Friday, September 01, 2006

stop the clocks

September is my birthday month. I have looked forward to every birthday up until now. Usually I have a whopper of a party every year, and have one dickens of a time celebrating that I am a year older and continue to have achieved minimally between now and my last birthday.

But I’m not much in the mood for celebration. In fact, I just want to forget the whole affair altogether. Completely. Dreading. It. Am a trifle depressed about this whole birthday thing. Because I’m not sure who’d remember it besides my lovely parents; and I’m turning 26, meaning I’m closer to 30 than 21.

In a display of sheer coincidence, The Ant blogged today about how depressed she is about her birthday too. She always gets antsy about it, however.

On top of it, Virgos were clearly born at the worst part of the year. For the last three months, my stupid horoscope has been nothing short of disastrous. Virgos have basically had a run of shite since May. And birthday month or not, it’s not getting any better.

Instead of “You will feel happier on the 4th, money will come your way, you look ravishing,” Virgos are getting: “July is a terrible month for you. You might as well hibernate.” Maybe August will be better? Oh no, the fucking planetary constellations aren't quite done dishing out disappointment after disappointment to poor, unassuming Virgo.
“August, you’ll be inundated with work, but not necessarily be paid for it.” September? “You’re being victimised. As a result you become a wallflower and you look like shit."

Meanwhile, Libra seems to be all fun and games. As is Taurus.
“You have a packed social diary, everyone loves you, your admirers are endless and the dough is rolling in. Your sexual charisma is almost tangible.”

Christ, are you kidding me???

Virgos have been given the raw end of the deal this year, and I’ve had quite enough.

On top of celestial disaster, getting old, and fearing that no one will remember my birthday this year, September strikes again. It's going to be one dickens of an expensive month.

To do and buy this month:
1 x new electric car window
1 x new car license disc
1 x laboratory bill
1 x haircut
1 x half a birthday get together, shared with The Ant. (We’re merging this year – our birthdays are two weeks apart. At least we’re sharing, then we can pretend it’s just her birthday, not mine.)

Then if I have any moolah left whatsoever:
1 x summer heels
1 x white pants (the other pair falls off these days.)
1 x hot go-out shirt
1 x hamster

PS: In case you were wondering about the hamster:

To: thirdworldant@theant.com
From: peasontoast@gmail.com

Hi
Can we get a cat doll face? I'm settling in for spinsterhood, and perhaps it'll be easier if I have a furry creature with which to share it. It's not because I WANT a boyfriend. I really, really don't. I just want something I can squeeze every now and then. Do you hate cats?

To: peasontoast@gamil.com
From: thridworldant@theant.com

No. Absolutely not. I am allergic and yes I hate cats. You hate cats too. So no. It’s a downhill slide from here if you get one. You’ll never get laid again.

See? So that's why I'm going to buy a hamster. And a supersonic cage that has all those tunnel thingies attached to it.

45 comments:

kyknoord said...

"It's going to be one dickens of an expensive month..." Dickens??? Bwahahahahah! That is quaintly hilarious. You really are taking the whole zero-profanity thing seriously, aren't you?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Glad you like it, dollface ;)
I am trying to take it sort of seriously, but really I'm just coming off as a giant nerd. :)

3rm said...

chin up tiger... 26 is gonna be the age when you get your first book published and 25 was the age when you first met me. sounds like a bumper two years

Jam said...

I feel better now that I am older. Getting past 26 made such a difference to my head space, although I cried like an idiot when I turned 25. I truly believe women get better with age...although every magazine and male on the planet would have you believe otherwise.
What about a Goldfish?

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - My first book published? Hmm, that would be nice I suppose. Longshot methinks. But 25 has, admittedly been great in meeting new people, and you especially. x

Jam - If the rumours are true dear Jam, women do get better with age. Let's cheers to that! :)

Suavé said...

Heya Peas!!! Cheer up babes, it's not all that bad. My mom once told me that when things are going downhill for you, just sit back and count all the good things in your life. It sounds lame but try it. I promise you'll appreciate all that you have even more! You also have a lot more than a lot of other people have in their lives so that another thing. Your friends for one thing. Put a smile on that dial sweets! ;)

PS - A bit off the topic I know but I had a dream about you last night. Well not a real dream about you, I just saw this short, brunette woman with furry feet(jokes!) who was in trouble. Like serious trouble *ahem* so tell me, is everything alright there? Just being a friend and checking with you that's all :)

Champagne Heathen said...

What is a "1 x laboratory bill" for? I know it is early in the morning, but I cannot think right now?

My birthdays always require at least a week of celebrations. By the end of the week my friends are usually begging for some rest and sleep. I say, just party so much that you forget what the parties signify, and just know you're having fun.

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - thanks my sweetheart. mwah. This dream is freaking me out - I was in trouble?? Crap. Crap. Crap. Not AGAIN. Yip, that's me with the furry feet bwahahahahah! Bad omen dream. Just liek the bloody horoscopes. Crap. Oh well, I didn't die did I?

Champs - medical check up, bloody bill.
You're right, once we've had the party and have cohorted with our dear mates, we shouldbe back on form. Sigh...

Shortypam said...

hey peas, well happy birthday month to ya!!! wa, don feel bad, ur still funny, witty and gorgeous... that alone is happy juice for ur soul...
about the hamster, jus remember that they are nocturnal so they stay up at night and go beserck on their wheel and stuff, get one with caution, make sure u suffer from insomnia, trust me on this one.

Daedalus said...

Daedalus is Taurus.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Shorty! Yip hamsters can be a menace at night - best he sleeps in he lounge. :)

Forty In The Shade said...

A Hamster will make your apartment smell funny.

Don't worry about getting older, you're just that little bit closer to the splendid old age of ninety-four.

Happy Birthday for whenever it may be.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - hope that 'sexual charisma' is working for you, you lucky bastard. ;)

3rm said...

hehe! it seems the internet knows about your podiatric hair frodo

Peas on Toast said...

Forty in the shade - thanks man. I still have exactly two weeks of being 25, and I'm going to make the most of it! :)

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - I did write a post about it a while back - the day that The Ant and Gilb waxed them for me. Silly mistake. :)

other-duke said...

i'm a pisces.

i'm not one to get hung up on age, but i did feel it this year. 27 is too close to 30 for my liking. and a few grey hairs gate-crashed my party and won't go away. fuggit!

did someone say Goldfish? ;)

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,

Me big bull, Me big bull, Moooo ...

PS: Happy-happy for ya B-Day ;)

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - Did someone say Goldfish?? Now I'm all perky! I suppose after turning 26, I'll be alright. :)

Daedalus - you bulls apparently have many an admirer at the moment. Take advantage dear man. Take advantage!

Suavé said...

No you didn't die. You just had an accident that's all. I dont wana say whatkind in case you're suspicious or whatever. But It freaked me out cause I didnt know what you were doing in my dreams. You been stalking me? HAHA! Jus playing. Anyway I'm glad that you good though. If it's any consolation then my dreams rarely mean anything(I think) so be safe with that. :)

Oh and sorry bout bringing up the Frodo syndrome once again. But it just cracks me up so much...in a cute kinda way ;)

other-duke said...

i think it was jam whilst refering to getting a pet, but due to good marketing and branding, i only think of the electronica music outfit when i hear it :)

what date's the birthday? (if you don't mind me asking, or yourself telling)

Peas on Toast said...

Suave - an ACCIDENT? Oh sweet Jesus. I don't know if I want to know what type of accident. So I guess I have to be super careful. Shit! Don't worry about the feet thing, seriously. It's hilarious, and peopel rip me off all the time. ;)

O-D: 14 September. Two weeks away. The Ant's is tomorrow. She's also having a freak out.

Tamaryn said...

I've been 21 for a whole 9 months now (I know you probably dont wanna hear that)...but honestly, it still feels like I'm 13...

Even my mother says that she feels the same...she doesn't consider herself adequate 'adult supervision'...

So it's true....you can be immature forever...and age not-so-gracefully. But have a helluva time doing it!

Peas on Toast said...

That's what I'm hoping for Tamaryn. To be old in age and as immature (with a soupcon of wisdom on the side) forever.
21 you lucky duck. :)

Third World Ant said...

Tamaryn - you're right, no-one wants to hear you say that.

Peas - I propose heavy drinking sessions and dreadful hangovers for the next two weeks - that way, we have something else to feel a lot more sorry about. Hic! Let the games begin!

Peas on Toast said...

The Ant - you're on. Challenge?

Daedalus said...

Don't stress too much about age Peas ... two rules:

- After 25 they stop looking ;)
- At 34 you still *think* and *act* the same... as you are doing right now (you will only have a better frame of reference) :o

Peas on Toast said...

After 25 they stop looking??? Jeeziz Daedalus, are you trying to kill me???

Daedalus said...

Peas,

Bwhahaha!!

t's true... you will have to work harder from now on ... the playing field is shrinking *DuCK*

(nah... just kidding, you a cute one - you should have a longer shelf life *DuCK*)

zuzula said...

hon, you have nothing to worry about. I have to deal with the fact that I'll be 30 next year! my life is almost over already...

Daytripper said...

LORD!
One would swear everyone was turning 40!
There is plenty of life after 30 goddamit, and its defintely higher quality, beter awareness stuff.
Damn whippersnappers the lot of you!

Peas on Toast said...

D - fuck, I might as well book myself into the Village of Happiness now. Or invest in a plastic boyfriend in the form of a blow up doll. :)

Z - I know, and this is where my bitching becomes fruitless. Because one day, when I'm 30, I'll look back at this and laugh. Bitterly.
YOu're young at heart m'dear, so I doubt you have anything to worry about when it comes to having fun. xx

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper -again, I know the bitching is ridiculous. It's not so much the age thing, honestly. That's just part of it. I'm dealing. It's in light of everything else mainly.

Daedalus said...

zuzula, Geeeee … I must be the walking dead then

Sunchaser said...

Happy Birthday Peas! 26 is an excellent age 2 B! (I should know)

Get a Russian Dwarf Hamster, they rock!

Peas on Toast said...

Sunchaser -thanks, but woaaaahhhh! Not 26 just yet - two weeks to go. :)

Those Russian Dwarfs are something else. I've had two before, and they bit my finger more times I care to remember. But they are awfully small and cute...

SunChaser said...

Happy Birthday Party then...

(and I'm sure the hamster's were only trying to find out if you taste as sweet as you are ;)

zuzula said...

daedalus - why, how old are you? ;)

Daedalus said...

zuzula,

U + 4 = Me

Kate said...

Hello from a fellow Virgo.
I couldn't help laughing out loud when I saw this post, I've just been bitching about this issue. Yes, so I'm turning 23 (so still closer to 21), but how obscure and boring an age. Before that you're 18- can drink and no need to blag your way into places, 19 - outta school, 20- no longer a teenager, 21-'nuff said, 22 - really grown up. 23 - um, um, two years from 21 or 25? stuck in the middle with you?

zuzula said...

daedalus - wow. do you still have all your own teeth? ;)

seriously, I like being older. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been before. What scares me is that I'm not as settled as I thought I would be. I always thought I'd be a mum at 30. Which doesn't give me very long to get going!

3rm said...

zu - if its three zero next year me thinks you best get on and start having some unprotected sex soon what with the nine month turn around time and all. and now that you're about to be a bed short the task looks all the more daunting

zuzula said...

OMG you're right 3RM - I need to be up the duff by Christmas! blimey.

Don said...

A girly apartment, and you're getting a hamster just for a pet?

Sure.

Pull the other one.

;)

Peas on Toast said...

Don you sick bastard. :)