Movie scenes I can watch over and over and over again.

Austin Powers’ Goldmember:

Dr Evil Around his boardroom table, pinkie poised at the corner of his mouth: There are two things I hate in this world…and one is nuclear warfare.

Pause.

Number Two:…And?
Dr Evil: Huh?
Number Two: You said there were two things you hated, sir. And you only said one.
Dr Evil: Huh?

Pause.

Dr Evil: What?….Huh?

As Good As It Gets

Gay neighbour (Cuba Gooding Jr) After irate knocking down of Melvin Udall’s door: Where is Simon’s dog Mr Udall! You put him down the chute didn’t you! Open up right now!
Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) finally opens door: Hello. Let’s get one thing straight. Even if you hear a thud in the middle of the night, and three days later what can only be the smell of a decaying human body, which is so bad you have to hold a hanky on your nose, don't come knocking. Or if one of your fudgep@cker friends has just been elected President, and he's having you all down to Camp David for the weekend for a little celebration, and you wanna spread the news...don't come knocking. Ever. Not on THIS door.

As Good As It Gets

Cleaning lady: Please check to see if Simon’s alright after his accident. Open the curtains so he can see God’s wonderful creation everyday.
Melvin Udall: Where'd you learn to talk like that? Some Panama City-sailor-wanna hump hump bar, or is this getaway day for a last shot of his whisky? Go sell crazy someplace else; we're all stocked up here.

Black Adder’s ‘Money’ episode:

Black Adder: So Baldrick. I have two beans. I add another two. How many do I have now?
Baldrick: Some beans.
Black Adder: uh…no. Think about this carefully Baldrick. The ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this.

Black Adder ‘Chains’ episode

(Ding Dong)
Black Adder: Baldrick get the door.
(He fetches the door, and walks into the room with it.)
Black Adder: Baldrick. Make this explanation quick, or I’m going to sack you.
Baldrick: You told me to get the…
Black Adder: Too long. You’re fired.
Baldrick: But m’Lord, I’ve been in your family since 1534!
Black Adder: So has syphilis.

Southpark’s Parental Revenge episode:

Boys all stand and wait for bus to school. Then Tommy, a crippled, mentally-challenged student joins the queue.

Kyle: Oh look, someone left a marijuana cigarette here.
Stan: Don’t touch it! My parents say that if you do drugs, you’ll die.
Eric Cartman: Oh please.

Pause.

Tommy: I did ecstasy once….(drooling, squint eyes). Me and my girlfriend stayed up the whole night…having sex.
Stan: Where’d you have sex with her?
Tommy: In her…vagina.

Southpark The Movie
Mr Garrison: OK children, let’s start the day with a few new math problems. What is 5 times 2?…C’mon children don’t be shy. Clive?
Clive: 12?
Mr Garrison: Ok let’s get an answer from someone whose not a complete retard. Anyone?
Kyle: I think I know the answer Mr Garrison.
Eric Cartman: meeememememememememee Mr Garrison.
Kyle: Shut up Fat Boy.
Eric Cartman: Alright fucking don’t call me fat Jew!
Mr Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the f-word?
Eric Cartman: Jew?
Stan: You can’t say fuck in school you fucking Fat Ass.
Mr Garrison: Stanley!
Eric: Why the fuck not?
Mr Garrison: Eric!!
Kenny: hmmfuckmph.
Mr Garrison: Kenny!
Eric: It doesn’t hurt anybody! See? Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
Mr Garrison: Eric! How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Eric: How would you like to suck my balls?
(Whole class gasps)
Mr Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Eric: I’m sorry, I’m sorry…actually…what I said was: (pulls out megaphone) HOW..WOULD..YOU..LIKE…TO…SUCK..MY…BALLS. Mr Garrison?
Stan: Holy shit dude.

PS: I may not have salmonella, but something funky is going on in my large intestine.

PPS: Have Women’s Day tomorrow. Dry your eyes, men. We have to put up with cramps, PMS, childbirth, a long hard battle to get the vote, lower salaries, looking pretty the whole time. Let us have our moment. Please.