Tuesday, August 22, 2006

end of the week antics

OK hilarious. Friday: what goes on snogathon tour stays on snogathon tour. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Can’t remember anything anyway, except for bouncing on Ramone Allones shoulders - all 6 foot 6 of him, plus my 5 foot 8, bouncing on his shoulders like a rag doll, dodgy. Squeaked a lot of deplorable shoe.

Right. Saturday, random. But funny. The Ant and I went to a YSL girls’ boozy tea party at the Westcliff Hotel for high tea. Our side of the table was definitely the loudest. Free champagne and stuff, and ate everybody else’s cucumber sandwiches. (Let it be known, we have a healthy appetite, and some people don’t care much for that, so we munched them anyway.)

Drank champers and Jameson and wanted to have sex with middle-aged man from Brazil on business, but he had to catch a plane. I met him on the ride up to the Polo Lounge on the top of the hill. Paunchy and 45 plus, but so sexy I really, really, really had an unnatainable attraction towards the fellow. I don’t even look at men over 50, but this guy was so suave, so debonair, I would’ve shtoinked him rotten had he not had to catch the next flight to Rio de Janeiro. One tends to look for sex in the strangest places when one is always on fire due to one's new-found virginism.

Anyway, we got drunk, and The Ant headed to a braai and I headed… to a mate’s place where I operated a power drill, played a piano and divulged in a drunken game of 30 Seconds. Broken Foot Guy from ice skating two weekends ago was there, now sporting a Bionic Boot. Afterwards, went home and crashed. Even turned down a Colony night. Thank fuck.

Sunday was pretty funny. C, N, The Ant and a couple of other punters headed to the Inanda Polo. Sure we watched horses, but not really, let's be honest. A bee stung me on my knee (What's UP with that? Bee's stinging me the whole time?) And we also drank champagne with Ramone Allones, and squashed divots back into the lawn, spilled wine everywhere, that sort of thing.

N has created a monster by introducing me to Essex accents, which we spoke in for quite the most part of the afternoon. When I find an accent I like, I don't stop, especially when not sober. I’ve done Australian, Spanish, Corne & Twakkie, Russian, and now Essex England is in the mix.
“My bruvver, muvver, farver and I are going to Ibeefa to take X, because we aren’t bovvered, and we need a breaver."
Gad.
N started it, because she worked with a chick who ‘needed her teef whitened’ at work. Again, Gad.
Everyone went home, but C and I, who hadn't had quite enough, so we headed to the polo afterparty with some cahorts. Got massively hammered. Last night. The Sabbath. It was bigger than Friday for heaven's sake. Shite, and is my head a-pounding at the minute or what. We both came right, and it was cool, because the people we came right with are mates-cum-previous snogs. Bless. The coppers stopped us outside my flat, but we managed to sweet talk them out of thinking we'd done anything wrong. Hectic.

Anyway. Fuck. Today is going to be a ball ache, good God. C has already smsed to inform me she won't be going into work.

43 comments:

other-duke said...

don't you just hate that, when your partner in crime ends up sleeping the day away while you needed a stick of dynamite to get out of bed, are on your third cup of coffee before 9am and you boss has chosen THIS monday morning to dump urgent work on your desk!! WOW.. freaky, as i typed that my boss just asked me to complete a tended document that he told the client we'd done already, and i haven't started. AAArggh!

Choosy said...

Turned. Down. Colony. I don't understand...that sentence makes no logical sense to me... :-P

And HOW much fun is the Essex accent? Am I bovvered? Ask me if I'm bovvered, cos I ain't. We used the rip the piss out of those Essex chavs when I lived in London. Fake Burberry clad benefit cheats is what they is. Aiiiight.

Billy said...

Sympathies on the hangover!

I got my first pink ticket post baby's birth and tore the arse out of it on saturday night. I stupidly checked what my new cars capabilities are at 2am hammered. Audi Quattro really does save lives. I sincerely hope there are no permanant speed speed camera's on the N1 from Rivonia to Hans Strydom. Stupid!

I have bed sores from yesterdays marathon couch session and still feel a tad slow...

Jam said...

Come now Peas - tell us just a little bitty more about the snogathon...
Condolences for the pounding head.

Suavé said...

Yeah Peas, spill it!!

I got mine. Did you get yours? ;)

kyknoord said...

Ouch. Now my head is throbbing in sympathy. You do have a way with words.

Shortypam said...

peas i see nothing her bout the snoggathon, come on spill them beans!!! did my tips work???

J.M trading as Joey Miller said...

Everything matters.

J.M said...

What was the highlight and lowlight of your weekend Shorty? You been quiet :*

Peas on Toast said...

Other-duke - shame C really is ill. I've got pounding head, she must've picked up a bug somewhere. ;) Good luck on the client work doll face!

Choosy -Turned. Down. The. Colony. For real. You have the Essex accent down pat -isn't it so great? Lovving it, and I is not bovvered.

Billy - did you just say Audi Quattro?? Wonderful!

Jam - I've gone and left my memory behind on the floor of the Mandog Jam. When I retrieve it, I'll let you know. :)

Suave - wahaha! Now that would be telling!

Kyk - thanks Kyk, sympathy hangovers are the worst! ;)

Shorty - your tips worked my friend, just not sure if I executed them or not. :)

JM - It does. Or does it? My head, she pounds. ;)

Tyler said...

EXACTLY! What goes on tour! YAAAY! An unintentional plug, but I'll claim it :)

3rm said...

yeah peas. come on. tell everyone bout the snogathon. it's a littel late for discretion now...

Peas on Toast said...

Tyler - cunning, subliminal marketing eh? ;)

3RM - It's never too late for discretion, Vasco.

Shortypam said...

hey JM, my weekend was erm.. eventful. my boyfriend and i visited our "Shag spot" this weekend and er.. it became pretty clear to us that we had some spectators watchin us boof in the backseat of his car... i think the fact that about 10 or so of them surrounded our car made it pretty clear to us that we were not alone... havnt blogged it yet cos im frantically trying to beat me deadline 4 my assignment, but ill post it later on my blog, :-)

Anonymous said...

If what goes on tour stays on tour applied, Peas, you would never have anything to write about.

Peas, I would like to comment on the fact that I saw a clear LACK of snogathon action on the D Floor at the Hat.

Anon69 (for future reference!)

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - boofing in the backseat of your car. Your lucky bugger. :)

Anon - Well now, you'd HAVE to have me confused with somebody else. ;)

Shortypam said...

i know, and it was good, i think my ecstacy filled screams are what attracted the freaks to our car in the first place... honestly man out of no where they all surrounded our car clearly enjoying themselves... it was an empty cul-de-sac goddammit!!! where did they come from???

Suavé said...

Playing your cards close to your chest innit? Aight, I personally think that you did get some but you don't want to say. Cause if you didnt then you would have long ago said so. Ah well...slowly but surely it will all be revealed. HAHA!

Anonymous said...

JM- it is the little things that count. Oh gaaad.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I spotted you when you came up for air!

Anon69

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - don't worry mate. I've had campus control at UCT shine a torch into our offending car and tell us to please stop boofing next to the tennis club. Ulp.

Suave - Don't you love it - I'm possibly for the first time ever exuding an air of mystery surrounding my snogs! He he he. :)

Anon - or maybe you didn't spot me at all? ;)

Don said...

Hangovers.
Suck.
Balls.

The day after Women's Day was a particularly ball-sucking event.

Revolving Credit said...

Forget the snogathon for now, I'm sure either TWA or Ramone A will provide more detail.

However, please elaborate on the prospective offering of your recently revitalised virginity to the middle-aged Brazilian.

Did you offer to show the Brazilian your brazilian??

LOL

Peas on Toast said...

Don - you can say that again. And after your hilarious post about the Mandog last week, I listened very carefully to all the "I'm gonna more you" conversations around me. Unfortunately I can't remember if I actually heard them myself...

Rev - It was odd. If we were alone - in the car up the hill that is - (The Ant and some rotund Parisian was also on the trip), I would've asked him to boof me. Even on the way to the airport to catch his plane to Rio.
I don't know what's wrong with me: I am looking at everything, including my dining room suite, as a potential lay. Must be cos it's Spring...right?

Shortypam said...

anon, the next time those freaks do that il charge them R50 a look. you cannot expect to watch if u aint gonna pay...

Anonymous said...

Shorty, are you short?

Champagne Heathen said...

So let's start with the basics of Friday night's deducable (sp?) events:

Even if you did snog someone/some ten, you definitely did not do anymore than snog them, otherwise humping of furniture would be far off your mind.
=No sex this w.end.

If you did not snog anyone, you would have stated outright that you did not.
=you did snog.

Before making further deductions can I ask 2 questions:

Was there a winner to the snogathon?
And if so, how many people did that person who-you-do-not-have-to-name snog?

(Like 20 questions here, really)

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - wahahaha!

Because you made such an awesome analysis, it's only fair who I said who won the snoggathon really.
And that person wasn't me. :)

I'm thinking the numbers aren't important though. Mainly because again, we're not so certain ourselves. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

I'll have to come back with my further 18 questions after lunch, so I can ensure they are precise and all. But I did just want to say that all of this reminds me of my Std 8. Kenton New Years - called "cricket" back then. I was always so impressed the guys were all so willing to help us up our "run rate". Makes me ill just remembering it!

Anonymous said...

JM- answer this for me: How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask what action I got. How about that? Would that be money?

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - that's exactly it. Frightening. C and I are 25 years old and we're currently living the life of someone who is 16. How scary is that?

Anon - are you talking about me dorkface?
I'd never give my number to an Anonymous. How could I when he's invisible??

Shortypam said...

anaon, well yes honey i am quite short... hence the name "shortypam"

J.M said...

Anon - Hmm intersting vibe? Are you male or female? Is that from a movie or a song?

Peas - What you wearing today?

Shorty - How short is short Pam?

Champaign - Aaaah Kenton, Im feeling all nostalgic now..

Choosy said...

Peas, there's a Brazilian guy in my office. He would seriously get it too. In the worst way. Everywhere.

My friend just told me that I'm just like my office email server: we both love going down.

Comedy gold he is not.

Revolving Credit said...

Anon - r u having a conversation with Joey? If so get his email address or get him to start a blog of his own. You 2 are having a dialogue completely out of context with the rest of the discussion. I think this may amount to hijacking.

Peas, I'll assume that you got no action this weekend or if you did, you battling average was abysmal compared to the winner of the snogathon. This would also explainn the clutching at Brazilian straws..ha,ha,ha.

Looks like the bee sting is the closest your got to being poked this weekend.

Best you start planning your comeback tour for next weekend. This time you should take no prisoners and try to stay sober enough tp recall events that may transpire.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ah, Peas, never a worry to act young every once in a while (even if that while is every 5 days). It's good for the joints and all!

Oh gawd, J.M., you've been in Kenton...knowing Kenton, we've probably snogged then. (Like my name adaption there!)

Shortypam said...

short as in Im almost 20 and i am 1.45 metres about two heads shorter that Kylie minogue... im taller than most 10 year olds though :-)

Anonymous said...

Peas- could be you if you if: you are a brunette; have some issues and frequent Colony but I've never seen you so I'll never know.

Peas on Toast said...

JM - After dragging myself out of bed, and finding the first thing I could grab, I am wearing jeans and a white shirt thingie. Sorry. Not kinky at all.

Choosy - love it! My server's always going down, and I'm willing to go down with it, anytime, anywhere. :) Aren't Brazilians incredible?

Rev - wahahahaha - I plead the fifth. ;)
Wahahaha though. :) And wahaha more, especially since I got poked by a bee.

Anon - There're lots of brunettes, with ample issues, who frequent the Colon on a regular basis. I'm just one of those people mate.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas - the fact that you don't appear to be wearing underwear could be construed as kinky!
(or did you just neglect to mention that detail)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - underwear?? Oh shit! I knew something felt different. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Well hopefully the denim doesn't give you too much of a rough ride..LOL

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha, cheeky! :)