K I'm gonna try string a sentence together, but this may be the last sentence I string, because I am going to die. I am sitting in the computer labs with my sunglasses on. This hangover is so epic, I actually don't remember feeling so shite. Ever. In my whole life. Yesterday I wasn't even hungover. Not in comparison. All I can really hope for is not to chunder today in front of big newspaper important journalism editors, and hope that I can actually just pass out in a quiet, cool place. Damn that Rat and Parrot. Damn it. It's Satan turned into a pub.
1) I have been at the Rat & Parrot three times in 24 hours.
2) I am being punished for being 26.
3) Was telling all the snackable locals I was 22 last night. Have finally started lying about my age.
4) Help. Mock charge, chunder.
5) Pflaumenstreuselskuchen walked me back to my res last night and we apparently, or so he says, listened to opera on my iPod.
6) I think I was well-behaved.
7) I bought a frigging 'The Rat & Parrot' t-shirt from the manager there. I am such a tourist, and I don't even like that place anymore. I frigging hate it.
8) Please someone just kill me. I don't care how, just do it.
9) I think we must've had about 8 Yaygies last night.
10) The res shower: actually, let's not talk about the res shower.
11) Met a mate of C's last night. I'm sure he thinks I'm absolutely crackers.
12) Pflaumen is a sweet, lovely German who bought me a coke this morning. Are these people used to hangovers of this intensity? Becauase, if that's the case, thank God, thank GOD I never came to Rhodes. I would never have made it.
13) Colin Daniels and Vincent Maher and Carly Ritz, bless all of your cotton doondies. You all rock and you've all done such a great job getting us all here and organising the whole shebang. I'm sorry, in advance, for my lack of conduct today. It's your fault though.
14) My driver is also a hot little snacky cake. The one who drove me from the airport.
Help. OK. This is not even a 'help I'm dying' exaggerative whine. This is for real.