Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Movie scenes I can watch over and over and over again.

Austin Powers’ Goldmember:

Dr Evil Around his boardroom table, pinkie poised at the corner of his mouth: There are two things I hate in this world…and one is nuclear warfare.

Pause.

Number Two:…And?
Dr Evil: Huh?
Number Two: You said there were two things you hated, sir. And you only said one.
Dr Evil: Huh?

Pause.

Dr Evil: What?….Huh?

As Good As It Gets

Gay neighbour (Cuba Gooding Jr) After irate knocking down of Melvin Udall’s door: Where is Simon’s dog Mr Udall! You put him down the chute didn’t you! Open up right now!
Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) finally opens door: Hello. Let’s get one thing straight. Even if you hear a thud in the middle of the night, and three days later what can only be the smell of a decaying human body, which is so bad you have to hold a hanky on your nose, don't come knocking. Or if one of your fudgep@cker friends has just been elected President, and he's having you all down to Camp David for the weekend for a little celebration, and you wanna spread the news...don't come knocking. Ever. Not on THIS door.

As Good As It Gets

Cleaning lady: Please check to see if Simon’s alright after his accident. Open the curtains so he can see God’s wonderful creation everyday.
Melvin Udall: Where'd you learn to talk like that? Some Panama City-sailor-wanna hump hump bar, or is this getaway day for a last shot of his whisky? Go sell crazy someplace else; we're all stocked up here.

Black Adder’s ‘Money’ episode:

Black Adder: So Baldrick. I have two beans. I add another two. How many do I have now?
Baldrick: Some beans.
Black Adder: uh…no. Think about this carefully Baldrick. The ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this.

Black Adder ‘Chains’ episode

(Ding Dong)
Black Adder: Baldrick get the door.
(He fetches the door, and walks into the room with it.)
Black Adder: Baldrick. Make this explanation quick, or I’m going to sack you.
Baldrick: You told me to get the…
Black Adder: Too long. You’re fired.
Baldrick: But m’Lord, I’ve been in your family since 1534!
Black Adder: So has syphilis.

Southpark’s Parental Revenge episode:

Boys all stand and wait for bus to school. Then Tommy, a crippled, mentally-challenged student joins the queue.

Kyle: Oh look, someone left a marijuana cigarette here.
Stan: Don’t touch it! My parents say that if you do drugs, you’ll die.
Eric Cartman: Oh please.

Pause.

Tommy: I did ecstasy once….(drooling, squint eyes). Me and my girlfriend stayed up the whole night…having sex.
Stan: Where’d you have sex with her?
Tommy: In her…vagina.

Southpark The Movie
Mr Garrison: OK children, let’s start the day with a few new math problems. What is 5 times 2?…C’mon children don’t be shy. Clive?
Clive: 12?
Mr Garrison: Ok let’s get an answer from someone whose not a complete retard. Anyone?
Kyle: I think I know the answer Mr Garrison.
Eric Cartman: meeememememememememee Mr Garrison.
Kyle: Shut up Fat Boy.
Eric Cartman: Alright fucking don’t call me fat Jew!
Mr Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the f-word?
Eric Cartman: Jew?
Stan: You can’t say fuck in school you fucking Fat Ass.
Mr Garrison: Stanley!
Eric: Why the fuck not?
Mr Garrison: Eric!!
Kenny: hmmfuckmph.
Mr Garrison: Kenny!
Eric: It doesn’t hurt anybody! See? Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
Mr Garrison: Eric! How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Eric: How would you like to suck my balls?
(Whole class gasps)
Mr Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Eric: I’m sorry, I’m sorry…actually…what I said was: (pulls out megaphone) HOW..WOULD..YOU..LIKE…TO…SUCK..MY…BALLS. Mr Garrison?
Stan: Holy shit dude.

PS: I may not have salmonella, but something funky is going on in my large intestine.

PPS: Have Women’s Day tomorrow. Dry your eyes, men. We have to put up with cramps, PMS, childbirth, a long hard battle to get the vote, lower salaries, looking pretty the whole time. Let us have our moment. Please.

28 comments:

capdog said...

I'm pretty sure Tommy is not a character in South Park. Timmy is the kid in the wheelchair, but all he can say is "TIMMY!" so it's not him.

Could you be talking about Jimmy, the kid with crutches who stutters, but still manages to win stand-up comedy competitions?

capdog said...

Th...Thank you! W..Wh..Wha...What a w..w..wonderful audience!

Peas on Toast said...

Oh shiza, you may be right! I think I've made an ultimate faux pas - it's Jimmy, not Tommy!

It's the salmonella. I can like to blame it.
;)

Peas on Toast said...

"Th...Thank you! W..Wh..Wha...What a w..w..wonderful audience!"

Fucking perfect! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

capdog said...

Hehe.. I love that show.

Peas, check out Monkey Dust, my all time favorite cartoon ahead of anything else (better than South P, Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, etc.)

It's twisted, brilliant, dark and unforgetable. It's got the cynical British humor with amazing animation.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0002CH914/sr=8-2/qid=1155032232/ref=sr_1_2/026-6072727-9157247?ie=UTF8&s=gateway

Season 2 & 3 are actually the best, but they aren't available on DVD. I had to download them over bittorrent. You won't regret it! ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Awesome Capdog, thanks guy. Will definitely take a look! :)

Revolving Credit said...

So have you seen any "Tripping the Rift"?

Peas on Toast said...

No Rev, can't say I have?

kyknoord said...

Seeing as it's woman's day tomorrow, I'm going to re-watch the "...you have a WOMAN'S hand..." scene from Blackadder's sea adventure.

Revolving Credit said...

If you've got some bandwidth, try this
http://download.pocketmovies.net/movies/3d/tripping.mpg

Peas on Toast said...

Kyknoord! That's a CLASSIC - "You have a woman's hand...and a woman's leg!"

Rev - I'll give it s shot, definitely. Thanks guy.

Revolving Credit said...

else you can read the`bio
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tripping_the_Rift

Peas on Toast said...

Excellent - this day is dragging something epic, I could do with something to read...

Revolving Credit said...

So, did you manage to read it?
This series was on Action x for a while and was really funny.

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Rev, I've saved the file on my desktop, and will probably get to it in about 7,23 minutes. I'm starting to feel guilty because I haven't finished my [bloody] feature. But as soon as I have, it's the first thing on my list.
xx

Shortypam said...

man that was funny, i love south park, they can go on 4 ever... peas, happy womens day, its gonna be a hoot!!!

JamesW said...

I dig that scene in austin powers, where he tries to u turn in a golf cart in a tight corridor.

totally cooked said...

just as a by the by ... Cool Runnings in Melville once again stocks creme soda and has plenty of mainstay ... but have you tried stroh rum and creme soda - tastes like rum and raisin ice cream!! should you wish to visit melville again we are open tomorrow and you are MORE than welcome to throw names and create an absolute ruckus - we love it

JamesW said...

...and in Happy Gilmore, when he tries his first putt

Peas on Toast said...

Shortypam - Happy Women's Day too my dear, have a blast! x

Jimmy - hilarious! I forgot to mention such a huge part of Black Adder: the Queen. The bloody Queen is hysterical.
"Edmund...I'm going to chop your block off. Lord Melchie here thinks it's a good idea."

Totally cooked - why thank you dear. Cane and creme soda somewhere other than the Colony - flipping fantastic! I'll bring my messiest mates along for the ride! :)

totally cooked said...

good girl! behave badly - it's your right on womans day!!

Brandon said...

Since we're talking Blackadder, have to mention the Lord Flashheart scene:

"Queenie! Am I pleased to see you or is this a CANOE in my pocket!??"

"She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she loves the taste of MAN'S tonsils!!!"

Tamaryn said...

Happy Women's Day Peas.....hope you got way outta hand with your messiest mates...

capdog said...

I checked out that "Tripping The Rift", it's pretty cool but kinda slapstick. Enjoyed it, wouldn't mind getting some more if I could find the DVD's somewhere. It's got nothing on Monkey Dust though.. :)

Christopher said...

Funny I was made to listen to that 'suck my balls' south park exchange only yesterday. I think the world may be telling me something.

Nice quotes.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks chaps!

:)

other-duke said...

...tImMy...

Aquila said...

couple of nice movies there....