Thursday, September 28, 2006


Ever gone through your phonebook on your cellphone and wonder who half the people are? I was cleaning up my phonebook, as in deleting old flames’ numbers, updating details, and spent half the evening wondering who some of these people were. Robert? Wally? Crih? [sic], Costaud? Stalker2? (I know who Stalker1 is, but Stalker2 obviously hasn’t called in a while. No recollection whatsoever.)

I had no idea I had a Wally in my phone. I’ve certainly never seen it before. Who the hell is Wally? And at the risk of sounding tautological - Where is Wally?

I made The Ant phone him to find out, before deleting it, just in case he’s a shtoink potential.

The Ant: Hello, who is this?
Wally: It’s Wally.
The Ant: Um..ok, where’s Wally, who’s Wally? Do you know who Peas On Toast is?
Wally: No.
The Ant: Well she has your number in her phone.
Wally: Cool.
The Ant: Did you give it to her?
Wally: Sounds like it.
The Ant: What do you do, so we can work out why this number is in her phone.
Wally: I’m a bus driver.

Pause. Howls of laughter from The Ant.

The Ant: Um…ok where you from?
Wally: Grahamstown.
The Ant: Oh…(pieces fall into place). You must’ve met her at the Rat & Parrot.
Wally: No. I’m like 45 years old lady. Is that place still going?
The Ant: Yeah…she was there a lot last week.
Wally: Right, well we didn’t meet there.
The Ant: What’s your surname?
Wally: van de Venter.
The Ant: Are you single?
Wally: I’m married, woman.
The Ant: Sorry. Just asking for Peas. OK thanks very much, have a lovely evening; will delete this number from her phonebook, goodbye.

But on phones, a Certain Someone called me last night to ask for directions. I know a Certain Someone pretty darn well, and like all typical males, doesn't deplore himself to ask anyone for directions - least of all phone me and ask how to get somewhere in Melville.

Immediately suspicious.

Could he possibly be asking me for directions (which I didn't know), because, maybe, just maybe, he was dying to speak to me and needed an excuse?

Maybe I've got it all wrong.


Pete said...

Is it sad that I'm leaving the first comment again?

Can we start singing 'Peas has a BOYFRIEND' (in a playground voice) yet? :)

Third World Ant said...

Pete, I'll be chiming in! Certain Someone is PERFECT for Peas!

Revolving Credit said...

Guy doesn't know how to get to a certain place:
- Drive around til you find it
- Stop at a local service station and ask
- Use one of the cellular providers navigation services
- Buy a map or gps
- Maybe phone a guy friend

But phone some chick you may like and ask her ( ya right)

Come on, he was just looking for a reason to chat. Did he ask if he could pick you up and if you could show him exactly where the place is??

Probably didn't even go there. Next time, give him Wally's phone no. Bus drives so be quite good at directions. probably direct him to Oxford Street in G'Town.

Pete said...

Is he a geek? Invite him to te dinner

Also, I bet you couldn't hear any of that 'in car' noise! He was sitting in his lounge:)

youngBLOOD said...

OMG Peas... You even tried to pick up a married, 45 year-old bus driver when you were down here?

Wasn't the other local talent hot enough ;p

kyknoord said...

At least he didn't phone you to ask "Where's Wally?". That would have been weird (abeit a more interesting pretext than "directions", if truth be told).

Champagne Heathen said...

Is this the same Certain Someone who brought you trout in tupperware on Monday night? If so, I would've figured that would be enough of a sign of devotion. After all, we all know what a gift of fish is a sign of...

other-duke said...


I've done that a few times, gone through my phone book and wondered if i had someone elses phone or if my friends had gotten hold of it when i was in the loo and added numbers as a joke..

you have to keep stalkers numbers, so you know who it is when they call... or so you can give their number to someone else as your own in a club

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - it's not sad you leaving the first comment dollface. And I do not have a boyfriend!!!!


Rev - So he DID want to talk to me! Yay!
PS: I do not have a boyfriend. :)

Pete - he's an engineer. I suppose he's quasi-geek. ;)

Kyk - LOL. Tooshay. That would've been very starnge big guy. ;)

Champs - yip same person. :) Was good fish too. :)

Peas on Toast said...

O-D: Agreed. Stalker1 is next to Oh Fuck Its The Landlady, who also called yesterday. Yikes.

Revolving Credit said...

Best you tell your boyfriend that he's not your BOYFRIEND!

(something does smell fishy though, no, wait, thats the tupperware..HAHAHA)

Peas on Toast said...

REv dude, he has no idea about this boyfriend thing. Eeek.

Luckily he's not my boyfreind :)

Revolving Credit said...

Does that mean you're still not gonna get some??

Jam said...

Certain Someone bought you fish, phoned you for directions and clearly has no clue how to ACTUALLY make a move here. Help him out Peas.

My phone book is a nightmare too. I have so many Greg's in there. Seems to be the most common name in my phone book. There's always one overused name that applies to many individuals.

Koekie said...

I say go for the classic 'Grab tie and Pull in' move. Works for me...

Of course, this is more tried and tested on geeks, who tend to wear ties. If he's an engineering quasi-geek then it'll probably be open-necked shirts and you'll just have to come up with your own method then.

(You can always flash your doondies. Just a thought... use it, don't use it)

VErge said...

interesting blog posts. where in jhb you from?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - it's a tough one for so many reasons I can't elaborate on here unfortunately.

But we'll see. :)

PS: I have at least 7 Steve's in my phone.

Koekie - flash him my doondies - I like that! ("hey guy, check this out...") tee hee

Peas on Toast said...

Verge - not from JHB originally. But live south of Sandton, north of Rosebank. ;)

Anonymous said...

Crikey, I am sooo glad that my fellow blogging sibling refered me to your page... u hav me crying with laughter! gets me thru the day at work (which, by the way, is Geotechnical Engineering, nice geeky stuff... use it, dont use it!). anyways, hope u keep up the prize winning entertainment!

Peas on Toast said...

Crikey, thanks Anon! :)

Pete said...

An engineer you say? Can't go wrong there.. (..' He said, without a hint of pride.)

In order to rank his geek factor on my patented geek-0-meter (tm) we'll need to know what type of engineer he is..

Pete said...

Also, the word 'doondies' has now been added to my list of synonyms for nits.

Anonymous said...

Pete - I am a Civil Engineer branching into Geotechnical Engineering.. i.e. mud! how does that get the meter ticking?

Peas - Dont rip off "crikey".. crikey is the word to end all words!

Pete said...

Sorry anon, I meant theCertain Someone, but civil (including geotechnical) engineers, unfortunately score a 0 on the scale.

To be fair though, it is a binary scale, so there isn't much differentiantion. Punn not intended.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - I'd never rip off crikey m'dear. I intend to use it more often myself. :)

Pete - Certain Someone is a Mechanical. Engineer. He builds engines and shit. Or so he says. ;)

Pete said...

Not really a geek, but petrol heads are close..

Now for the clincher - Did he study at UCT?

Third World Ant said...

Peas almost has a boyfriend!

[Cue: "Peas and Certain Someone sitting in the tree..."]

Anonymous said...

O, sorry Pete, I always seem to get over eager and fall into the false illusion that people actually want to talk to me :( I will just go and catch up with my super cool Civil buddies! ha ha, now thats a false illusion if i ever saw/heard of one!

Apfelshtroodil said...

A Certain Someone asks for directions to a seedy dive in Melville where the jagermeisters flow like sewerage through a Hillbrow hospital... ja,ja!!
Ve all get ze pictshure.

Pete said...

Does Ant know something we don't?

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - he might've ;)

Ant - he's not my boyfriend. OK, ok, he's my 'boyfriend', but I'm not his girlfriend. ;)

Anon - don't be so hard on yourself m'dear. I'm sure lots of people enjoy talking to you!

Apfel - I wouldn't know, I've never been there. :)

Pete - the Ant knows everything. Living with me, it's hard to keep things a secret. She also knows a Certain Someone pretty well too as a result. :)

Kate said...

I was doing this same clean up about a month ago, and realised I have an even worse habit that putting reasonably randoms in my phone book.

See, I'm really bad with names - really stinkingly atrocious (sp?), but I can never bring myself to say "sorry what's your name again?".

When I run into Person X, who I know, but cannot for the life of me place in context, or remember anything about them, and they're naming my siblings and pets, I panic!

They say "lets keep in touch this time, here's my number" and I dutifully take my phone out, key the number in and save it under things like "?", "knows snoopy?", "Gnbjhfg" just so that I look like I'm putting their name into my directory.

Pete said...

That counts for major points. CS should can probably be labelled as a keeper.

Is he old like you?

Billy said...

Peas has a boyfiend!!!!!!!!!

Or will very, very soon.

Men dont phone women for directions, he's gagging for you, its official.

Peas on Toast said...

Kate that's hysterical! "Ghdlkslkf?"
I'd love to know how many of those you have in your phone!

Pete - "Is he old like you?" Jeeziz Chroist! Is 22 that old?? ;) No he's actually older. 27/28...

Billy - God I love you. Now I'm all happy-like! :)

I thought about it: the people he was meeting in Melville - why didn't he just phone them??
tee hee!!!

Kate said...

about twenty, plus five or so "susan?", "starts with a m?" etc. and two "ask mom"

Pete said...

How about when your pissed and messing around with your phone while not really paying attention to it?

I have an 'AAAAAA' in my phone book so that I don't actually call the first number (my baby sister) and have her hear whatever rubbish it is I'm subjecting some poor girl to.

Peas on Toast said...

Kate: wahahaha! :)

Pete - I'm with you on this one. I keep on phoning Adam, a 10-year old godchild of my father's at ungodly hours of the evening. Perhaps I should also have an AAAA. I like that idea.

Jam said...

Peas has a b-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d

Peas on Toast said...

No no Jam, Peas certainly d-o-e-s-n-'-t.

Champagne Heathen said...

Surely you guys need to actually be having sex to use such commitment words like 'boyfriend'?? Or at the very least lunging (plunging?) one another. Otherwise what the hell's the point?!?

Pete said...

Okay, I've read through all the comments, and I feel the time is ripe for us to break into chorus.

Jam, sing with me: Peas has boyfriend..

Wallfish said...

Aw Peas, pity you're not mobile - you could be a 21st century woman of mystery except minus all the ugly hair and buck teeth. Oops, forgot, you need mojo! :)

Koekie said...

Speaking of lunging and plunging - I just bumped into one third of the weekend's collective Drool... Jack Rock! (it's because I hang out around flight centre waaay too much)

How blessed am I to get one last sighting in before he jets off this evening?

Anonymous said...

Crikey, leave the office for an hour and u miss a day's worth of banter!

Peas - Did i read correctly u making reference to 22 yr olds! i think 22 yr ols rock the house down! seeing as though I have been one for the grand total of 1 day!

Jam said...


Peas on Toast said...

Champers - I'm with you 100%. We haven't even had a snog. This year.

Pete - No I do not. Although it would be kinda nice....:)

Walfish - ha ha, mojo isn't the problem here m'dear. Mojo is a-plenty. Must be Spring...

Koekie - did you three collectively lunge the flite centre mannequin?? I hope so! (For me anyway)

Anon - happy happy birthday my dear! Hope you celebrated aptly Mr I'm Still Young. :)

Pete said...

Right, so you're keen and judging from some of the comments (from Jam i think?) you're not swampy, and he obviously likes you (so the swampy bit is a non issue), but he's an engineer and we have no idea how to approach girls. This leaves the ball firmly in your court.

Anonymous said...

well Peas, if u consider running a pub quiz celebrating aptly, then yes, i did!
The quiz where my girlfriend had her blonde moment (refer to twistedkoeksuster - blonde moments!)

the yak said...

Wally the 45 year old bus driver from G-Town. Nice. Now I'm scared to death:

I have a "Nikita" and a "Sahara" on my phone, but I'm too frightened to call to find out what creatures of the night those could be!

You should keep Wally, in case you and your new boyfriend end up in G-Town and need directions!

Jam said...

Will all the engineers here put up their hands?

Pete said...

Jam - I'll admit to it once and never again.

I don't think there could be any better way to cause a girl to suddenly have to 'go to the loo' than telling her you're an engineer..

Revolving Credit said...

You haven't snogged him this year!
So which year did you snog him in?
Last year? 2003? Nursery School?

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - I can't...I'm trying to play slightly hard to get so I don't send him running to an engineering convention very far from here!

Anon! - The pieces fall into place! You guys rock. ;)

The yak - Nikita and Sahara? Definitely phone those numbers. I'm pretty certain you won't be sorry!

Pete - I happen to love engineers. It's that wierd geek fetish I have. Just kidding, but not really. LOve them.

Rev -again its complicated. We've known each other for years. Tell you what, if we ever get together, I'll spill the beans.
We snogged last year randomly after my break up with Ex S.

Revolving Credit said...

So who's stalking whom?
Or is this mutual stalking by consent??

Koekie said...

Peas, I have one theory on how random numbers arrive in phone books..

I tend to give out numbers of guy-friends (who are generally not in favour with me) to guy's who ask for my number. There is something very satisfying about it.

And if random guy is stupid enough to actually hand over his phone for you to enter your digits manually, then it's always fun to enter "Manhattan Hottie... Call me!" or something similarly random with forementioned random number. You're picking up a random trend here, right?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'm not sure....:)

Koekie - I like, I like! Am I allowed to give away ex-boyfriend's numbers to random hotties? Now THAT would be hysterical.

Antoine said...

This is the time in my life when I look at the good lord above and chuckle on how he wired up lasses.

*happy shake of head*