Ever gone through your phonebook on your cellphone and wonder who half the people are? I was cleaning up my phonebook, as in deleting old flames’ numbers, updating details, and spent half the evening wondering who some of these people were. Robert? Wally? Crih? [sic], Costaud? Stalker2? (I know who Stalker1 is, but Stalker2 obviously hasn’t called in a while. No recollection whatsoever.)
I had no idea I had a Wally in my phone. I’ve certainly never seen it before. Who the hell is Wally? And at the risk of sounding tautological - Where is Wally?
I made The Ant phone him to find out, before deleting it, just in case he’s a shtoink potential.
The Ant: Hello, who is this?
Wally: It’s Wally.
The Ant: Um..ok, where’s Wally, who’s Wally? Do you know who Peas On Toast is?
The Ant: Well she has your number in her phone.
The Ant: Did you give it to her?
Wally: Sounds like it.
The Ant: What do you do, so we can work out why this number is in her phone.
Wally: I’m a bus driver.
Pause. Howls of laughter from The Ant.
The Ant: Um…ok where you from?
The Ant: Oh…(pieces fall into place). You must’ve met her at the Rat & Parrot.
Wally: No. I’m like 45 years old lady. Is that place still going?
The Ant: Yeah…she was there a lot last week.
Wally: Right, well we didn’t meet there.
The Ant: What’s your surname?
Wally: van de Venter.
The Ant: Are you single?
Wally: I’m married, woman.
The Ant: Sorry. Just asking for Peas. OK thanks very much, have a lovely evening; will delete this number from her phonebook, goodbye.
But on phones, a Certain Someone called me last night to ask for directions. I know a Certain Someone pretty darn well, and like all typical males, doesn't deplore himself to ask anyone for directions - least of all phone me and ask how to get somewhere in Melville.
Could he possibly be asking me for directions (which I didn't know), because, maybe, just maybe, he was dying to speak to me and needed an excuse?
Maybe I've got it all wrong.