Friday, August 18, 2006

whopmanglingshnoogledopper

Right. OK. We went on a rip mongling mangle shnoogling fong shmankling fooge snippler piss rattler last night at the trusty dear old Jolly Rogeraroonie, as promised by my Midweek Madness ramble.

Three suitcases and five, six fucking god knows what later, The Ant, L2, C, R, E2, Doc, Klo, Forbsie, the whole crew basically, had a rong shmongling gripper snookler of an evening, which actually ended quite tamely at this little dodgy bar in Parkhurst.
We smashed pizzas all over the show as well. Which is pretty lucky, considering.

An interesting conclusion of the evening was:
On Friday, we’re going on a graunchathon at Manhattan. Oh yes. We’ve placed bets and everything. We’re pulling our way through the club like ho’s in downtown Reno pull themselves through their next paycheck, in a flip-bongling smoochathon. This however, as more drinks were consumed, no smashed, in our faces, turned into a, ‘no, we’re actually going on a shtoinkathon.’ We’re going on a poennathon. We’re going on a boofathon. Squeeze bummathon. Face suckathon. Then tried to act all coy when a group of guys overheard the conversation, and said ‘no actually we’re going on a hold handsathon.’

Quote from one of us sophisticated ladies: "I'll snog anything that bumps into me with it's mouth open." God I love my mates. Call a spade a spade, I say.

Then we left. At midnight. And I arrived home to The Ant smearing amniotic fluid all over her face, or what could only be, when actually it was a face mask, but it looked like someone had just given birth to her, when actually obviously they hadn’t, but I still got one helluva fright (evidenced by guttural shriek) and thought an alien from beyond the Milky Way had sneezed on her face.

Then we had a heated debate on who is better in the sack: Ities or Franco’s, like myself.
Franco’s of course, but she reckons not, Ities, and she thinks I want to be Itie, but I don’t, and she’s just saying that because she wants to be half French like me.

Vasco, aka Third Roommate pulled up in a black Audi A3, 2 litre turbo, drop suspension, sunroof, rims, the whole shebang, and we pretty much poenned our way through the streets of Illovo and environs, driving like assholes, just because we could. Overtaking, taking off in a ploom of smoke, going round corners on two wheels, and it is very possibly the most orgasmic car I have ever driven in, in my life. (He borrowed it from a colleague especially to take me for a spin – bless his Portuguese jocks.) We sat on the pavement admiring the car and no doubtedly wanting to shag the car because it is just so beautiful.

Don’t care what anyone says, but it was agreed that we are better people when we’re driving around in a black, drop suspensioned, 2 litre A3 turbo. And maybe we’re pricks when we drive, but then we have allowance to drive like that, and bloody hell, for God’s sake, it’s a beautiful bloody vehicle, and God wouldn’t have commissioned these such automobiles from Heaven if nobody felt like a mini-God behind the wheel.

Bring on Friday’s grabbathon. It’s going to be so messy, I’m almost scared to go out. But not quite. I mean, really, come on.

PS: On the dismantling of the Virgin Mobile ice rink at Madiba Square: this sucks balls. What am I to do with my Sunday nights, Richard Branson? Seriously, you've screwed my weekends up for me now. I was planning on becoming Nancy Kerrigan by the end of the year - why'd you have to go tear it down? I'm there EVERY WEEK, Richard, EVERY WEEK. Sometimes twice a week. I know your staff there on a first name thing. They know I'm the bird with the funny backpack. I'm very upset by this.

76 comments:

other-duke said...

on iceskating.. you'll have to go to Northgate now :(

on Friday night.. where you going? ;)

Daytripper said...

You know, sometimes i read this blog and I am afraid, very afraid!

Champagne Heathen said...

Hmmm...so how many of people in this group were hot single guys?! Manhattan you say...

My vote is definitely for the Frenchies.

Peas on Toast said...

Other-duke - I know :( It sucks. It's very far away from my house. Damn you Richard Branson, damn you.

Daytripper - ...you and the rest of Joburg m'dear. ;)

Champs - yay for a Frenchie supporter! Single guys in the group consisted of a whopping 2. And one of them, Doc, is leaving to go back to India tomorrow. The rest might come to watch us make a fool of ourselves.

Jam said...

Peas, this is like putting a siren on your head for all the single male bloggers out there.
I eagerley await the results...

Peas on Toast said...

Jam...cept I know! I'll go in disguise! Cunning plan! :)

Ramone Allones said...

Great news.... GRRRREEEEAAATTTT news... I passed CFA whooohoooo (got results last night) celebrated with a dunhill infinite lite (WTF) on the side of oxford road with Dogg and his long suffering g'friend next to the illovo star mart- and then compared it to the final scene in Ocean's 11 when they watch the fountain and celebrate their success (NWTF)!

anyways i'm going to insufferable for at least a month... maybe more!

Oscar's quote for the week (long overdue): "There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all"

Anonymous said...

Joey Miller- if I were a smart man, which I am not, I would say that you and Peas may be having a fling.

Peas on Toast said...

Ramone - Congratulations my friend! Terribly exciting news, what with that salary increase (well best you demand it now, best!) and a whole lot of ripkooklingshmoggiebortcheringhammering to be done in celebration!

Ramone we're going on a pullathon Friday evening. You're allowed to come and watch as we leave destruction in our wake. You lucky man. ;)

Anon - hmmm. ;)

Jam said...

wtf is this joey miller rubbish about?

Anonymous said...

All the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy because she's wearing a backpack. And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. It makes me sick.

kyknoord said...

A "hold handsathon"? That is just tooooo priceless. In fact, it's worthy of its very own Mastercard advert.

JamesW said...

A3...,mmm...lovely vehicle.

Iceskatings good fun. Getting pretty good myself. For those stalkers out there, she's a funny looking girl, cant miss her.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - Joey is my fan. I like Joey. ;)

Anon - with that attitude it's not going to happen, no.

Kyk - perhaps I should pitch it to Sir Richard. As long as he gives the rink back. :)

Jimmy - funny looking girl, wow, that's almost a compliment you big softie. ;)

Jam said...

So has Joey mailed to say "How you doin'?" yet?

Peas on Toast said...

Maybe ;)

Jam said...

LOL!

Suavé said...

Great stuff there Peasypoo! It's a pity that I didnt get around to doing the ice skating thingy but it's all good.

That pullathon sounds like a grand idea if you ask me. Hell it should be like that everytime you go out, but that's just me. I actually havent gone out on a macking spree in a while, I think I'll do my own graunchyness this weekend myself and I'll dedicate my first smooch to you.

Holleration!

Peas on Toast said...

Excellent Suavie!

I'll bet you have those girls lining up for a bit of Suave loving!

See you out on the town, you wontable creature you. ;)

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know who the leading try scorer was for St. Stithians 1st XV in 1995?

Joey Miller said...

Jam - Sweet Pea and I are going steady, nothing hectic. She's rocking my world right now.

Joey

Peas on Toast said...

Lemme guess...Joey Miller right? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Suavy may boy, not too sure if you and Peas share the same interpretation of 'pullathon'.

Sounds like the type of activity you engage in when the smoochathon, squeeze bummathon, spadeathon, getlaidathon doesn't yield any results and you end up going home alone...LOL

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - yes, we're going cyber steady. We'll let the rest of the masses know once we've made a public appearance together.

Joey, my little doll face. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - getlaidathon! God I wish I'd thought of that myself, you sneaky bastard. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, me thinks you're looking for something a bit more intense, something down the lines of a 'headboardbangathon' or an 'anklesbehindmyearsathon'

Peas on Toast said...

Anyoldsexathon would be fantastic right now Rev. Missionaryathon. Inanelevatorathon.

C said...

P squared, I think you have a stalker...he he he, no worries, think I have one too. Who needs a boofathon when you can hold hands??? Anyway, thats all I've managed to get at Mandog lately, aaah, bloob bloob!

Revolving Credit said...

Ahh....a pantingpoenathon....just so you get the heartrate up!!

Peas on Toast said...

Poen/C - Like we'd turn down a shag to hold hands. Well perhaps we would, being the lovely, uptight ladies that we are. :) Bloob bloob, we're not leaving until we come right.
Shit we're better stop claiming we're coming right. Because we all know where that gets us. ;)

Rev - Onyourbonnetathon? It's been ages since I did that...

Joey Miller said...

Peas, would a Black Adder DvD (I'm a big fan!!) ,or a bottle of the Cape's finest red excite you? Im thinking the Jordan, Merlot 2003. (The trenches series is amusing, seen the one about "Speckled Jim" the homing pigeon yet?)

..and are those cybersex positions or am I too obviously obvious?

Revolving Credit said...

...think this may be turning into a turnjoeyonathon!

Suavé said...

Well Rev, I guess Peas suprised us both. You're actually quite right, I figured she wanted a gohomealoneathon. I say mutha'phucken ridemeathon or a touchyourtoesathon or a hidethesalamiathon is on order so saddle it up there Peasypoo cause it's going to be a wild ride I tell ya! And if you thought I was going home alone then you's is wrong. There's a better chance of fat kid denying some cake!

High Five Peas!

Peas on Toast said...

Joey - Black Adder is my absolute fave. And a 2003 merlot would go down like a homesick mole! ;) And have seen the homing pigeon episode, but it's one of those things you can watch over and over again.

Rev - LOL! Joey are you getting turned on by all thse sexualpositionsasthon?

Peas on Toast said...

Suavie - I'm all over the countlesspositionsasthon like a fat kid over a doughnut my boy! :)

Shortypam said...

erm... porras r also great in bed too, look at me!! im a ho... teacher.. person. i kick ass!! boo richie no more skating!!!

ps this shagathon, snogathon etc.. make sure their all hot and have big wallets so they can buy you drinks

Anonymous said...

Amusing scene:

Blackadder to Baldrick: "No, It's not a bomb... it's a "sponge". Thats from Sense and Sensibility. You recall?

Hmmm Sweet Pea, forgotten how to become "turned on" but if you can keep it up I'm sure I'll get there ;)

Joey Miller said...

...that was me Sweet Pea, (A momentary lapse of reason - sorry) incase you thought you may have a REAL stalker on your hands.

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - you and Third Roommate should gang up together in a formidable force to be reckoned with against Ant the Itie and Peas the Pissy French Person to see who is better than who in the sack. ;)
And as for drinks from other men, nah, I'm quite capable of buying my own if need be. :)

Joey - I do in fact recall! How about "Balders, what is that piece of cheese hanging from your mouth for?" (So when I lie on the floor, the rats just scurry in...)

Joey Miller said...

Ha, biblical. Never come across a girl who watches Black Adder (and thats a fan "Nogal!")

Refreshing.

((( Sacka-shmack-attack )))

jam said...

the joeyathon is heating up.

Jam said...

(all this athon talking is making me wantoleaveworkathon and go SOMEWHERE, otherwise I will have to engage in a bathroomathon)

Shortypam said...

no problem bring it on, i like winning!!!

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, I think joey just cyber spanked you!

Peas on Toast said...

Joey - we're found in rare places my dear. :)

Jam - I'm with you. All this athonning is making me hungry. I'm off to smashasnadwichinmyfaceathon for lunch.

Shortypam - so do I. :)

Rev - he did? That Joey is a sneaky one. ;)

tyler said...

Jeez Joey! Sounds like you're going all soft china? Or is this just part of the charm? They can't get enough!
Peas - looks like you attract the ex-St Stithians crowd. =)
C'mon Joey - we're counting on you over at whatgoesontour.com

Peas on Toast said...

Tyler - yip, me and Saints/St Johns boys seem to go back.

God knows why!

Anonymous said...

Just heard Joey dedicate a song to Peas on KFM. He so money right now. Who trained him?

Peas on Toast said...

WHAT?
You're joking. Seriously?

OK now I'm smiling. :)

Joey?

Anonymous said...

Miller- just read your column on nadoes.com. Looks like you're made of the right stuff son. Peas has met her match.

Revolving Credit said...

Ok, post-lunch mental retardation has set in - my brain on go-slow.

Which anon is speaking now?

Pick the correct option below:
a) Joey in stalking Peas
b) Joey is a girl stalking Peas
c) Anon is stalking Joey
d) Anon = Joey
e) All of the above

Joey Miller said...

ha ha all very amusing..My darling SweetPea I feel naked when Im on your site. Why me!!

Peas on Toast said...

OK, OK - hold the phone -
too many Anons here, did/he didn't he's...
I need some clarification.
Don't worry Joe, I feel naked on my site too. :)

Joey Miller said...

Revolving - no more biscuits for YOU my friend!!

Joey: "But Sir these multiple choice questions are ((ALL)) wrong!!"

Teacher: "Correct Joey, I thought I could catch you out.. I feel so ashamed, Sorry Joey."

Joey Miller said...

Yowwwzers trousers..I dont like this anon vibe either people, will the real slim shady PLEASE stand up .....and shake that ass for me!!!

Revolving Credit said...

All is not right in the land of oz. Rev smells a conspiracy, but will observe and note developments unfold. Too many anons have sychronised their vocal entry in to the blogsphere - I don't believe in coincidences.
One particular anon seems to have difficulty refering to Joey by his name, rather constantly using his url.

Anonymous said...

Saints boys r better! - Snt Johns boys are too pale...gross

Peas on Toast said...

OK. I'm with Rev - something wierd is going on here.
I just want to know ONE OF THE ANONS: which song was it? If you're not taking the piss of course.
:)

Anonymous said...

Ok. 2 things;

1st why is the time synchro so out or are we really all just a bunch of insomniacs

2nd mmmmm Joey on toast....sounds like an interesting combination brewing

Anonymous said...

...and another thing, I am a different anon to the other anon ok..so..it is plausible there is more then one anon anon...what did i just say?

Anonymous said...

Saints boys like rowing....St Johns boys like hockey....

Anonymous said...

yeah come on Joey...which song???

kyknoord said...

Looks like I've walked in on an anonathon.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk, don't you agree it's like watching invisible people play tennis?
:)

Champagne Heathen said...

I actually felt like I was watching Me, Myself & Irene...Cyber-schizos.
What on earth has happened in here?

Revolving Credit said...

Champs - 'invisible people playing tennis'..wanna throw some eggs at them?? I sure your mom would approve.

Anonymous said...

Love all :-)

I`m out

Peas on Toast said...

Bloody hell, it's as bad as spam!

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev, I don't have a great throwing arm, so I am nervous to aim for a moving target. And it just keeps popping up everywhere. Bluddy dizzy really.

Revolving Credit said...

Just toss all 10 dozen at the same time - kinda like carpet bombing, you shouldn't miss.
Just cover everything in egg.

Anonymous said...

Spam is not as bad as a foot fetish

Champagne Heathen said...

At this rate, with all these random comments, my aim is fast improving!

Revolving Credit said...

In this variation of Rock-Paper Scissors, Sperm beats Spam, foot fetish not withstanding

Crusoe said...

Happened upon your blog and had a good chuckle over this post. Wanted to say thanks.

You do know that triathalons are all the rage these days. Have you considered a trisnogathon as part of your weekend plans? :)

Peas on Toast said...

Cool thanks Crusoe!
We'll aim for the trisnogathon tonight, don't you worry! :)

Anonymous said...

Its really difficult to believe that there are people that think like you in this world.