Tuesday, October 24, 2006

weekend out the city

A gawunderwagen. A ga-voender-var-gen. That’s the vehicle we travelled in going down to Natal. I thought at one point we were fully going to take off: the thing had a completely operational sliding drinks trolley and reading lights on the ceiling. L and I got hammered from squeezy bottles of vodka in the backseat.

There’s something rather pertinent about the little town of Hilton that one forgets easily. The place is shrouded in mist, like, all the time. And it is so searingly green, full of thorny hedges and flowers and shit, it’s really like a little piece of frigging Ascot. Lovely place for a holiday, although does get depressing when you live there for penultimate sections of time. Or like when you’re at boarding school there, and you crap your doondies everytime you have to walk up to the dininghall for breakfast because you can’t see shit in front of you, except scraggly cloud-encased trees that look uncannily like Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street.. Ah. The memories mist can drag from the recesses of one’s brain. Random.

So, the weekend was fun. I feel slightly less broken than I was last week. Which still means I am exhausted over everything that commands any involuntary attention. However.
We all walked around my school, and I noted with shock horror that the bloody, but very necessary forest at the aft end of the property had been cut down. This is pants all by itself. That forest was a place of comfort, where naughty girls could go down and smoke, grab their boyfriends, grope ass, that sort of thing. Fuck that! I was most upset, and phoned C from the balcony of our old boarding house to bitch. And then dry humped a school statue in protest. Not that anybody saw, sadly, except for a couple of construction workers busying themselves on scaffolding for the new chapel.

Dinner From Hell.
OK not quite sure how we got ourselves – ourselves being, well, me, actually – but after a glorious day spent swimming in Durban, perusing my school, doing cool stuff, we found ourselves – sober mind you, which makes this so much worse – at a dinner. Where the hostess of the house took an almost immediate disliking to my face.
Let me explain.
Arrive. Have a glass of wine. Have slight altercation with Guy I’m Sort Of Kind Of Sort Of Seeing about something stupid, and while I’m in the whizzer taking a slash, I hear her telling Guy Seeing Sort Of Kind Of to tell me to ‘Stuff Off.’ Really loudly. Perhaps she was hammered. I was quite, no, extremely put out. How rude!
It did not end there.
The bitch was out to destroy me.
Moogs – bless him for bringing up stuff at inappropriate moments – tells this lady about my blog around the dinner table.
Please don’t. Oh God. Please. I tried, visibly seething, just to eat my spag bol flying under a radar so low, I hoped I would simply disintegrate.
Lady Who Hates Peas For No Particular Reason: This whole bloggy business is just pathetic.
Peas: I like it.
Moogs: She’s good, you know.
Lady Hates Peas: Whatever. How bored must people be to read about your stupid little life?
Peas: [now steam flowing from ears in steady bursts] Well it’s helluva more interesting than yours.
Moogs: Um, ok…time to go.
The only thing that kept me going throughout the dinner was imagining Moogs' blind man impression at the Sun Coast Casino in Durban. Waving around with a flailing stick, dark glasses, walking into shit and pretending to be loco on top of that, screaming "hey you steakie" to local passersby.

The next day, in giggles, L and I had a good laugh about the Woman Who Hated Peas On Impact over breakfast. The boys were riding that Amashovashova Cycle Race, and she walked in and told us best we get into her car that instant if we wanted to see them finish in Durban, or else.
Or else?
“I think that woman has the hell in with you,” said the owner of the B & B.
L: You have no idea.
Peas: She wanted to kill me last night mate. And I’m still unsure why.

Another nice day in Durban, eating pancakes, swimming, watching the dudes all come in from their cycle. The weekend was lank chilled, barring travelling around in a vehicle that looks exactly the part for a cash-in-transit heist. And doing donuts in this thing outside the casino. And Moogs and R getting undressed on the beach, their white asses bearing no doondies. And not getting pissed once except for the squeezy bottle scenario on the way down.
It was a nice weekend, nice beds too.

Back to work. And day to day. Crap. Not in a coma, but sitting on the edge of one.

29 comments:

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas: She probably attempted to blog for a while, but after getting a total of 5 hits (4 coming from her) in the space of a week, she gave it up and condemned all bloggers to a slow and painful death for not accepting her into the community! :P

On another note, must tell you a funny story:

A friend of mine came across your blog through the link on my site. He read it for hours and now he's in love with you. Haha. He couldn't stop talking about your website and how much he wants a girl "just like Peas on Toast".

"She's just so funky. She names her wart! That's so cool."

Kudos to you. Haha.

Hope you're well and all that!

Cheers,
Kev

oh, and peas: PLEASE switch to Blogger Beta (Google)! It's 3928372 times better!

kabintsimbi said...

Peas: I've found myself having to stick up for the 'oh so important' blogosphere lately too & I tell you, these people just don't get how much it makes one's bum hum!!!! That silly woman sounds like a jealous hag stuck in the middle of a mist-infested Elm's St lookalike ville...she's probably got no hot beef to grope, saw yours & became the bitching bag reincarnate! Away with her!! And as for your blog, we don't want someone sending their neggie vibes over the waves!

Anyway, so no details re: Certain Someone or is that coming laters?!?

Billy said...

Morning Peas, glad to hear you made it back from Banannaville in one piece.

Did Guy You're Sort Of Kind Of Sort Of Seeing know the Lady Who Hates Peas For No Particular Reason?

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Kevvy - that is so awesome, please tell your mate that I dig that he digs that I named my wart. :) Now THAT is the kind of guy I like. ;)

Thought of you down in Durbs by the way "Home of Kev."

Hope you're also feeling better, taking each day as it comes?

Peas on Toast said...

Kabin - bless, thanks doll. Yip Certain Someone and I are good, I think. ;)

Billy - howzit my dear. He did sort of know her, family friend. But reckons she ruined dinner as well. ;)

Kevin Cadman said...

I'm doing much better thanks! You get to the stage where you no longer miss the person and you simply miss the relationship. That's where I am now.

I'm having coffee with her on Thursday after more than a month of no contact - I feel I'm okay to do it (I'm probably wrong, but I have to do it anyway).

Heh, that damn cycle race that blocks my precious M13 highway!

How was the weather up there on Saturday? It HAILED in Hillcrest! It looked like it had been snowing there was so much of it.

You have yourself a splendid day now!

Peas on Toast said...

Kev - that's so awesome to hear my dear. Just be careful with your heart when you go for coffee ok. Put a barrier there so you don't end up feeling shite again.

The weather was ok, didn't see the hail, but it rained in PMB. Like true Vaalies (or reformed Vaalies in my case), we swum when it was overcast. *blind one.*. But it was good!

Inyoka said...

Glad you had a great weekend. It pissed down for two days solid here.

Jam said...

She sounds like an unhappy person. I love the blogosphere. It feels like home to me. I guess if you don't spend a lot of time blogging, it seems dull. But we all love it and know it rocks.
Perhaps she has a dark past with your new guy?

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - I presume the giant gherkin was shrouded in mist too eh? ;)

Jam - I think she's just a little, you know, nuts. :)
She's in her 40s, so not quite sure what the deal is. But had a good laugh about it anyway. :)

Jam said...

weirdo. Good that you can laugh it all off though.

Kate said...

Oh god, Monday! Back at work! I share your coma-ness! Well, at least you had a good weekend!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - yeah, I actually couldn't stop giggling the next day, which probably pissed her off even more. :)

Kate - sleep would be SUPER good right now, hey?

Champagne Heathen said...

Oooo man, I HATE those sort of women! Who know how to smile at you with the fakest smile & say the bitchiest things at the same time in front of everyone. My best was being told by some woman, as her husband & I had a political convo, that "Oh, are you just the vixen" with a sickly sweet smile plastered on her face. *Cough* *splutter* What?? What did I do??

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - It's a little disconcerting, isn't it? Especially when you're sober. ;)

other-duke said...

that's hilarious.

i hate people that hate people that blog. so closed minded.

I have a friend going backpacking in South America soon. I'm going to get him to log onto our sites from an internet cafe there so we can sport one red spot on that continent :)

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - oh awesome, a dot from the lost continent!

Thanks O-D! :)

zuzula said...

did you ever find out what her problem was?! and how does she know Certain Someone?

Peter Barlow said...

Ah Hilton Village...the memories of my school years come flooding back like the mist around that place! Glad you had a good weekend Peas! :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - nope didn't find out. I reckon it's bipolar disorder. OK, maybe not. BUt who cares anyway right? ;) She knows his parents through default. But he also told her to stop being so difficult. Bless. ;)

Peter - Isn't Hilton a quaint little place hey? You forget when you live down there I suppose. It really is a little slice of England, amidst the mist. ;)

Peter Barlow said...

Yeah, Midlands Meander is just like england but with sugar cane!hehe!

Went to boarding school around there...way back...well, not so way back actually.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah Pete, I think your boarding school experience was less-way back than mine. Still, nice to go back and see that nothing much has changed in the sleepy hollow.

Wezzo said...

Haha what a bitch, someone really needed to put her in her place. Your FriendYouKindaCanLikeToBeSeeing should have done so. Dump him!

I joke, do whatever you feel is best Peas. Although dumping him is a good option.

I know you reading this FriendOfPeasThatKinda... grow some balls.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Wez, bless you babe. ;)

No he stood up for me, it was all good.

I can't dump him anyway. He's not my boyfriend. You can't dump something that isn't yours right? ;)

I like this little set up we have, see. ;)

Wezzo said...

Ah Peas, don't worry I was really joking. Everyone loves the Friend with Benifits, live the dream.

Another thing, how the hell do you keep track of these Blogger comments? Are you constantly refreshing the page or is there an RSS feed involved.

Peas on Toast said...

Lol - friend with benefits, toushay. :)

I refresh every half an hour or so when I check email, or like today, when I'm especially bored, I refresh every 15.
*sigh*

Wezzo said...

I know we shouldn't get into a technical discussion on this personal diary of yours and all, but as you may have noticed we use Haloscan commenting. It has it's advantages, such as an RSS feed where I dont have to monitor the comments with a page refresh but rather wait for a Windows popup message for instance. Makes life a whole lot easier.

You have a history with Blogger Commenting so I would stick with it. I'm just here to tell you that Haloscan saved my life - and we get get a portion of what you do.

Sorry, I should really have emailed you - or included something along the lines of "Crazy Weekend, look forward to hearing about the next" which I just did.

cinnamon gurl said...

Ok. I have to delurk. That post is totally why I like reading your blog, even if it does make me feel old. Things like,

Or like when you’re at boarding school there, and you crap your doondies everytime you have to walk up to the dininghall for breakfast because you can’t see shit in front of you, except scraggly cloud-encased trees that look uncannily like Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street.

and

And then dry humped a school statue in protest.


I don't like to use the c-word very much, but that woman sounds like the perfect candidate for it.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Wezz, you're right, I could probably make my life a helluva lot easier with Haloscan. ill look into it. :)

Cinnamon gurl - howdy! Thanks for the compliments my dear, and yes that woman deserves the c-word very, very much. ;)