Wednesday, August 09, 2006


I’m waiting for it.

12 hours and 28 minutes.

I made wraps for dinner last night. Drizzled and drowned in chilli salsa, smothered in cheese, and stuffed with chicken strips.

It’s not the chilli salsa that is the issue here. It’s that my stomach is directly proportional to that of a cast iron pot. What I ate last night can probably be related to, by some shrink circles, self-destructive behaviour.

I ate chicken that might’ve had salmonella in it.

I’m waiting for the shits. Basically. And/or death by shits.

I bought the chicken breasts on 2 August. The sticker on the top said it should be sold by the 3 August. It didn’t have an ‘eat by’ date, but I swallowed the breasts last night, 7 August. Raw chicken never smells sensational, let’s face it, however I smelt the breasts quite thoroughly, before tossing them in the pan.
I cooked them for an extra 2 minutes, and then devoured them with a whole lot of other shite on top of them, wrapped in a tortilla.

The salmonella was hidden beneath the fine pastry of a tortilla.

I ate, knowing these breasts could kill me. And yet, like how we experiment with drugs, I still wait to see if anything will happen.

Twelve hours 34 minutes. I have a headache. Or do I? I don’t know if I do…ok now I do. I think. Fuck. Can also smell salsa. I think. Fuck.

Food poisoning isn’t nice, and I’m going to be one sorry bitch if I pass my spleen this morning. Or during lunch, or whenever the salmonella starts eating away at my small intestine.

It’s amazing I didn’t wake up to a nauseam delirium last night, as pink elephants grew out of my walls, and I sweated out every nano-millilitre of water my body has ever capacitated.

Last time I had food poisoning, I got lockjaw and I couldn’t move my burning muscles and joints. And my head was in a bucket for two days. I was living in the States, and Ex S warned me not to chow the leftover 3-day old Rice-a-Roni in the fridge.
But I did. Of course.
And the only medication I could afford was Pepto Bismol. Liquid Eno basically.

12 hours 45 minutes.


Anonymous said...

Hey queen pea...

In my humble experience, if its slimy dont eat it:).

Peas on Toast said...

Oh dear. They were kind of slimy - but I figured it's just because they'd been sitting in fridge precipitation for a couple of days...they weren't slimy slimy though, just sort of slimy.

Now I'm just confused.

Shortypam said...

well hopefully the wraps tasted good and it would now be all worth it. how bout this, if u start havin the shits, drink lota liquids to re-hydrate yourself and if u have the er... pukes??? then just eat bread, no filling, no butter, jus bread... that should stop u from up-chucking!!!!
Man, i shouldv bee a doctor!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Shorty!

I'm not sure whether I'm imagining this, perhaps I'm a flaming hypochondriac, but my stomach has that the shits feeling, I have a headache and I'm starting to feel pukey.

Oh crap.

Anonymous said...

Queen pea

Yuk, any kind of slime is just not cool.

So any good ideas for a sunny, fun place to go for lunch tomorrow?

Peas on Toast said...

Well, a mate and I are going for a drive out to 'the country.' I presume tea and scones in Muldersdrift somewhere.
Otherwise, I'm pretty certain the coffeeshops of Melville and Parkhurst will be a popular option.

But let's be honest here. All of us will probably be nursing killer hangovers tomorrow, and the last thing we'll want to do is eat cream cakes and drink tea in a public area. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Of course your stomach is're stressing enough to give yourself an ulcer! You're an African, your body can take a lot more than plain old salmonella!

A recommendation for tomorrow: Picnic at Emmerentia with Fournos food, or Moyo's Zoo Lake, or coming past my office to give me Woolies R15 salad.

Peas on Toast said...

You're right Champs. I'm a ridiculous hypochondriac. :)

You have to work tomorrow you poor thing? Why??

Anonymous said...

Queen pea

Just read this and thought it is a wonderful quote. "An invasion of armies can be resisted but never an idea whose time has come" Victor Hugo

Must admit the country sounds wonderful let’s hope the weather is sunny. Just need a field of sunflowers to run through:)

Champagne Heathen said...

Because I blog too much in the day to keep up with a real job! I always BELIEVE I will make it to the office for a few hours on the weekend or public holidays to catch up. More than likely you will find me in the Botanical Gardens tomorrow, nursing a hangover by dousing it with chilled wine.

So don't stress too much...well, stress about me at least. Hypochondria is 1 of my favourite "disorders"/personality quirks really, so revel in it!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ah yes, sunflowers to run through!
Perhaps a trip to the Free State is in order?

Champs - I get you on the blogging thing. Totally do. :) Either way, take a lunchbreak at Emmarentia, then....don't return to the office. Pretend you forgot that you had an office. ;)

Antoine said...

The best part about food poisening is you will always know what it is. (In the jungle, food is subjected to lovely unhygenic conditions). This is mainly due to the fact that food poisening bugs in the main will multiply and overwelm your tum tum in around 4 hours.

12 hours after the fact - you safe.

The fact that you cooked it well and it did not taste like game shot in a pig pen last month, means you will not be subjected to a weight loss program.

Self destructiveness aside :)

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine, yay! So I'm in the clear?? Fantastic news! Now I can go out tonight on the piss without having to worry bowel movements.

Thanks guy!

Phil said...

PEAS. Please dont let the chicken kill ya before I have even had a chance to woo ya.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Phil, bless! :)

You've helped me conquer my Big Fat Loser's Syndrome today, if anything m'dear. :)

kyknoord said...

As Antoine says, if you've lasted this long, you'll probably be okay. Try not to let the disappointment get to you :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Lol Kykie!

I'll try again tonight, armed with a bottle of tequila. :)

Jam said...

Hiya Peas.
Oh dear... perhaps it's time to try laxatives. ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Hiya Jam!

You can get little chocolately tasting laxative pebbles, or so I hear?

See you at Goldfish tonight btw!

Jam said...

I will be dancing my divorcee ass off.
The idea with the laxatives is to get rid of the offending item in your stomach as quickly as possible. Did you say chocolate?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam, I read your post. Lots of drinks in order tonight dollface!

I fear I may not need laxatives my dear. Please don't make me explain [in detail] why! *blush*.

Jam said...

Well then stay well away from the imodium....

Peas on Toast said...

ha ha, will do!

bobajob said...

you been hanging on N24 again MPOT?

bobajob said...,,2-1630-1647_1979851,00.html

Peas on Toast said...

Bobajob - good piece of writing there. Luckily, I'm not going on a first date tonight.

Champagne Heathen said...

Damn, Peas, definitely working tomomorrow! And it is going to go even slower than usual with an all mighty headache!

Enjoy your Women's Day!

other-duke said...

well writen, very funny

a bucket on your head... like a dog so you couldn't scratch a healing wound? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Thnaks O-D.

Well I was pretty much face down in a bucket. It was pretty fucking awful. :)
Like a dog yes. :)

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