! Now go forth & conquer...!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I like this male advice. You're right. How does this sound:
Me: Hi.
Drunk guy: Howzshit. Wanna have shex with me?
Me: No.
Drunk guy: You shuure?
Me: Yes.
Drunk guy: Shuure shuure?
Me: Tell you waht. Buy me dinner, and we can talk about it.

Then I'll probably graunch him. Or not.
Help. Champs, am I on the right track?

Revolving Credit said...

"Yes, I'm half-Royal, bow down now"

Here is the seed of your new pickup line!

"Yes, I'm half-Royal, go down now, peasant"

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev, that's the thing - if they are so drunk, all they hear is the word 'celibate' & that sticks with them. They don't realise till the next morning that you put up no protest after claiming you are celibate, and by then, you've completed your mission.

If, however, they are only on their 1st jug of John Deer, yes, perhaps add about 2 more lines of protest.

Peas on Toast said...

Lol!
YOu laugh Rev. But my great great great grandmother, a Bourbon, had her head chopped off in the revolution by a peasant.

Yeeowch.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - Yes. I like that. One jug of John Deer: Two lines of protest.
Two jugs of John Deer: No protest.
Three jugs of John Deer: Stand back to avoid projectile vomit.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ooo I don't know, I am kinda liking Rev's attempts at pick up lines!

You have to becareful with that one. Drunk men seem to instantly link the word "dinner" with "relationship". "If she is asking me that we enjoy a dinner together, she obviously is one of those desperate women in need of longterm relationships, and not a quick shag".

Perhaps rather use the word 'breakfast'.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha Ha! An excellent scale to go by there, Peas!!

Peas on Toast said...

Lol - Champs I used to be so good at this, fuck! I've lost my Fojo!

OK. Here's the deal. I will kiss someone if they put in the time. Time could mean they talk to me for more than two minutes.

Yikes. I'm scared.

Revolving Credit said...

Not quite what I meant by getting head from a peasant.

As for the drinking, 1 jug and the guys a bit liquored. But still make hime work.

2 jugs, don't bother as he may passout or not be able to get it up and you'd have wasted your time.

(Second option doesn't apply if you're more pissed that him.)

Nothing in life is really free - people don't appreciate free goods, but if they've had to work really hard for it, they tend to make the most of the experience.

Jam said...

Fine. So it's Friday. Go forth and do an experiment - how long DOES someone have to talk to you to get graunched?
How many dinners before breakfast is a reality?

Champagne Heathen said...

Ja, you need a few more requirements than just how long you speak to him. Unless of course you are implementing the beergoggles/desperation scale.

Does Dinner always need to come before Breakfast then?

Revolving Credit said...

Umm..it's Thursday!

Revolving Credit said...

Champs - as long as YOU cum before breakfast!

Champagne Heathen said...

Aah, Rev, you're always so good at reading my mind! (Or rather reading between my comments's lines).

Revolving Credit said...

I always like reading some porn mags!!....LOL

Jam said...

Good point Rev. Seems my brain has frozen over.
So that gives Peas one extra day to start performing the experiment in - that is, of course, if she has recovered from the flu.
How are you feeling Peas?

Revolving Credit said...

For those of you attempting to engage members of the opposite sex, this post is for you.

other-duke said...

wow, i think there are more comments on this blog than on Scott Adam's Dilbert Blog.. my head hurts from all this reading.

I am reminded of how single i am on a daily basis, now that D has basically moved in with flatmate G - and i can hear his bed squeaking over his music and my own. i'm going to start turning the volume up on the porn i'm watching and start calling out the pornstar's names in ecstacy!! see how they like that :)

Peas on Toast said...

Hey chaps
Sorry was in [very important] meeting. ;)

Yes, I'm not going to stick my tongue down anybody's throat unless they work for it at least a bit.
For me, it's more that way anyway. :)
Jam - not feeling helluva hot. Friday is around the corner, still no plans either, not with my delightful sight of a flu-filled face anyhow. This may all have to wait for next week. Bugger.

Shortypam said...

erm... iguanas sound gooode... i like iguanas, but peas ur so wonderful ul find a big Mr shoohoo who has a big bank balance and nice car who wont mind if u slug wine from the bottle in bed and would probably join u, (just look at me and S).. hehe the point is ur great wit a kick ass personality.. u just havnt found the right guy yet and when u do... well bushwacker 3000 will be out of business... hang in der... ur a smart girl, this is why i wuv u!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - *humbles* - you're too kind! :)

partygirljessica said...

I'm single, but it doesn't mean I don't have sex. Hell, I do get a lot of sex, especially since I started hooking up at webdate.

Peas on Toast said...

Partygil - I'm glad you get a lot of sex my dear. I'm helluva conservatice when it comes to bonking however. I've never had a one night stand, or had a fuck buddy.
So this is all new to me.

Champagne Heathen said...

That sounds like a product plug to me.
Whatever happened to good old "Drunk boy meets even more drunken girl in bar. They smile at each other. They slur a coupla lines to each other. He buys them both tequila. One hour later they're back at his place (condoms in place) having a GREAT neked time, while trying to recall the other's name". Aaahhhh, the good old days...

guppa said...

aah peas,

at least you have 3rd world ant to hook up with and snog ect, or you guys stopped doing that?
if ever want to write a post describing it in detail- please do, feel free, don't hold back- we don't mind

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - those good old days haven't hit me yet mate..

Guppa, my dear: it was all in the neam of fun last week. But if it ever happened again, I'll be sure to give you all the slobbery details, promise. :)

peanut said...

peasey, can i just remind you quick of what you said there: "I'm helluva conservative when it comes to bonking, however."
(!)
Well, I suppose conservativeness (if that is even a word) is in the eye of the beholder...

Peas on Toast said...

Fair enough - that came out wrong.
I have only had sex with boyfriends, put it that way.
However, let's not disembark from the fact that I am willing to try almost anything sex has to offer there on out.
:)

jam said...

methinks you need a fucking good friend.