Saturday, September 23, 2006

schooltarded

Yesterday afternoon, before the reunion:

The Ant has a problem, or let’s say an incomprehensive understanding of my geek fetish. I love geeks. As long as they’re smoking hot. And play with bits of machinery, computers and chemicals. That mixture of unassuming handsomeness mixed with a cutting and incomparable intelligence. I need a cold shower just writing this.

The Ant: Look at the geek on TV!
Peas: He’s gorgeous.
The Ant: Dude, what is UP with you finding geeks hot?
Peas: The passionate way they talk about their hard drives and get all intense-like.
The Ant: I like geeks, hell I’m going out with an engineer. But at least they get out every so often and build stuff.
Peas: Hey! IT geeks build stuff. Software.
The Ant: And that makes you horny?
Peas: Extremely. They have to be hot though, and look good in spectacles.
The Ant: Robbie in Home & Away makes you hot, why?
Peas: That devilish grin, how he fiddles on his laptop, actor-appeal.
The Ant: Bill Gates?
Peas: No.
The Ant: You sure?
Peas: Dude! Give me some credit already. The guys who built Google are hot, not Microsoft Bill.
The Ant: But he has everything going for him.
Peas: Look at the guy on the TV – he’s a chemist. Bet he never leaves the lab. I’m getting horny just watching this.
The Ant: Dude he’s playing with test tubes.
Peas: And my tubes have just dropped.
The Ant: What?
Peas: You know. My fallopians.
The Ant: Fallopians don’t drop! Male testicles drop.
Peas: That’s what you think. I’m ready for sex. Right. Now.
The Ant: And the guy in the Coke ad that just came on TV?
Peas: Not a geek, but hot. Everything with three legs is hot right now.
The Ant: If I dismembered the coffee table in front of us of one of its legs, would you want to bonk it?
Peas: Probably.

Reunion. Well I answered yesterday's question: my old headmaster does, in fact, have collective amnesia.

Now admittedly, he was only around for our matric year, but the man did not remember who we were. If we were quiet, well-behaved, insipid individuals, this may be excusable. But Class of '98 were none of those things. And last night was a good example of what we were then and what we have become now. We're the same, excatly the same.

Tequilas, being loud, singing the first two lines of our school anthem (then forgetting the rest thereafter), calling the headmaster his initials ("Oy! RD! Come over here and smash another tequila with us.") Oh my Gad. Completely out of hand. We were told copiously to keep the noise levels down.

Again, I see all of these people on an almost constant basis, so it really was just another day in the life of. C and I tottled out of there at an ungodly hour, and she confiscated my phone. I don't wanna talk about it.

55 comments:

Shortypam said...

not to meantion geeks are so great in bed!!! my BF, S is a total geek... he races toy cars 4 goodness sake... yeah they have a semi finals and everything...
but still the conversations are wicked cool and the sex... well lets say my rabbit 3000 has gone outta business

ps. peas scoot over to my blog when u can... u gotta help me name my boobies

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty -Your boyfriend sounds like a catch - toy cars! Yummy!

Will come across and help you name your noombies babe.

Shortypam said...

lol!!! peas thanks 4 the cool suggestion...love it!!! will be having a vote in two weeks... so tune in then to see who won ...

Jam said...

Geeks can be great. Although my worst type of geek is the completely anti social type who is excessively intelligent on a technical level but cannot perform socially or get the practical aspects of their lives together. In such instances, you turn into their "mommy". Ugh.

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - no problem hon.

Jam - Definitely agreed. They have to be socially adept. Laugh at my jokes and have something mildly non-techy to say once in a while. They basically just have to perform as a geek in their jobs but be awesome elsewhere.

See why my boyfriend criteria list gets me nowhere? ;)

kyknoord said...

That's a tough one. So it's not just that whole "willingness to experiment to develop an intimate understanding of exactly how things work" that gets you.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - "willingness to experiment to develop an intimate understanding of exactly how things work."

OK now I'm horny, you sweet-talking devil. Cold shower please!

Suavé said...

I always thought the fetish of girls who liked geeks was all a hoax. I never knew that girls were into that kind of thing. I figured they just said it to fuck with our minds or something. Guess you learn something new everyday. ;)

Actually, my ex used to call me a geek. All. The. Phucken. Time. But I disagreed, and kinda got irritated most of the time. So what if I can tell you all about hardware and software and all the technical know-how of this and that. And so what if I wear glasses. And so what if I have a R/C plane that I like to fly every now and then. I still dont think I'm a geek. I digress. I prefer to think of it as being knowledgable na'mean?! ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Suavie is a geek everyone. :)

Bless your cotton smalls Suave, I'm just kidding. ;)

joe said...

Peas, I'm a geek - a UCT-generated computer science one at that! Let's get it on :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Joe - can you talk the talk? Speak geek to me, hot stuff.

other-duke said...

hilarious. the classic dop-'n-dial. we never learn. ok, ok, got it, you don't wanna talk about it.

i have a hot chick fetish.

drinking tequis with the headmaster.. interesting idea

Shaun said...

Lol, Peas, brilliant dialogue. I'd pay to be a fly on the wall everytime you and the Ant have a conversation.

DVD Box set Revenge of the Nerds for Peas this Christmas?

Oh, and by the way, the geeks love your writing too...

Anonymous said...

hmmm....sounds like you've got someone in mind....have you had a geek encounter lately? :)

Daedalus said...

So, there is hope for the geeks then. Thank the gawds, I am only 50% geek ;)

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - Would someone please confiscate my phone before I got out? Oh wait. Too late. FUCK. So embarrassed could eat my own foot.

Shaun - thanks dollface. We thought of starting a vlog, based just on the sometimes disgusting conversations we have at home. (Faces pasted out of course! ;)

Anon - not as such. However, the critical condition of Richard Hammond (Top Gear, geeky, awesome, beautiful presenter) got me going. I am in love with him.

Daedalus - yes 100% isn't entirely appealing. 50% definitely works. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

There is something appealing about geeks. They're soft-hearted, gentle and amusing in the way they are SO serious about the most bizarre things.

I dated a geek once. It was highly enjoyable until his fridge started phoning him during our dates and he'd get panic'd and we'd have to spend lengthy moments considering how serious the problem at the lab was. One should not have to be competing with laboratory appliances!!

joe said...

Peas, my hard drive has crashed and it would be great if you could come and reboot me so I can attempt to recover lost clusters that weren't damaged. :-)

Wezzo said...

Peas, you realise you just caused a mass nerdgasm.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - his fridge phoned him? That's a riot babe. :)

Joe - Mr Turning Me On. I'm crawling into my computer through the CD-ROM driver to come and find you.

Peas on Toast said...

Wezz - As long as everyone is feeling the lovin', I'm happy. :)

Apfelshtroodil said...

Peas, I noticed your negative remark on Zuma yesterday, so I thought we should look at the upside:
TOP TEN REASONS ZUMA WILL BE A GOOD PRESIDENT
10. People would shower rather than bath, saving billions of kilolitres of water
9. He would finally be able to get that machine gun (mshini wam) he has been demanding
8. The court rolls would be emptied of all those time-consuming rape trials
7. Brett Kebble's good name would be restored
6. The SACP would finally be able to return to its task of bringing about world communism
5. Foreigners would know exactly who to bribe for foreign investment contracts
4. Zimbabwean illegals would think seriously about returning home
3. The Nigerians would be muscled out of Hillbrow by the Zulus
2. Mbeki would be prosecuted for corruption (unsuccessfully, but who wouldn't enjoy watching?)
1. Cosatu would finally shut the fuck up

Revolving Credit said...

I think what turns Peas on is that a geek will stay focused on the task at hand until they've got the problem well and truly..umm..licked!

Peas on Toast said...

Apfel: brilliant! Making a good thing out of something really, really bad. I like you apfel.

Rev: you've hit the nail on the, um, head. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, there are spectacles fogging up all over blogland today.
You may personally revive the pocket-protector industry..LOL

Wienerwurst said...

Peas, now its ur turn...I presented the Bratwurst!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gregorrohrig/249143027/

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Glad to hear it! ;)

Wiener - OK grand announcement: Pflaumen's wiener is on display everybody! He's finally agreed to show us his totty.

;)

Revolving Credit said...

Shame, poor Bratenapfelschitz, it looks like he has never ever got to use his wiener...it's still in it's wrapping...and with the price on???

Peas on Toast said...

Pflaumie, take the price off your wiener! Such things cannot be bought for love or money! :)

Bratenapfelschitzel said...

LOL@all

I feel that I have violated myself here... :P

Revolving Credit said...

If you're going to leave the price tag on, at least increase the price. Just because you've never used it, it doesn't mean that you have to be cheap as well.

Peas on Toast said...

Flaumie - stand proud. OK bad choice of words. Be proud of what your mother gave ya. ;)

REv - lol. :) He's a student, cut The Man With Four Members some slack. ;)

Gregor said...

It's a special offer!!! Get 4 for the price of 1

joe said...

Wieners Schmieners, Russians Smussians! All it takes is a geeky 5 1/4 inch stiffy to do the job! That's before it's ready to be inserted into the drive, by the way! :-)

Peas on Toast said...

I'm trying to imagine the look on your girlfriend's face when she first saw your four totty's. Priceless.

Peas on Toast said...

Joe - you bad bad boy! For making Peas all hot and flsutered! Please spank me with a USB cable now! That's a demand, computer man. :)

Revolving Credit said...

If he hasn't used them, why don't we auction 1st right of use on ebay. Might help him pay some fees, buy attachments for his camera or even get a pocket-protector for when he next visits Peas.

joe said...

document.writeln('Spank, Spank');

- there, you got it in code! Double the effect! ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

I am more disturbed by the following pic on that flckr titled "Chop that Russian" and OH BOY is that russian chopped up!!

Bratenapfelschitzel said...

Bratenapfelschitzel's russion on ebay?
Should I include or exclude shipping costs?

Revolving Credit said...

The shipping instructions for the wiener 'Handle with care'

Giving this 4 wiener thing some thought. Last time I called some geek 4-eyes, this is not what I meant!

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha, pflaumen's quatrroweiner is famous.

Can we buy all four on eBay, or can opt for just one?

Revolving Credit said...

I'm sure if you ask nicely, he'll...umm..give you one.

Jam said...

It is a steamy Friday it seems...

Peas on Toast said...

I'm sure he would, but I'm not certain his girlfriend would approve. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - have you checked out pflaumie's wiener(s)?

Jam said...

Those 4 lovely plastic wrapped numbers? Oh yes. Including their very tragic demise in pic 2.

Jam said...

And I did notice the proximity of the peas.
Does the proximity of the peas have anything to do with confiscated cellphones?

Peas on Toast said...

I plead the fifth. Can't remember. No comment.

Fraulein said...

speaking on authority, those wieners are quite a mouthful and are very tasty...

so never mind the plastic wrapping or the price! :p

Champagne Heathen said...

The little AIDS activist would like to say that it is always a good thing to have weiners tightly wrapped up. Well Done Apple Struddle Boy on your safety consciousness!

joe said...

Tightly wrapped indeed. And, a highly insulating material to boot!

Apfelshtroodil said...

Ah-hem. Apfelshtroodil is NOT to be confused with pflaumen or the other Germanic handles on this page! Apfel does not pack a burned Bratwurst like pflaumen. Please!

Antarctica Boy said...

Peas,

You've got all the geeks down here at the Pole salivating, wanting their first stop to be South Africa.

Peas on Toast said...

he he he ;)